Just Between Us
by Luv2write4u13
Summary: What happens when our precious younger female Rugrats suffer from separate eating disorders? Whose is discovered and whose only gets worse?
1. Chapter 1

"You look great!" Kimi squealed to her best friend Lil. Lil turned around to model her attire. Lil was wearing a short black dress and she had gotten a tan. They hadn't seen each other all summer with Kimi at drama camp and Lil was visiting her father at his beach house in Hawaii. Betty and Howard had gotten a divorce and while Betty was still in the whole Howard was remarried to a younger woman and they were both wealthy.

"You look like you've lost weight," she exclaimed. Her and Lil hugged each other happily.

"I have," Lil told her. "I lost almost ten pounds!"

"Cool."

Lil hadn't been really thin for a while, she weighed one sixty, which was too big for her height, she was only 5'4. Kimi was very petite and she rarely gained a pound so she was glad that her friend had slimmed down.

"What diet are you on…or are you taking diet pills?"

"They made Anna Nicole look sexy," Lil joked. Her and Kimi shared a laugh before Kimi got back to the point.

"Okay so Lil…what's been going on then?"

"Let me tell you Kimi, but you can't tell anybody okay," Lil said. Kimi swore and soon they started walking around the park. Not a lot of people were there, just some little kids and Lil and Kimi were too "old" to swing. They were seventeen and about to start their senior year.

"Stop the suspense Lil, tell me everything."

Lil smiled and giggled a bit at her friend's impatience. "Okay so I was in Hawaii on the island of Maui. There were a bunch of these hot guys and I made this friend named Malina and she was real pretty with the tan and everything. Anyway, we were at the beach okay and the guys start looking at us. Well, we walked up to them and I tried flirting a bit. One of them took Malina to the side and said they weren't exactly flirting with me, but they didn't want to hurt my feelings.

"Well Malina told me and we left and soon I got on this plan. I just started exercising more Kimi; I mean I was fully charged. I'll run, not jog but run, and then we'd go to the gym and work out. I'd only eat a little bit and then I'd exercise, but look at these results."

She spun around for Kimi to admire her looks again and Kimi nodded.

"We can do it together Kimi," Lil excitedly took her friend's hand in hers. "We'll be the hottest girls at graduation."

"I don't need to diet Lil, besides, it's dangerous to eat little and then exersize so much.."

"I know you don't need to diet, but you want to keep the fat off right. I mean, it's not like anything's going to happen to us," Lil said trying to persuade her. "It can be like how we bond or something. We don't skip meals; we just cut back on them. We're not going to throw up our food because it'll mess up our teeth. Come on Kim, please."

Kimi looked away from her friend. For some reason she was feeling sick, but Lil was right. Kimi nodded. "Alright Lil, just for you. We can only do it for six months though, not the whole nine."

Lil jumped happily. "Alright, just until March then."

"Its still August."

"Not for long," Lil pointed out. "We have to finish off March and then we'll stop dieting."

"Fine."

"Okay then, we have to come up with a plan."

"A plan?"

"A diet plan."

Kimi shook her head sympathetically, but luckily Lil didn't see her. Lil grabbed her friend's hand so that they could get into Lil's car and then drive to Lil's home.

!#$&

_I hope you liked it. I got the idea from a Lifetime movie called A Secret Among Friends and it just inspired me. I wanted something catchy and since that was nice I wanted my story to have a similar title, so that's where Just Between Us came in. Thank you for reading and please review._


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, here's the deal," Lil began. "We'll eat three times a day, _only_."

"Only?" Kimi asked. "No snacks."

"Only fruit," Lil said. Kimi looked unsure.

"Listen Kimi, I did this all summer and look at my results," Lil said, pointing at her slim figure.

Kimi still didn't smile. "What are we going to eat?"

Lil didn't hear her. "We just can't eat too much fruit," she said. "Fruits and vegetables have a little bit of carbohydrates in them and we'll have to exercise it off. So, not too much bread."

Kimi was so nervous about the idea that she wasn't thinking of Lil at all. "We should eat six bread items a day though."

"No!" Lil exclaimed. "We're dieting and I'm very serious about this."

Kimi jumped at her friend's outburst. "But Lil…"

"Listen to me Kimi," she grabbed her friend's shoulders desperately. "We need to do this!"

"We don't need to do anything," Kimi said, shaken up. Lil released her and turned towards the refrigerator in her kitchen. They had a slightly bigger home because Betty had gotten a bit more money when the divorce was finalized. Lil set her pencil down on a counter and looked over at the notepad she was writing on.

Kimi could see her friend looked sad, but she didn't say anything.

"Eat whatever you want," Lil finally said. "I'm eating three meals a day, fruits and vegetables for snacks and I'm going to exercise every day."

"Fine," Kimi said.

Lil looked away from her.

Kimi was annoyed, but she was good at hiding it. Lil was trying to make her feel bad, and she was falling for it. Kimi knew what she was up to, but she did feel bad. Lil was her best friend and if Kimi were asking Lil to diet Lil would do it in a heartbeat.

But Kimi was skinny enough, and Lil was too.

Now Lil wanted to get skinnier.

Kimi didn't want to start, but she didn't want to hurt Lil's feelings.

"Fine," Kimi said defeated. Lil didn't even have to tell her she was happy, Kimi could already tell.

School started and soon Kimi and Lil were really busy. They both wanted to tryout for cheerleading, they had tons of homework, and they still went to the spa everyday. After that they'd hang out at one another's house for a while doing homework of course, gossiping, and shopping.

They were at Lil's house doing English homework when Lil's cell rung. "Can you get that for me Kimi?" Lil asked. She was in the mirror studying her figure and she was only an arm's reach from the phone.

"Hold on," Kimi said, as she set her pen down. She looked up before standing up, and she ran to the phone.

What is she doing? Kimi asked herself.

She grabbed the phone before it stopped ringing.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Lil?" a boy said.

"This is Kimi," she said.

"Oh," the boy said, obviously embarrassed. "Hi Kimi."

"Hi, who's this?" she asked, trying to get to her homework.

"Tommy," he answered.

Tommy? Kimi's heart did flip-flops as a lump formed in her throat. Tommy had moved away almost three years ago, and he called Lil? She wondered if he had tried to call _her_ house. She really had missed Tommy, and they were really close before he had to leave. They were almost together before he had left. They wanted to run away together and stay hidden. They were going to give everything up to be with each other.

Now he sounded different, as if he had some secrets and had done badly in the past. He sounded mischievous and…_bad_.

"Is it…really you?" she choked out, not wanting to say his name so that Lil would snatch the phone away. Of course Lil was already interested, glancing over her shoulder to see a soft smile on Kimi's lips.

"Who is it?" Lil asked.

Kimi ignored her.

"Yeah it's uh…me."

Kimi wasn't hesitant when she told him that she missed him.

"I uh…missed you too," he stammered. He sounded nervous and uncertain, like he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"What have you been…up to?" she asked him.

"Nothing."

"I missed you so much!" Kimi suddenly cried.

"What?" Tommy asked. "Listen Kimi, I can't hear you."

Kimi frowned and removed the phone from her ear to check the reception. She saw that it was really low and she walked over to the window. Quickly her notches rose.

"Sorry," Kimi told him.

"So…what did you say?"

"I really missed you," Kimi repeated nervously. How would he respond, would he say it to her in return?

"Kimi really, _who_ is it?" Lil asked turning from the mirror.

Kimi pointed her finger to hush Lil up.

"You're on _my_ phone, who is it?"

As quick as a snake capturing a mouse Lil bounced over to Kimi and snatched the phone from her friend's grip. "_Hello_?"

"I have to…go," Kimi said quietly, leaving Lil's room before Lil could say anything.

Lil waited for an answer, and then she looked at the screen of the phone. Kimi had hung up before she saw who it was.

!#$&

Kimi sat on the toilet seat unable to hold her surprise. She had spoken with Tommy for the first time in over a year. So much has changed since she saw him last. Chuckie had gotten engaged and just started college. Kira and Chas had separated her sophomore year, the time she needed him the most. She longed to be in his embrace and recalled the time they had "slept" together.

They hadn't done anything, but Tommy had held her while she lied in her bed and he was next to her. They told each other how much they wanted to be together, but they had never proclaimed their love for one another.

"Tommy, is it always going to be like this?" Kimi had whispered, cuddling closer to him. She turned to face him and his arm was wrapped around her waist. She knew her hair smelled like strawberries, just for him, and she was dressed in a nightgown. He had snuck in her room that night; he'd done it once a week since they were fourteen.

"I hope so Kim," he whispered back. "Except it may get even better then this."

Kimi giggled as he kissed her lips softly, and she brought her head to his chest. She longed to be his then, she knew she had loved him, but she was just so scared.

That was the summer before freshmen year, the summer before he went away.

Now he was back, and everything was going to be like that again, maybe even better. Maybe the diet was a good idea after all; if he wanted her then he'd want her even more when she started losing weight.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: That last chapter just made this story my favorite one ever!

!#$&

"Where is your lunch?" Kimi asked Lil as she sat across from her at lunch the next day. Kimi had made her own lunch, a chicken salad, an apple, and a bottle of water. Lil just looked at her with a smile on her face.

"I forgot it," she grinned. "But guess who called me last night right after you left!"

Lil's face was pink with excitement, and that made her look prettier then ever. She still had a killer tan, her boobs had gotten bigger, she looked more curvy, her brown eyes gleamed with anticipation and her brown hair looked more silky then a model's could after going to a salon.

Kimi didn't want to know. She only wondered if Lil had really forgotten her lunch or if she left it on purpose. "Would you like some of my salad?"

"No thanks," she said quickly brushing it off.

Kimi realized that Lil didn't want to eat, and she didn't want to push her.

"So don't you want to know who called?"

"Who?" Kimi finally asked.

"Tommy!" Lil squealed.

So he called Lil's phone twice. How did he even get her number? When Kimi got home she asked Kira if she had gotten any messages and then she checked her email, her cell and her pager, but she had gotten nothing. Did he even care about her anymore? She tried to think of an excuse for him, but she couldn't come up with one.

"We talked until midnight," Lil said dreamily. "Oh God how I miss him."

Time seemed to freeze over as Lil's last words spun in Kimi's head. Lil missed him? Was that a 'I missed you like a friend' miss or was it the kind of miss that Kimi had felt? Did Tommy and Lil have something going on when he was involved with Kimi? Of course they weren't necessarily an item, but you could clearly see that it wasn't no "just friends" relationship either.

"I'm being paranoid," Kimi muttered.

"Huh?" Lil asked.

Kimi blushed and shook her head.

"No, tell me!"

"It was nothing," Kimi told her quietly.

"Tell me!"

Kimi's mind went frantic trying to think of something. "Um…I was just hoping my homework was right."

Lil rolled her eyes. "_Anyway_, he said he's enrolling here and starts on Monday!"

Kimi was anything but excited at that moment. It was Thursday and Tommy would be starting soon, but she felt like throwing up anyway. "I have to go," Kimi finally said quickly. She looked at her salad that had looked so good when she packed it, and now that she'd eaten it, it looked like a mess of bacteria. Then she stood up, and dashed off.

"Kimi!" Lil cried out, but Kimi was out of the cafeteria.

Kimi's eyes watered as she ran, sick from her head to her stomach. _Maybe the dressing had upset my stomach, but why did it look so nasty?_

Her head hurt and she could hear Lil trying to catch up with her. The footsteps only made her head pound even more. _I should've just made a sandwich, stupid diet. Stupid Tommy; stupid everything. _

She pushed open the door to the restroom and tripped into one of the stalls. She brought her head over the toilet and gagged. Suddenly foot slipped from her mouth, hurting her throat. Tears were falling from her eyes as she threw up, and she even kept gagging after nothing was there. She looked down at the tiny bit of food and watched as it flushed down the drain.

She finally turned around in embarrassment, and saw one person grinning at her. "You want to play dirty then," Lil, said. "I thought we weren't going to cheat each other."

Kimi's face twisted in disgust and suddenly she didn't see her best friend. She saw a cheater, a liar, and a pig. What was Lil doing to her anyway? How could she even suggest such a thing?

"You think I did that on purpose?"

"You were always a good actress, but why would you leave your best friend sitting on the sidelines?"

Kimi was trembling and she wanted to cry. "I didn't do that on purpose, it had to be something I ate."

"You'll get over it," Lil hissed. "Get that nasty stuff out of your mind. Food is the enemy, it makes you fat and ugly anyway."

"It's good—"

"Look in the mirror Kimi," Lil demanded. "You look great, why not see for yourself?"

Kimi looked in the mirror and expected to see a sexy brunette with gorgeous silky black hair and brown eyes. She wanted to see a slender figure with sensational curves and fabulous assets. Instead she saw someone so skinny who looked not there.

She was pale and her skin looked sticky. She was so skinny that her ribs were visible. She had no breasts and her eyes looked sunken and hollowed out.

Suddenly Lil laughed. "You're ugly!" she cried in hysteria. "Did you really think that you, Kimi Wannabe Finster, could ever be beautiful?"

Then she smiled, and it was the most horrifying thing Kimi had ever saw.

!#$&

"Kimi, are you okay?" Lil asked. Kimi jumped and looked around. She was in the bathroom hunched over a toilet, and Lil was holding her friend's hair to keep it from falling in the pool of vomit.

"Lil?"

"You looked kind of spaced out," Lil told her. "Are you okay?"

"I uh…think," Kimi said, touching her body.

"What are you doing?"

"I did zone out and it was just…horrible," Kimi cried. "You were so awful and I looked…hideous."

Tears fell from Kimi's eyes once again and she brought her face to her friend's sweater. Lil hugged her for a while. "It's okay," Lil said rubbing her back affectionately. "I think you just got sick. You need to eat something, you threw up your salad."

Lil helped Kimi get up and hugged her again before flushing the toilet. "Let's go buy you a fruit cup or something."

"My breath…" Kimi said quietly.

"What?"

"My breath, I need to brush my teeth."

"Oh that," Lil laughed. "You really need to eat first. Remember, this wasn't part of our diet?"

Kimi nodded. "Of course, but I didn't do that on purpose Lil, I didn't."

"I believe you," Lil said. "And remember, if you want to call off the diet then we will."

"I'm okay," Kimi said. "It won't happen again."

"Look in the mirror Kimi, you're beautiful already, remember that okay? Go on…look at your reflection."

Kimi shook her head. "I can't."

"Yes you can," Lil nodded.

Kimi brought her eyes slowly to the mirror and this is what she saw. She saw a girl with dark hair, sad brown eyes, flushed cheeks that actually looked nice, and next to her was her best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

"So um…how did you and Tommy meet up again?" Kimi tried her best not to sound so suspicious. It was hard because she still felt empty inside, as if someone had stabbed her heart with a knife. She was lying on her stomach in Lil's room and they were listening to music and talking.

It was a day after the bathroom incident and no one had brought it up after that. They didn't tell anyone, they kept it to themselves and tried to push it out of their minds. The problem was, Kimi couldn't forget Lil's laugh and her picture in the mirror. Would she really look like that, or by the time graduation came along would she already be buried in a casket?

Come on Kimi, its three meals a day. Tons of people eat three meals a day and it's not a problem. Besides, if I get hungry I can always get some fruit.

Lil smiled. So it seemed Kimi had asked the right question. "Before Tommy left he promised me that he'd call me," she shared. "He really hadn't called me in forever, until I went to Hawaii. Then my mother called and told me that he called, and she gave me his number."

He promised me he'd call too, but he didn't.

"Oh," Kimi said quietly.

There was a knock on the door and before Lil could ask who it was Betty came barging into the room. Betty was bigger than she ever was and she looked like she wouldn't be able to fit through the door. It seemed like she struggled when she walked, and like she had trouble breathing. The divorce had made a bit of wrinkles appear on her forehead, making her appear older than she was.

"Mom, don't barge in my room like that again," Lil ordered.

Betty looked embarrassed and she apologized. "I just brought up the apple slices for you honey. I'm sorry, I'll never do that again." She held the plate of green apple slices so that Lil could grab them, but Lil only stared at her mother.

"You big fat pig," she screamed. "I wanted six slices and there's only five. Did you eat one?"

Betty shook her head, but Lil was angry.

"And didn't I tell you I was on a diet?" Lil asked.

"Yes but—"

"But you brought some caramel dip up here anyway," Lil continued. "Do you want me to be as fat as you?"

"No Lil—"

"I didn't think so. Now get out now and come back with six slices."

Lil pointed at the door. Although the dialog was short it seemed like Lil was screaming at Betty forever. The poor woman had made a mistake and Lil couldn't see that. Have Lil always been that way? Was it Kimi's first time noticing? What was Lil's problem? Was this diet a cry for help?

"Lil, give your mom a break okay. I'm not that hungry anyway."

Lil turned and glared at her as if warning Kimi to mind her own business. "She needs to learn. My step mom Janine would never have made a mistake like that."

"But your mom has…and the divorce and—"

"You better stop defending her Kimi Wannabe Finster."

"Lil you are being unfair—"

"Didn't I say shut up?" Lil jumped from her bed and began pacing the room nervously. Kimi on the other hand felt just as furious as her. How dare Lil speak to her like that? Kimi wanted to slap her, hurt her, and maybe it wasn't just for what Lil said. Maybe it was because Lil had stolen Tommy from her…and Kimi didn't like that one bit.

!#$&

"Tommy moves in tonight!" Lil told Kimi happily. "Tomorrow I'm going to help him move in."

Kimi didn't care. Frankly she just wanted to leave. Her and Lil were supposed to be doing Pilates, yet Lil would say something about Tommy and interrupt everything.

Lil had begged for Kimi's forgiveness shortly after Betty came in with the snacks. Lil only ate two, leaving Kimi with four apples that she happily swallowed. Lil watched her in disgust, but Kimi said something that surprised Lil. "You're taking this diet too seriously, it's like you have an eating disorder."

Kimi was only joking, but Lil had got really defensive about it that Kimi pondered over the thought that she did. After all, who knew that Janine woman, she was almost as young as Lil and she might have influenced her? Besides, Kimi didn't really know Lil anymore. Lil would have never talked to Betty as if she was her slave, and Lil had once loved her food.

Lil could have had an eating disorder after all of that practice over the summer.

Kimi got rid of the thought and forgave Lil. So when they were supposed to be doing Pilates Kimi thought that Lil would have realized how much the topic of Tommy disturbed her.

"Will you really have time for him after cheerleading practice and everything? He's going to want to take you out and you won't be able to eat like the way guys like."

"So what?" Lil said. "It's not like Tommy and I are an item. It's just a no strings attached thing, Tommy insisted."

"Lil, Tommy is a bastard. He's playing you like he played me."

"What do you mean?" Lil asked.

Kimi only got her things and left.

!#$&

"Kimi, aren't you hungry?" Kira asked her daughter before she began cleaning up the kitchen. "I made your favorite spaghetti and meatballs?"

Kimi was lying on the couch watching tv. She was tired after listening to Lil first rant and rave about her mom, praise her step mom, and then worship Tommy. "I'm okay Mom."

"You sure honey? You don't look like you've eaten all day."

"I ate a granola bar for breakfast, a turkey sandwich at lunch, apples at Lil's, and I think that's all. I'll eat something later. Thanks though Mom, for caring."

"Do you want me to leave the food out then?" Kira asked.

"No, I'll get some later. I'm just tired…and a little sad."

Kira nodded. "Well I have some news and hopefully it'll cheer you up. Tommy moved back into town today, I know how sad you were when he left."

"Lil told me."

"She did?"

"I haven't talked to Tommy in forever Mom so I think he forgot our number or something, but I'm okay. There's someone else at school I'm crazy about anyway…and I have no time for Tommy anyway."

"Oh." The two women were silent for a while before Kira left the room.

!#$&

The growling of her stomach had awakened Kimi from her light slumber and she slowly sat up as if she were in a trance. It was three-thirty in the morning and she made her way from her room and into the kitchen. The kitchen looked so forbidden, but Kimi went into the refrigerator and got out the milk. She reached for a cup and poured herself a glass, leaving the milk out in case she wanted more.

Then Kimi got something from the cabinets that Lil would've killed her if she knew what Kimi was about to eat. A case of Oreo cookies was unopened, and Kimi was going to be the one to eat the first one. "Oreos make you obese," Kimi could hear Lil say. In response Kimi tore off the wrapping, the noise making her jump.

"Um…" she moaned as she took a cookie and put it in her mouth. She drunk some of her milk and then took more cookies. She ate them quickly, not feeling the least bit guilty. She was hungry and she was going to eat, whether it would make her sick or fat or whatever.

"This is almost as good as sex," Kimi said without realizing it. What did she know about the subject anyway? She was saving herself for Tommy, but it was too late now. He had Lil, Lil had him. The thought of that made Kimi eat more before she realized she was making herself eat. She was bingeing.

She quickly dropped the food as if it held some contagious disease and then she went to the bathroom to do the worse thing she could've done. "I need to get rid of this."

Behind her she locked the door and turned on the water from the sink. Hopefully it was going to drown out the sound of her gags. She flushed the toilet, put her finger down her throat, and vomited. When she finished she just smiled, grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth.


	5. Chapter 5

_I looked away,_

_Then I looked back at you._

_You tried to say,_

_Things that you can't undo._

_If I had my way,_

_I'd never get over you._

_Today's the day,_

_I pray that we make it through._

_Make it through the fall,_

_Make it through it all._

_I don't want to fall to pieces,_

_I just want to sit and stare at you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_I don't want a conversation._

_I just want to cry in front of you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_'cause I'm in love with you._

_You're the only one,_

_I'd be with 'til the end._

_When I come undone,_

_You bring me back again._

_Back under the stars,_

_Back into your arms._

_I don't want to fall to pieces,_

_I just want to sit and stare at you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_I don't want a conversation._

_I just want to cry in front of you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_'cause I'm in love with you._

_Want to know who you are,_

_Want to know where to start._

_I want to know what this means,_

_Want to know how to feel._

_Want to know what is real,_

_I want to know everything, everything._

_I don't want to fall to pieces,_

_I just want to sit and stare at you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_I don't want a conversation._

_I just want to cry in front of you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_'cause I'm in love with you._

_I don't want to fall to pieces,_

_I just want to sit and stare at you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_I don't want a conversation._

_I just want to cry in front of you._

_I don't want to talk about it,_

_'cause I'm in love with you._

_I'm in love with you,_

_'Cause I'm in love with you._

_I'm in love with you,_

_I'm in love with you._

Avril Lavigne's Fall To Pieces on her Under This Skin album

* * *

WhenKimi checked her cell phone messagesshe found out that Lil had lefther one, beggingher to help her and Tommy out.She wanted to make plans with someone else, but afterher display at Lil's house she didn't want her to think that she was obsessed with Tommy or anything. 

She decidedthat sheneeded to get a tan anyway, while it was still hot, soshe decided to go for it.She took a nice hot shower with lavender scented shower gel to smell like flowers andshe used the same scent as shampoo to washher hair, so that it would smell just as nice.She got out and combedher hair while choosing her outfit.She was going to wear a white skirt and a pink tube top with a two-piecebathing suitunder it.She put a pink butterfly clip in her hair to keep it out of her face.

Shewanted to look good, to tease Tommy. So what if he and Lil weren't officially an item, how long would that last?She had forgot all about that morning, the wayshe hadthrew up so carelessly.She had broken a rule.They weren't supposed to be throwing up.She decidedthat shewasn't going to tell Lil; insteadshe was going to forget.Lil obviouslykept secrets fromher soshe could do the same.Kimi could be better than her.She could look better andshe could eventually make more friends, better ones.

Shewalked out of the house quickly beforeKira could seeher and question where she was going. She had no time for any heart to heart talking or anything. She was going to walk to Tommy's house. He got a house just a few houses before hers; at least that was what Lil had said.

"What up Kim?" someone on the street yelled. Kimi looked around until she saw this guy named Ethan and then she smiled.

Ethan moved at that house shortly after Lil's parents divorced. He was Angelica and Susie's age and they all were cool, but he preferred to do his own thing. His recent ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his cousin's baby so he was chilling out on the dating scene so that he wouldn't get hurt again.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kimi yelled back, stopping a street in front of him.

He whistled. "Just checkin' you out. I haven't seen those legs in a while."

"Shut up," Kimi joked. "Tommy moved back and me and Lil are helping him and his family move in."

"Tell them hi for me then, and Kim have fun."

"Alright," she said, before continuing on walking down the street. Everyone else she passed she just waved at, and before long she had reached Tommy's house. No one was in the yard, but she knew that she was at the right place because a moving van was taking up the room in the driveway. Their door was opened and Kimi saw the like most of the houses on the street it had two levels.

The house was yellow and white with newly painted windows and a white porch. The rose bushes around the porch were already bloomed and neatly trimmed. It was a house that you could picture in your mind without actually seeing it, and there were only few like them in the world.

Kimi faintly heard someone talking until she saw someone coming out of the door. "Mom, I'll get the lamp for you," someone said. Kimi could recognize who was talking, because she hadn't heard that person's voice in almost forever. Then the figure stepped onto the porch and looked around.

They were wearing khaki colored shorts and an orange t-shirt that said Miami. Kimi instantly ran up to the porch and threw her arms around Dil's neck and gave him a big hug. Dil was taken aback, but he hugged her still so that she wouldn't feel weird. It was so long that when she finished he wished they were still hugging. "Kimi?" he asked.

"You look so different Dil!" she exclaimed. Dil was taller than he was when he had left, and his hair was straight and pulled into a ponytail. A mustache was growing on his upper lip and his voice had changed, it was deeper.

"You too," he said. "You look…you're growing up."

"I'm seventeen. I was fifteen when you guys left. It was only two years ago." Kimi did have to agree with him though. She did indeed look different. She herself was taller and her chest was filled out and her voice had changed. She had more curves than she had two years ago and her legs were longer.

"Well, I have to get this to Mom," he said, walking over to the van.

"Do you need help?" Kimi asked him. "I mean…Lil said she was coming to help and she invited me to help to so…?"

"Grab this box," Dil shoved a box in her direction and in black ink it read **NOVELS**.

For some reason Kimi didn't know what to think of Dil. It seemed like he had changed too, like he didn't like her anymore or something. Maybe she was paranoid, or maybe it was PMS, but she felt like useless trash. Still she didn't complain, she just held onto the box and walked into the house leaving Dil struggling with the heavy lamp.

"Set it right there." Kimi heard Didi's voice as soon as she entered the home. She had stepped into the living room that was bare with just a few old boxes in the corner. The room was painted white with a blue carpet and it smelled like it was painted only days ago.

Didi's voice was coming from the kitchen and that was where Kimi went. Didi was standing to the side instructing the movers on where to set her dining table. Kimi stood in the doorway watching as she saw the movers being bossed around by the nervous Didi. Didi was wearing red slacks and a white short-sleeved shirt. The ceiling fan in the center of the room was on, but barely helping.

Finally Didi's eyes moved over to where Kimi was standing and she gave the girl a small smile making her feel a little better. Didi always comforted Kimi with just a small smile or saying something small and insignificant to someone other than Kimi. "Hi Hon," she said. "What are you carrying that box for?"

"It's some novels. Dil told me to bring them in."

Didi nodded. "Is he getting that lamp?"

"Yes," Kimi responded.

"Well then, just go set that back into the living room. Tommy is somewhere around here. He's mad at me because he found out Stew and I aren't sending for his car," she shook her head. "Teenage boys are something else."

Kimi quickly put the books on the floor and walked back into the kitchen. Didi was sending them out to get her dining chairs and Kimi moved out of the way so that she wouldn't be knocked over by the men.

"What have you been up to?" she asked.

"Nothing," Kimi answered. "Just busy with school and hanging out with Lil. I'm trying out for cheerleading this year and maybe tennis. I'm definitely going to try track and volleyball too."

"Trying to be real social?" Didi asked.

"Yep," Kimi responded. "I want to make new friends and everything."

"You and Tommy still close?" she asked.

Kimishrugged my shoulders.She really didn't want to discussher relationship with Tommy with anyone, especially his Mom, butshe decided nothing would happen. "I don't know Didi, I mean…I don't know."

"He was really crazy about you though, before we left," she smiled. "I could tell he still missed you, and for a while he got real quiet…until he met…Leanne."

"Leanne?" Tommy had met another girl…she figured something out. For some reasonshe didn't feel sad, mad, or jealous. I could tell Leanne wasn't any competition anymore.

"Yep, Tommy's first girlfriend since we had moved. She spent so much time at our house because she hated home. Then she ran away. Tommy was so worried about her and they eventually found her body in a lake. She was murdered by her ex-boyfriend," Didi shook her head sympathetically. "Tommy felt so bad because he heard her talking about running away and he didn't believe her."

"Wow."

"Then one summer he called Lil and they started talking," she said. "But that's nothing worth talking about. Before we left I started seeing more of Lil anyway and—"

Kimisure was glad Didi wasn'ther mom because she was telling so much of Tommy's business toher and she's like…shut up!She did not want to hear about him and Lil, not now and not ever again.

"Mom."

Theyturned around and looked back into the living room doorway where Tommy stood. He looked better thanKimi had ever seen him before. He looked like he stood 6'2 and he looked like he worked out. His skin was a rich tan and his eyes were a light brown. A weird sensation came overher and suddenly she began to feel real nervous. Why was she feeling that way when she was telling herself over and over again that she no longer cared for Tommy?

"Tommy, you have a guest," Didi said excitedly. "Come on in and saw hi to Kimi."

Shewatched his facial expression change. Something in his eyes had dimmed and they had gotten darker. Still, he walked into the room, andher nervous feeling had changed into something calm and relaxed. "Hi Tommy,"she said coolly.

"Kimi?"

"Who else could it be?"She couldn't help butshow offthe bitternessin hervoice. Almost three years ago they were inseparable and then he moved away. He stopped missing her, butshe never had let go. Even after he never called.She never had a boyfriend since andshe never had stopped thinking about him. Tommy had playedher even before he had left, but he still had a soft spot in her heart. He had seemed so romantic, but at that moment she hated him.

"I'll um…leave," Didi stammered, uncomfortably leaving the room. Obviously she had noticed the strong tension in the room since Tommy had arrived.

Tommy's eyes locked withhers and for a moment she couldn't breath.She could only look back at him as ifshe were in a trance.She was waiting for him to break the ice and say something, but he didn't. So I guess she was going to say the first words.

* * *

_Author's Note: Wow, how long has it been since I updated? I am so sorry, andI do hope it was worth the wait. Check out Avril's CD Under This Skin, becuz it is so awesome even though I do think a new one is coming out soon. Hopefully I can get the new chapter to this story posted soon._

_surealsmiles: Thank you so much for updating not once but twice. You are one of the people that made me realize that I had better update soon or else. I luv the name by the way._

_libertygrl: I agree that the last chapter was sad. Poor Kimi, I feel so bad for writing this story now, but that doesn't mean I'm deleting it any time soon. _

_MysticSorceror: Mystic thank you so much. I haven't experienced anything that has to do with eating disorders, but I have read up on it like how you may be able to tell if someone has one or not._

_truth: I think I made Lil a bit harsh on her mother, but a lot of things she is going through has to do with her step mom who makes being skinny seem like a big deal. To her you have to be skinny, and not just a healthy nice size. Thank you so much for the review._


	6. Chapter 6

"Imagine seeing you here," Kimi said sarcastically, glaring at him in the worse possible way. His eyes shifted guiltily, but she wanted to slice his tan skin into pieces. "I thought you had fallen off of the face of the Earth."

"Kimi, just chill out for a minute," he said.

"No! Do you know how I feel right now?" she asked him. She walked over to where he was standing in case she decided to push him away from her sight.

"Don't I get a welcome back first?" Kimi didn't realize it, but Tommy was trying to stall while he thought of an excuse that would make her forgive him. He wasn't successful.

"Hell no you don't," Kimi snapped. At that moment she couldn't think of anytime they were together. All she saw was herself running to her mailbox everyday after school to see if she had gotten _any_ postcards from him. She would stare at her phone for hours to see if he'd called, or at least decided to send her a text message. Every night she would cry herself to sleep remembering the times he had snuck in to her room late at night to hold her close to him.

"I haven't heard from you in forever and the only time I do is because you called _Lil's_ phone and I answered. How do you think that felt?"

"What do you mean how you felt?" he asked. "You gave up on me long before I gave up on you."

"Don't accuse me of anything because you feel bad!" Kimi screamed. "You son of a bitch." She didn't care if his mom or dad or little brother had heard her. She almost wished they did so that they would know what kind of bastard they were living with.

"Don't even talk to me like that. Lil told me everything," he said. Kimi was unfazed. Lil didn't know anything about her and she hadn't done anything wrong. Lil only knew what Kimi had told her, and Kimi hadn't told her anything that might've messed up her relationship with Tommy, because she hadn't done anything.

"I bet you two did a lot more than talking."

"As if you _can_ talk," he hissed. "What about you and Phil?"

"Me and Phil?"

"Yeah, Lil told me about how she walked in on you two in his bed…doing God knows what."

"What are you talking about?" she asked him.

"Don't act like you don't know. You were two-timing on me."

"_We_ weren't even together and I didn't do anything with Phil."

"I don't believe that."

"And I don't believe you. Lil is my best friend and she would never lie about something so…evil. She was so supportive of…us."

"Well she told me and I know that she didn't lie about it."

They were quiet as they heard a cheerful, "Hello everyone."

Kimi and Tommy looked at each other for a long time, only they didn't feel anything. There was no love, no anger, no fear or sadness. Kimi didn't think anything of Tommy and he didn't think anything of her. It was as if they were passing each other on the street, uncaring.

Finally Lil entered the kitchen with a grin. "Hi Tommy, hi Kimi!"

Kimi glared at Lil. She didn't believe what Tommy had said, but she couldn't look at Lil the same way anymore. She'd feel stupid if she did. What if Tommy was right and Lil really wanted Tommy for herself? What if she would have spread that lie to break them up?

Or what if Tommy just wanted an excuse for his actions?

"Are you going to say anything Kimi? Ask anything, or are you ashamed?" Tommy looked at her awaiting an answer. Lil just looked curious.

Kimi rolled her eyes and stared at him. "I'm going…to the bathroom."

* * *

Kimi flushed the toilet and turned on the sink faucets before gagging. It was suddenly like a reflex for her sadness. She stuck her fingers down her throat until she felt something coming up. She honestly knew it was wrong, but she was upset and that was her way to cope. She probably seemed so guilty to him at that moment but she didn't care anymore. If Tommy wanted to believe she had fooled around with Phil then she probably would just so that their "breakup" would seem like it was worth it. Honestly though, nothing was.

She was going to get the best revenge possible. She was going to use her nice looks to her advantage. She was going to be able to get any guy with the snap of a finger. She would sleep with all of Tommy's friends and make everyone think that Lil was a two-dollar whore just for the fun of it. She didn't want to go back into the kitchen and see Tommy and Lil together when she knew that their relationship was a lie. She didn't want to believe it, but it wouldn't surprise her if Lil had made up that lie.

Still Kimi couldn't jump to conclusions, but Lil was her only suspect. It wasn't until that moment, while she was throwing up, that she remembered the times Kimi would talk to lovingly about Tommy to her. Lil's face would fall and her eyes would space out as if she was doing some drug. Sometimes she would try to change the subject or sometimes she would try to tell Kimi that other guys liked her. In a way Lil had acted in the past like Kimi was doing at that very moment.

She stopping throwing up and flushed the toilet once again before standing in front of the sink. She washed her hands for a long time, letting the warm water burn her skin. She decided that until she found out who really told Tommy that lie about her and Phil, she was going to blame Lil for it. She began rummaging in the cabinet under the sink until she found some Listerine, preparing to cleanse her mouth and her breath. There was no way she was going to tell them what was going on.

Most girls in her predicament would've dropped a girl like Lil on the spot and made a new best friend. A lot of girls would've confronted her. However, Kimi wasn't going to do that. She had a different plan and rule number one was that she was going to pretend everything was better then ever. She was going to let Lil believe she was on her stupid diet, but she was going by her own rules. She wasn't going to starve herself. She was going to eat whenever she wanted and let Lil get mad at her, but then she was going to throw up every night when everyone was asleep. Lil was going to wonder how she had a super sexy body and get jealous.

Kimi was going to do so many sports, make so many new friends, and go on so many dates. Every time she talked about it she was going to watch Lil turn green with envy and be as resentful as possible. Kimi was going to make Lil regret stealing Tommy from her. She would talk so highly about how it is being single and then remind Lil that she had a boyfriend who was so suffocating it didn't make sense. Then right under Lil's nose she was going to steal Tommy and when he gets so infatuated with her she was going to get with another guy.

She wasn't going to be a slut, but being the girl every guy desired was always something Lil wanted. Now it was something Kimi needed more then ever.

"Are you okay?" Lil asked Kimi when Kimi found her and Tommy in a bedroom sitting next to each other on the floor. Kimi assumed it was going to be Tommy's new room.

"Yeah I'm fine," Kimi replied.

"You were in there for a while."

"I just had to…think," she said, turning her head to look at Tommy. When Kimi had walked into the room Lil had her eyes closed and was resting her head on Tommy's shoulder. His arm was wrapped around her neck protectively and she was almost in his lap. It was so disgusting.

Tommy said something to Lil and then he stood up. "I need to talk to you outside Kimi," he told her.

She turned around and left the room and then Tommy followed, closing the door behind him. He grabbed her arm and then pulled her into another bedroom. This bedroom was decorated in green with curtains and a white futon lying on the ground with no blankets or anything. Tommy closed the door.

"We need to talk," he said.

"We have nothing to talk about," she spit out bitterly, folding her arms. For now she could act cold towards him. At least until Tommy started school and once he did she would ignore him altogether.

"Yes we do," he said. "We need to talk about the past so that it doesn't affect us anymore."

"How would it not? We had a relationship Tommy."

"Yes, but you had another one with Phil and I had one with—"

"Get over this Phil shit. I had nothing to do with him. Why would I?"

"And I had something with Lil," he said, ignoring her comment. "We shouldn't stay mad at each other anymore Kimi."

"How can I not be mad?" she asked, close to tears. "Every single day I wished you would call or write or something. I never stopped believing you would try to get in contact with me. I haven't had any boyfriends or been on dates since you were gone, and let me tell you a lot of people wanted to be with me. I just always said no because I would think of you and feel guilty for speaking with someone else."

"Why be that way when I'm gone? Why not when I was still there?"

"I was," Kimi finally snapped. "No matter what your girlfriend says I was faithful to you, although we weren't even really together. Still, I never thought of another guy, and if you think I did then you can go to hell."

Before he said anything else she left the room and went back to the other one to tell Lil she was leaving, but Lil was nowhere in sight.

* * *

Author's Note: I have had this chapter finished since I last updated, but I haven't gotten around to updating this one. I have many different stories on three computers and this one was on mine and I've been gone a lot. You will not have to wait long for the next one though, and I'm working on the one after that. Thank you so much for reading and pleez review.


	7. Chapter 7

_Cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow! _On the way to class Kimi had passed the poster for the fiftieth time. She already knew the routine and had practiced as soon as she arrived back home on Saturday. She hadn't seen Lil, but she had noticed the missed calls she had gotten from her on her cellular phone. Kimi had decided not to return them and if Lil asked if Kimi had received them she'd say yeah, but she hadn't been able to call her back since she was so busy.

Besides she was feeling a little bit happier. Sunday night during dinner Chas had called and he and Kira had spent hours talking to one another without an argument. Kimi was hoping that Kira would allow Chas to move back in so that they could be a family again. They had separated a little less then two years before, when Kimi was in her sophomore year, because Chas had gotten a promotion at his job and had to be home less and less. Kira had decided that since they would barely see each other anyway they might as well not be married. Kimi and Chuckie had begged them not to have a divorce, but to just separate and see how that is. They did it just for their kids.

"Hey Kim, you look great," someone yelled from down the hall. Kimi turned around and saw Peter Bridges wave at her and she smiled. He was a football player last year and was so good at it that he could've been the quarterback if the coach had allowed juniors to be one. That last year he used to also flirt with Kimi every chance that he got. Most of the time he had a girlfriend, but no one is constantly in a relationship at her school, especially these days.

"Thanks Pete, so do you!"

She turned back around and continued walking to class, a new boost of self-confidence entering her body. Before she had only been walking, but now she was strutting her stuff in her new Steve Madden high heels. She knew that she had long legs and she was wearing a skirt to show them off. She wondered what Lil was wearing, but she wouldn't have to wait long because Lil was in her next hour…and so was Tommy. She knew that because Lil had text messaged Kimi his schedule and although she wasn't responding she was going to read them.

Kimi reached for the handle of the classroom door, but before turning it she looked back over her shoulder to see if there was someone else she felt like saying hi to. She waved to a girl that was passing by with her books pressed against her chest, and then Kimi walked inside the classroom and took a seat.

She wasn't the first person in the classroom so she smiled as she began arranging her supplies neatly on her desk. She was surprised that Lil and Tommy weren't already there, writing love notes to one another. She rolled her eyes at the image. She turned around to talk to the guy that sat diagonal from her, Quentin Jones.

They were talking for about two minutes when Lil walked in. She was wearing short shorts and a spaghetti strapped tank top, violating the dress code just so she could look good. "That whore," Kimi said under her breath. She rolled her eyes and smiled at Quentin before turning back around in her own seat. They were still sitting in alphabetical order and so Kimi and Lil sat pretty close to one another. Kimi was just a row behind her and two seats across, next to a window. At first Kimi and Lil had been disappointed, but now Kimi didn't care.

"Kimi," Lil said in a loud whisper.

Kimi tried to ignore her, but Lil kept calling her name. She took a deep and annoyed breath before looking at her "best friend."

"What do you want?" Kimi asked. It sounder harsher then she intended and she hoped that Lil wouldn't get mad and acting all crazy and rude.

Lil noticed it, but ignored her friend's attitude. "Tommy is talking to the teacher now and then he's going to come in. Oh I cannot wait Kimi! This is the first class I've had with him so far."

_Good for you! _Kimi thought sarcastically. She didn't say anything out loud.

"I saw you talking to Pete Bridges. Well, I mean I _heard_ you. What's going on? Do you like him?"

_Uh smarty-pants, we are in class and everyone is listening to us. It's not like you sit directly behind me or something, but you are really acting stupid._ "I always talk to Pete, Lil."

"Yeah, but he said you look great."

"I _do_ look great."

The people that were listening stifled a laugh.

"Mind your own business," Lil snapped, glaring behind them.

"Give it a rest," Kimi said in annoyance. "Just stop talking and they'll be able to mind their own business okay. Daydream about your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," Lil replied, her voice growing tight and angry.

"You act like it," Kimi said and then added, "and don't give me that friends with benefits bull. You are so more then that Lillian Deville."

"How so?"

"You just…are."

Lil was silent for a moment until her face turned into a mischievous grin. "I think you're jealous."

For a moment Kimi didn't hear her, but when she realized what Lil had said she forced a laugh. "I'm jealous? Of what, Lil? Am I supposed to be jealous of you or something?"

"You're jealous because you lost Tommy to me."

Kimi laughed. She forgot about the rest of the class. All she did was see, smell, and hear Lillian Deville. What was her so-called friend's problem? She's like all of a sudden having all of these weird mood swings or something, but Kimi could get dirty too. "I did not lose Tommy to you. Remember, I was with Phil?"

"You thought you could get with both of them," Lil said, not at all fazed by the way Kimi threw her lie in her face. It was as if she really believed she saw Kimi with Phil, or as if she had.

"It's a little too early to get cocky. Besides, I didn't lose Tommy to you remember? You just said that you two aren't together." The bell rung for class to begin, but still the teacher wasn't their and neither was Tommy.

"You just said we were."

"Well my mistake then," Kimi said sarcastically.

Lil smiled and then gently she said, "I won't tell anyone that you have problems keeping a man and that you lost him to your best friend."

"Who said you were my best friend you whore?" Kimi snapped slamming her hands on the desk and standing up. The class all gasped in surprise. Kimi usually was calm and easygoing. She was usually laughing and playing around and she never got into a loud argument or anything like that.

Lil stood up too and watched as Kimi stormed up to her desk angrily. "Whoa, are you on your period because it seems like you have a case of PMS?" Lil joked. The whole class laughed while Kimi's face was red from rage. What was she going to say now?

Everyone waited for Kimi to sock Lil in her jaw or push her back into her seat. They wanted to see a vicious fight between the two girls so that they would find out who was better then the other one. Kimi knew what they wanted, but she was going to make them wait.

"Well Lillian Deville, all I have to you is fifteen words and I want you to think about them. You're a stupid bitch and I'm gonna get you back when you least expect it."

Lil's mouth slid open and she stared at Kimi in surprise, as did everyone else.

However Kimi wasn't finished. "And at least I can saw I know what your boyfriend is like in bed and…you don't."

The class laughed and Kimi held a satisfied smirk across her lips, as Lil's face was the red one now. She glared at Kimi before turning her head from embarrassment just as the door opened and in walked the teacher…and Tommy.

For the rest of that class when the teacher wasn't paying attention the other kids would pass notes to Kimi, giving her props for blazing on Lil like she had done. Did she feel bad about embarrassing her friend? A little bit. Did she regret it? No she didn't, because she had to show Lil who was boss. Lil wasn't going to start thinking she was better then Kimi just because she was fooling around with Tommy after Kimi had. Easily Kimi could get a boyfriend, a new best friend, and she could become an instant celebrity at the school.

Every time Kimi glanced at Lil she could tell that Lil was hiding her tears from everyone else. She was sure that if he could've, Tommy would've walked up to her and asked what was wrong. Then Lil was going to blame Kimi and Tommy would hate her more then he already did.

Still the news of Kimi and Lil's argument had spread around the school and at lunch almost everyone was swarmed around her. She didn't even realize that she was being dragged away from the crowd until she noticed that she was outside of the cafeteria and in the empty hallway.

"Kimi, why did you make Lil cry?"

Kimi glared defiantly at Tommy and folded her arms across her chest. "I really don't want to talk about Lil right now." She turned around so that she could walk away, but he grabbed her arms. She swung them away to break free from his grasp.

"What the hell do you want Tommy?" she asked loudly.

"Who are you?" he asked her. "You don't act like this Kimi."

"Who are you to tell me what I act like?" she snapped. "You don't even know me Tommy. Just because you come back from wherever you had went doesn't mean that you know me anymore. It's been like two years and people change. You sure had."

"Why did you make her cry Kimi?"

She rolled her eyes and took a deep and annoyed breath. "I didn't make anyone do anything. If she hadn't been trying to embarrass me she wouldn't have made a fool of herself."

"Kimi, my girlfriend is in there crying and—"

"And she said it's my fault. Well it isn't."

"It is, because you didn't have to say anything."

"Oh come on Tommy, anyone with any sense know that I would _never_ sleep with you?"

"You told her that we slept together?" he asked Kimi loudly.

"I told her that I knew what you were like in bed."

"In front of everybody?"

"She said that I was PMSing."

"Kimi Finster, why would you lie like that?"

"I never said we had sex."

"What do you think people think we did?"

"It doesn't matter what they think. Did you ask her who started it?"

"She said that you began accusing her of stuff."

"She started it Tommy and she has to live with the consequences. Besides, she embarrassed me so I had to get her back. I'm still her friend though. Tell Lil that I forgive her and I'll hang out with her later."

_I know I'm acting like a brat and really insensitive, but Lil really made me upset. We didn't even have to talk about it in front of everyone. That's probably why she's crying, because everyone heard me embarrass her. I still really want to be Lil's friend and I really want to apologize to her, but I don't know if I can. I mean, what if say it but don't really mean it? Then it really isn't an apology right?_


	8. Chapter 8

The phone had rung another two times before finally the voicemail decided to come on. "Hey this is Lil. Sorry I missed your call, but if you leave a message I'll holla back."

Kimi rolled my eyes and closed her flip phone so that it would hang up the call. She must've really hurt Lil's feelings, because she still wasn't answering her phone. It didn't make any sense to Kimi. Lil had said that she was jealous of her. People might actually believe that. She was going to go around the school and people were going to think that she was jealous of _her_. Still, Kimi wasn't going around crying and make it seem like Lil was such an awful person.

Besides, Kimi needed to talk to her. She needed to find out if Lil was stilltrying outfor cheerleading like she was. If so, maybe after tryouts they could go out for milkshakes or something, like old times. They could skip the diet for one day. Well, Lil could. Kimi planned on throwing hers up as soon as she got home. This wasn't so much about being what Tommy wanted anymore. After that compliment from Pete, Kimi was going to have everybody's guys. Pete really boosted her ego earlier that day.

Lil started all of this though, and when Kimi said that she was going to make her pay she meant it. She was going to do whatever she could to make Lil miserable while also being her best friend like usual. Kimi wasn't used to being so mean, but as time went by she convinced herself that she would get used to it. _On soap opera the actors and actresses love being able to play the bad guy. Now it's my turn to enjoy it._

As soon as Kimi had got home, boredom overcame her usual happy mood. Her mother wasn't home and Kimi was starting to miss her dad and brother. No one cared that she was still depressed about her parents' separation. Maybe having bulimia wasn't going to be so bad. She'll finally have something that she could control. She couldn't stop Tommy when he had to leave and she couldn't make her parents get back together. _So what if eating disorders are dangerous? I can stop it before it takes over my life and hurt me. I'm able to admit that I have one. That's a start._

The sound of her cell phone ringing startled Kimi enough to cause her to jump before she realized where it was coming from, and then she picked it up off of her nightstand. She laughed at herself as she flipped open the phone to see who it was. Big Brotha was in black bold letters and a picture of Chuckie and his fiancée Paige. Quickly she answered it.

"Hey Chuckie," she said happily.

"Kimi, hey."

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

"Nothing. I'm supposed to be studying for this test, but you know how I am."

Chuckie had become big man on campus since his first days at Michigan State (GO SPARTANS) and he had girls doing his homework for him. All he had to do was do well on his tests and he stayed in college since he got A's. Paige didn't mind it because it gave them extra time to spend together.

"I'm so bored right now Chuckie. Mom isn't here and I don't have _any_ homework tonight." Kimi walked over to her closet and began rummaging through clothes to wear for tomorrow.

"Why don't you go over Lil's?" he asked her.

Kimi let out a groan. "She's being a bitch right now. She's been a bitch since she found out Tommy was moving back."

"Tommy moved back? Mom never told me that. I bet you're glad."

"No I wish he stayed wherever he came from," Kimi said bitterly. "He and Lil are an item now and I'm doing my own thing. They're probably together at this very moment."

"Do I detect some jealous?" Chuckie teased.

"You wish," Kimi said quickly. There was absolutely _no_ way that she was jealous of her best friend. "Lil and I got into it in class today and I made her cry, so now she's ignoring my calls and whatever. Forget her though. I can make my own friends."

Chuckie laughed. "What did you say to her?"

Kimi knew that Chuckie would understand so she told him the whole story. He and Lil had dated for a while before he started dating Paige. Lil and Chuckie looked like a cute couple, but they really weren't. Lil would get pissed when he talked to other girls and she started to smother him to the point that he began seeing Paige on the side. "…Then at lunch Tommy came up to me with this giant attitude. He's such a bastard now."

"Whoa Kim, no wonder she's ignoring you."

"She started it though…"

"Yeah, but you said some mean shit. You both were wrong. I'm just saying I would be ignoring you too."

Kimi rolled her eyes and moved away from her closet. "Cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow," she said changing the subject. "I have my routine down pact Chuckie. I cannot wait to be on the team!"

"You have any special colleges you want to apply to?" he asked her.

"So far I've been thinking about Arizona State or—"

"Arizona State is like the biggest partying school."

"I know," Kimi said with a smile. "Of course Michigan State and NYU are on my list too. I had wanted to go somewhere in Nevada, but Lil wants to go there and right now I'm not in the mood to be thinking about going to the same college as her. Besides, I don't really want to live there anyway."

"You still want to be a doctor?" he asked her.

"I want to be a flight attendant or some kind of obstetrician," she replied. "What are you majoring in again? Isn't it philosophy?"

"Yeah, so that I can be some kind of professor," Chuckie told her.

"Well, how's life on campus as a sophomore?" she asked him.

"I'm a freshman Kimi," Chuckie told her. "I just left remember. Paige and I got engaged in the summer."

"It doesn't seem like it. It just seems like you're two years older than me."

"You don't even know how old I am and we're brother and sister."

"You're eighteen?" Kimi guessed.

"See? How can you get that right, but you don't even know what grade I'm in?" Chuckie asked.

"Listen Chuckie, I'm a genius. I don't have other people doing my homework for me."

"And if you tell mom or dad whatI'm doing I'll just have to become a murderer…"

Kimi laughed. "By the way Chuckie, when are you and Paris coming back? Thanksgiving break?" she asked.

"Yeah," Chuckie said. "Kim, don't you have daytime minutes on your cell?"

Kimi looked at her phone and then nodded. "Yeah, but we haven't been talking too long."

"Oh okay," he said, "but yeah, we're coming around Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see how much you've grown."

Kimi smiled and rolled her eyes. "Well, wait until you see your old flame with your old best friend and tell me what you think of that. It actually makes me sick how they're all over each other. They're always in each other's faces as if they don't have their own. I bet they're making out right now."

"Do you spend all of your precious time thinking about them? You need to go out or something."

"Hopefully when I become a cheerleader I'll forget all about George and Barbara Bush."

Chuckie laughed. "Great comparison. Is Tommy running for president or something?"

"I actually could care less," Kimi replied nonchalantly. "I just wish Lil would call me so that I can brag about memorizing the cheerleading routine and everything. I doubt that she's even going to go through with the audition. If it wasn't for her I would've tried out already."

"Have you talked to Phil since school started?" Chuckie asked her.

"Screw Phil," Kimi grumbled. "I haven't seen him since school started or since he and Lil came back from Hawaii where Howie was, but I'm sure he took his sister's side already. I wonder if he's trying out for football this year though…"

"What? You want to get with the whole football team and he'll be your easiest target since he had like this crush on you ever since seventh grade?"

"I _might_ get with the whole football team."

"What about Phil?"

"He never had a crush on me. Besides, Tommy and Lil are saying that I was already with him."

"They're spreading rumors about you?"

"I was _never ever_ with Phil."

"No, you were always talking about Tommy," Chuckie said. "Who said that you were with Phil?"

Kimi smiled. She always loved when Chuckie got really protective of her. She knew that if she told him that Tommy or some other guy said it he would leave college in a second to kick his ass. If it was a girl he knew that Kimi could fight her own battles. "It's not important," Kimi said. "What's important is that now they will _never_ see me without a boyfriend."

"Don't get a reputation Kim," Chuckie warned. "Remember that's what happened to that Savannah girl that Angie was friends with?"

"I know and I assure you that I'll be careful."

"I don't want to have to go up there and—"

"Chuckie, don't worry," Kimi cut him off. "How is everything going on with you and Paige? Are you still engaged?"

"Of course," Chuckie told her. "We're engaged, but since we got engaged so early we're sort of dating other people too. We just want to get everything out of our systems before we get married."

"Have you set a date?"

"Sometime after we graduate I know. Hey Kim, someone just knocked on my door. I gotta go alright?"

"Wait! Should I just get up and go to Lil's house?" Kimi hurried and asked.

"Yeah, whatever you want," Chuckie said and then he hung up.

Kimi closed her phone and sat it down on her dresser. Talking to her older brother always made her feel better. He always gave her great advice and he was just a great guy. She stretched out her arms and yawned before grabbing her phone and exiting the room. She was going to go to the Deville house and apologize to Lil. She had said some harsh things to her after all. Besides, Lil didn't have to know that Kimi probably didn't mean it.

* * *

Author's Note: I am so sorry I am just now updating. This chapter have been saved on my computer for some days and I thought I had updated it a long time ago. I am so sorry you guys. I really appreciate all of you still sticking with me and this story. You have all of my love.


	9. Chapter 9

Phil was in the driveway working on his car when Kimi approached the Deville home in her light blue jogging suit. He was busy fixing something on the hood that he didn't even look up until she was right next to him. "Hey Phil," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's up Phil?"

His brown hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and so were his palms so he wiped them on his pants. His shirt was balled up on the grass nearby, but as Kimi looked at his chest she could see that he was developing a little six pack from working out in the gym once a week during the summer. Although Lil's tan she had gotten was fading away, Phil's was still gleaming.

_He looks good. He looks _really_ good._

"Nothing, just working on this old car for Ronny so that he can sell it," he replied, speaking of a new friend that he made after Tommy moved. Kimi noticed how he wasn't looking at her face, but her body. She smiled inside, knowing that it was her diet that made her look good.

What was wrong with her diet before? She ate whenever she was hungry and twice a month she would go work out at the spa. Wasn't that good enough? Did she really have to throw up what she ate to look good? Maybe all of this wasn't about looking good. Maybe she was doing this for attention.

"What are you looking at?" she asked him, cocking her head to the side and smiling.

Quickly he turned his attention back to the hood of the car. "Nothing," he said guiltily. "I'm just, checking the washer fluid—I mean making sure there's enough oil. I know you didn't come here to spend time with me though so—"

"How do you know I didn't come to hang out with you?" she asked him. She actually was surprised he was being so nice to her. She was sure that he knew about the incident with Lil and would be pissed off at her. Maybe, somehow, he didn't find out.

Phil ignored her question and instead asked, "Did you come here to apologize to Lil?" So much for him not knowing. Kimi couldn't tell if he sounded upset about it, or if he just didn't care. It sort of caught her off guard, but at the same time it was good that he reminded her her motive for being there.

"What if I just came to see you? I haven't even seen you around school." Kimi let Phil think his comment didn't faze her.

"_But_ speaking of your sister, is she in the house?"

Phil grinned at her before putting his attention back on the car. "She went out for a little bit. She said she was going running on the beach or something."

_Lil never runs, or at least she didn't use to. Of course that was before Hawaii._ Kimi shook out her black hair. "Well, I'll just wait for her here," she said and then she smiled at him. "Well, I heard just about all of Lil's Hawaiian story. What about yours?"

"It was alright," he said without looking at her.

"Alright?" Kimi asked. "I mean come _on_, you were in Hawaii for Christ's sake. How was your dad's home?"

"It was nice," Phil said, "he was nice, Janine was cool I guess."

"Well, what did you do? Did you go surfing? Meet some new people? Phil come _on_."

"Listen, Kimi I don't want to talk about Hawaii," Phil snapped. "Just…go please. I need to get this done and you—you're just making this worse. I'll tell Lil you came by."

Kimi took a step back and stared at Phil in disbelief. What was his problem? Obviously something was bothering him. "Phil, if you're still upset about the divorce, I understand. I went through the same thing when my parents separated, but some things are under your control and this isn't."

"This isn't about that," Phil told her quietly. "This is about Lil, Tommy, and just…all of us. Lil's changed, Tommy's mad at me, and I feel so…overwhelmed now. I have so much responsibility now that Dad's gone, and I'm worried about Mom."

Kimi took a deep breath and stared at the back of Phil's sweaty neck. Something about him was so appealing to her. It was definitely going to be fun getting reacquainted with him. Then she shook her head and thought back to what Phil had said. He didn't need a girlfriend right now, but a friend. He needed someone to talk to.

Of course, in a way Kimi felt the same thing. Lil was a big problem of hers, Tommy was just as much of a problem, and everything seemed even worse with Kira and Chas separated. She really missed having Chuckie home. Exams would definitely be coming up, she had college to think about, cheerleading tryouts, and the whole shebang. He needed to find a therapy method. Kimi had already found hers.

"Why is Tommy mad at you?" she asked him.

"He thinks that before he moved we had something going on and he thinks I'm some type of traitor."

"Screw his bitch ass," Kimi said bitterly. "He gets on my nerves too. Lil's been bugging me too."

"Yeah well, I'm worried about her," he said, but before Kimi could ask more you could hear footsteps on the sidewalk. Kimi looked up and saw Lil running towards them, her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"I'll talk to you later Phil," Kimi said, placing her hands on her hips and walking towards the end of the driveway to meet Lil. She could tell that Lil's face had a mixture of anger and surprise on it, probably because Kimi had the nerve to come by.

"What do you want?" Lil asked her when she came up to her.

"I want to apologize," Kimi said. "I'm sorry for the things I said in class to you. Those things…it should've just stayed between us. Besides, most of it was lies anyway."

Lil scratched her head. "I know. I talked to Tommy."

"Yeah well, that's why I came by," Kimi said uncomfortably. Was that really all Lil was going to say? She wasn't going to apologize back? After all, she was the one who started it. She crossed her arms over her chest and then looked back at Phil. "Your brother looks really good. I wish we did have something going on back in the day."

Lil laughed. "He spent most of his time away from home in Hawaii. I barely saw him myself. I think he was secretly hooking up with this girl there, but I didn't have enough evidence."

"He's just upset," Kimi said seriously. "He has a lot going on, and he doesn't know how to handle it all. I guess he wishes your dad was still around."

Lil rolled her eyes. "Man Kimi, he really needs to get over that," she said and then followed it with an annoyed sigh. "He thinks he has a lot going on. Well, what about me? My mom isn't a very good role model right now. I keep telling him that Dad is remarried; he can't come back even if he wanted to. Of course, I _know_ he doesn't want to. He'd better be glad they aren't fighting anymore."

"It must just be hard for him. I know it was hard for you."

"I'm just glad they aren't fighting like they used to. It's more peaceful now that they're divorced. Yeah, I miss having Dad around, but I got over it. Dad is over it. Mom is over it. The only person we're waiting on is my brother."

Kimi decided to change the subject. "So, do you have the routine memorized for cheerleading tryouts tomorrow?" Kimi asked her.

Lil shook her head. "I'm not doing it. I want to spend most of my time with Tommy instead of two hours of practice after school. It's really a waste of time anyway."

"It's not a waste of time," Kimi argued. "Don't put it down just because you aren't doing it. In fact, you used to be more excited about it then I was before your jackass of a boyfriend came back."

"Kimi," Lil said, "let's not start this. You know what, I have homework tonight and then I'm going to shower and go to bed. I'm really tired and…I don't want to argue with you again."

Kimi looked back at Phil before she looked at her friend. "Okay Lil, you're right. I'll see you tomorrow."

Without saying another word Kimi walked back to the direction of her house. Sometimes Lil wasn't even worth anything but two dead flies crushed in a windowsill.

* * *

Author's Note: I am so sorry it took me so long to update. This chapter has just been sitting on my computer for the longest time because I swear I thought I had updated. I am so sorry about everything.

Benji's Riot Gurl: I would love for you to help me out with some of this. I looked on your profile page for your email a while ago and I didn't see it and then I had to remember what your name thingy was. My email is or Thanks so much for your offer.


	10. Chapter 10

Two more weeks had passed. Two weeks of Kimi being a cheerleader, and two weeks of not seeing Lil outside of school. Cheerleading practice lasted two hours after school and you only got one break. In fact she was in the gym practicing her stretches with her eyes closed while the girls were in the locker room changing. She knew most of the girls who were now cheerleaders and those that she hadn't known were also her friends. It was Wednesday afternoon, a day with no homework for a change, and on Friday a homecoming game was coming up. Kimi had gotten to know a lot of the football players, but she still hadn't chosen the one she was going to get with first.

"Hey Kim," someone said, sitting down across from her and spreading her legs out for stretches. Kimi opened her eyes and looked at Cassandra Bates who was reaching for her left toes.

"Hey Cassie, what's up?" Kimi asked her.

"Nothing," Cassie said. "So, are you going to the homecoming dance?"

"Yeah. Of course, I don't have a date yet, but I will have one by tomorrow."

Cassie laughed. "I had my date since last year."

Kimi laughed too. "I do have my dress though. Oh my goodness my dress is so pretty. You really have to see how good it looks."

"My dress is really cute too, and Jake rented us this white Jag. We are going to look so good."

"This year I'm running for prom queen so I decided not to run for homecoming," Kimi told her, as if she didn't know. The people running for homecoming was this girl on the squad named Deanna, two girls named Kayla, a girl named Sari, and Lil was also running. Of course it didn't look like Lil was getting popular, so Kimi was voting for Deanna. Besides, she didn't want Lil to win anything this year.

"Homecoming is going to be so fun," Cassie said sighing. "My parents extended my curfew until midnight so I am going to have some fun!"

"I can't wait for the pep rally," Vicky Shaw said, slipping down to the floor while doing the splits. "Pep rallies are always the greatest."

"Who are you voting for queen?" Kimi asked them.

"I am voting for Sari," Vicky answered. "I don't think any of them has queen potential except for her."

"I'm voting for Lil," Cassie said, looking at Kimi. "She called me yesterday and asked for my vote so I said yes, and you all know how much I hate to lie. Who are you voting for Kim?"

"Deanna," she replied nonchalantly. "She's always been really nice to me so I thought, why not help out the team? She might pay me back when I run for prom queen."

"Isn't Lil your best friend?"

"Well…she used to be until she started putting down the things I like. Let's use cheerleading as an example. She called it a waste of time. She doesn't even know that you can get a scholarship for college."

"Lil said that this is a waste of time?" Cassie asked. "She told me that she was happy I made the squad and that she would've tried out if she remembered when they were."

"She lied to you then," Kimi revealed. "I was at her house not too long before tryouts and reminded her."

Cassie gasped. One thing about her was that she never told anyone lies or made promises that she couldn't keep. If anyone asked you if you looked fat in some jeans she would gently tell you the truth. If she said that she was going to vote for you then by all means she would. So she hated it when people took advantage of her generosity and when they told her lies.

"She probably knew that if she tried out she wouldn't have made it," Vicky said, "although that doesn't give her a reason to lie to do."

"Well I'm just going to tell her that I changed my mind. My vote goes to someone more deserving and before Lil called I was going to vote for Kayla Pritchett. I guess I'm just going to vote for her still."

_Score one, Kimi. None, Lil._

When Kimi walked through the door a feeling of emptiness overwhelmed her. She walked into the kitchen where she found a note from Kira. It read:

_Kimi-chan,_

_Your father invited me to dinner and I accepted. I wanted to wait until you were home, but I knew you'd understand._

_Love,_

_Your mother_

Kimi read the note over three times as a smile replaced the frown once on her lips. Her parents were out on a date and it was a school night. That meant that they both had work in the morning. Knowing her parents her mother wasn't going to return home until later that night. In fact, Kimi might even be asleep by then. She dug into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, pressing 3 on her speed dial.

"Hello," Lil answered.

"Hey. Guess what."

"Sounds like practice went well," Lil said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, but that's not it."

"Well, what is?" Lil asked, not the least bit sounding interested.

"My mom isn't home. She went out on a date!"

"So? She's still married."

Kimi's happy mood faded away so quickly it was as if she was shot with tranquilizers. "She went out with my dad."

Lil was silent on the other end before finally answering. "So? They're still married. I don't know why you sound all happy about it."

Kimi's mood sunk even lower, almost to the point that she wanted to cry. Of course she thought of Cassandra who had also been upset when she found out Lil had lied to her. For an entire hour in practice obviously it was bothering her because she skipped steps in routines and was so off track. Her eyes looked so empty that the head cheerleader even asked her if she wanted to leave the rest of the practice because she looked like someone had died. Kimi's eyes suddenly flared to anger. It seemed like they were fighting a lot lately.

"I'm happy about it because they are my parents and I thought you would be happy about it because you were my friend," Kimi snapped. "In case you forgot my parents have been separated for two years and I have been hurting."

"Well I'm sorry, but it's something that—"

"That you should understand, seeing that your parents are divorced and it fucked _you_ up," Kimi exclaimed.

"What?" Lil asked in surprise.

"You know what I said, I screamed it loud enough. You know what else you are Lil, a liar and you are a loser. You aren't going to win homecoming queen and you won't have a boyfriend by the end of the year either. In fact you keep eating the way that you do and you'll be dead. Of course it's not like I care, because already you're dead to me you bitch."

Kimi closed her flip phone so that her call with Lil would be hung up and then she slammed her phone down on the counter. "I hate her," she screamed. She didn't know what she was going to do. Lil was supposed to be her best friend. Best friends were supposed to be happy when their friends were. She felt like walking over to Lil's house and stabbing her in her heart, where it would hurt the most.

She was hurting too. As she walked over to the bathroom on the first floor she was hurting so much that she thought she wasn't going to make it. Her stomach was starting to feel nauseas and she didn't know if it was because her body knew what she was going to do, or if she was just really sick. She sat down and brought her knees up to her chest, leaning over the toilet bowl until she did it.

She cried as she threw up until her insides were hurting. She threw up until she couldn't do it anymore and then instead of going into the kitchen to put someone on her stomach she walked into her room and closed and locked the door. Then once again she screamed.


	11. Chapter 11

"…So even though I didn't win, Tommy and I still had a really good time." Kimi was thumping through a copy of Seventeen magazine the week after homecoming and listening to Lil explain the details of her unsuccessful night. It was so hard staying enemies with Lil. After their incident Lil kept blowing Kimi's phone up until finally Kimi listened to what she had to say, and Lil had redeemed herself. She was back into Kimi's good graces.

So what did Kimi do on homecoming weekend?

Her homecoming night happened to be awesome. The weekend started out great because she ended up having a date with Peter Bridges by Friday and homecoming night they were the hottest couple. Pete scored the winning touchdown and Kimi was the so-called hottest cheerleader. When the dance came around on Saturday it started off great because Kira and Chas had gone out on another date. Lil ended up losing the homecoming crown to Sari Buress and watching her exit the stage in tears was priceless. The night ended with Kimi and Pete making out in his car in her driveway and she would've invited him inside if Kira's bedroom light weren't on.

It was Sunday evening and on Monday they didn't have school, so Kimi was staying the night at Lil's place. Betty hadn't cooked dinner so she left Kimi, Phil, and Lil to fend for themselves. In fact, at that very moment Phil was downstairs hooking up a pizza putting their favorite toppings on it.

"Look at this girl," Kimi said in disgust, holding up the magazine and pointing at a tall and skinny blond wearing tight jeans and a low cut shirt. "She is absolutely too thin. What is she, anorexic? I never want to be that skinny." Before Lil could say anything Kimi slammed the magazine back down and turned the page. "I can't believe a magazine like Seventeen would even publish that. They must've made a mistake."

"I'm sure they did," Lil said quietly.

Then Kimi sighed. "That pizza smells so good downstairs," she said dreamily. She rolled on her back and then strained to look at Lil. "Girl, you do not know how hungry I am. That salad I ate did not fill me up at all." They both were quiet and then someone's stomach grumbled. Kimi looked at Lil and smiled. "Obviously you're hungry too."

Lil shook her head. "I'm not hungry. Sometimes my stomach just does that."

"Oh," Kimi said, although she hadn't even paid attention to what Lil said.

"You know what," Lil finally asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

"What?"

"Tommy is so hot."

Kimi rolled her eyes and forced a laugh. "He's such a loser because he's not _doing_ anything. Does he even have any friends?" Kimi was honestly curious. She never ever saw Tommy hanging out with anyone but Lil. Before he had moved he was one of the most popular guys at the school. Girls were constantly throwing their numbers at him and he seemed to enjoy the attention.

"Tommy spends time with me," Lil said.

_I know he does._

Kimi yawned and then rolled on her stomach after tossing the magazine across the room. "Tomorrow I am going to pamper myself. First I'm waking up early and going on a jog and then I'm spending the afternoon at the gym before I go to the spa. Would you like to go with me?"

"Sure."

"Cool."

"I really feel like going shopping right now," Lil said.

"Me too, but I need a job. I might be applying for one at the mall actually. Pete is going to show me how to make a résumé. He is a life saver."

Lil laughed nervously. "We should work together. You know, get a job and stuff…"

"That sounds fun. So um…oh have you been watching Desperate Housewives?" Kimi asked her friend.

Lil shook her head vigorously. "TV isn't a part of my life that much anymore. I've been focusing on my diet and everything. I've lost a couple of more pounds last week."

"I knew I had noticed something different about you, but I thought it was just a haircut." Kimi watched as Lil stood up and spun around, a smile on her face. _She definitely loves the attention. Now that I'm paying attention I can tell a difference in her weight, but it's a slight difference. She looks really nice now…_

"I'm not too thin am I?" Lil asked, stopping dead in her tracks with a serious look on her face.

"No," Kimi replied. "You really look awesome Lil, like a different person. Is it really that three meals a day thing, because three meals is actually what you're supposed to have? Are you just cutting your carbs?"

"More like skipping meals," Lil replied with a joking tone. Kimi stared at her for a moment before Lil burst into laugher. "God Kimi, you are so gullible. I'm eating okay, _three_ times a day. I've just been running every evening and watching what I eat. When I feel like getting a donut I just choose a carton of yogurt or something. _Fat free_ yogurt. What have you been doing? You look sort of different. Have _you_ been eating?"

"I'm about to eat some of that pizza downstairs."

"Well then you're purging."

Kimi knew that Lil was joking, but for some reason she felt like Lil seriously thought she was throwing up. If she did then she definitely was right. Slowly Kimi forced her head to shake and then she faked a laugh that sounded surprisingly convincing. And she thought Angelica was the actress. "Oh yeah Lil, I'm purging and taking a side of laxatives. Are you sure you aren't the one doing it?"

"I'm sure. I am pregnant though."

"Lil, give it up. I know you aren't pregnant."

"Oh yeah, then how come I have a test that says otherwise?"

Kimi rolled her eyes and finally Lil laughed.

"Would you be mad if I was really pregnant? With Tommy's baby?"

"Why would I be mad? You're my best friend."

Lil shrugged. "I guess because he's your ex and all. You really seem bothered by us going out. We never argued so often as we do now Kimi. I hate it when we fight."

"We don't fight because of your boyfriend. And I thought you two didn't have a label?"

"We added one," Lil said, "and it was his idea. He's the greatest boyfriend ever. He's counting down the days to my birthday. Can you believe it? My birthday isn't even any time soon, but he knows better than I do. If I was to get pregnant by anyone I would hope to get pregnant by him." She sighed and imagined her life with him. There would be three kids and a house with a white picket fence. Tommy would be a movie director like he wants to be, and Lil would be a famous model. Celebrities would come to their house on a daily basis and—

"Lil! Come on, Phil said the pizza's ready." Lil just realized Kimi was standing in the doorway and she quickly hopped up to follow her friend downstairs.


	12. Chapter 12

_My God, I ate too much._ When she first woke up Kimi didn't realize where she was until she sat up and saw Lil sleeping in her pile of blankets next to her on the floor. Suddenly she had a flashback of downing five slices of pizza. Five slices of pizza smothered in cheese with pepperoni, green peppers, ham, sausage, banana peppers, mushrooms, pineapples, and green olives was resting in her stomach and she could still tell that her stomach was bloated. Lil had definitely restricted herself and she took off everything on her pizza, passing all of her scrapings to Kimi since Kimi wasn't going to quit eating for anything. She loved pizza, especially with tons of cheese. She kept giving her compliments to the chef, Phil, and joking and flirting with him until she almost choked. Then she swallowed her food with two cups of red pop. Now she felt so _fat_.

Kimi tried closing her eyes and going back to sleep, but she kept thinking about that pizza and her fat stomach. Images of herself so fat and stuck in the doorway flashed through her mind until she saw the skinny and gorgeous Lil coming with butter to slip Kimi out of the cracks.

_You can always throw it up. _Something in Kimi's subconscious mind let itself be known and began filling Kimi with thoughts rapidly. _No one will ever know. You aren't doing anything wrong. People get sick and throw up all of the time. At least you're eating whatever you want and not starving yourself. This one time will be all right. Lots of people get stomachaches after they eat something, and five slices of pizza is a lot for one person. If you get fat your risking your health, but throwing up will prevent that._

Then something else in Kimi's mind tried to fight her before she stood up to go to the bathroom. It was like an angel whispering in her ear. _In a few moments you're going to be getting ready to go on your jog. Running will make you feel better and then you're going to work it off. Throwing up is just going to help your sick habit continue on. There are other directions that you can take. You know purging is wrong and that's why you were so quick to deny it when you were with Lil._

Lil. She was the reason for Kimi feeling that way. Her and her stupid diet. She stole Tommy away from Kimi right from under her nose. Lil got to have everything. She got to spend the whole summer in Hawaii and she still looked gorgeous. She wasn't going to be fat like her mother, and fat like her best friend. Her parents were divorced and she was lucky enough not to care. Kimi's parents were only separated, and she felt like her world was ending.

Why am I so mad at her? What is my purpose of trying to piss her off? Could I really be jealous of her? Nobody had a perfect life. There were sure to be some skeletons in Lil's closet. Am I mad that she isn't confiding in me anymore? If you just look at everything I've done, and is trying to do, you would know that this is so out of my character. Where was the free-spirited girl who chased after butterflies until it was time to go inside? Did she die with my parent's marriage?

_Things were so hard as you got older. You were able to see everyone's true feelings towards you as they began not to care. It was even harder to distinguish your friends from your enemies because everyone had their own vendetta. I guess I was playing Lil, but she was probably playing me too. You never knew anyone's true motives anymore. Was my own motive to destroy my body? Did I believe it would bring my parents together? Honestly, no, at least not permanently. It would push them in the right direction though._

Kimi's diet was getting worse, and throwing up was the only way to protect her. All of the carbs that she was eating would just make her body deteriorate. The meat that she was eating would only clog her arteries. All of those acids would have to come out one way or another. _It was really saving my life. If I told Lil she would understand. _Then again she probably wouldn't. Once she noticed how good Kimi was looking she would try to steal her "friend's" spotlight.

_Why am I making her the enemy? _Kimi was practically in tears, she felt like she was so crazy. Purging was bad for her, wasn't it? A few years ago she would've thought so, but because she was the one doing it, it was okay. If you purged it could go undetected for years. Her teeth wouldn't turn yellow and rot because she brushed them immediately afterwards, and she went to the dentist like she was supposed to. Besides, if someone said it other people wouldn't believe it. She was the cheerleader now. She went to homecoming with one of the hottest guys in the school. It was her senior year! She was graduating. Soon she would be finding out if she were accepted to any colleges, hopefully some very far away. She wasn't doing anything wrong.

_Then how come I feel so guilty?_ She really felt lost. All of a sudden, so early in the race, she felt like dropping out. Then the voice popped back into her head.

_You're guilty because all you've done is bad. You let Lil ruin your life, you let your brother abandon you, and you made your parents break up. You aren't guilty for thinking that you have an eating disorder. You don't. You just have normal teenage issues and you need to make things right again. Tommy is rightfully yours. Your brother should be helping you save your parents' marriage, and you need to show everyone the bitch Lil is. Everything will be all right after that._

_Things will be like they should. Right?_

_Right?_


	13. Chapter 13

"Get up, let's walk."

Lil was hovering over Kimi who was dressed for jogging, yet leaning over the bed half asleep. First Lil had to slip ice down Kimi's shirt to even get her to wake up, and then she leave the room for a second to find her best friend asleep. This was her idea, and now she was trying to back out of it.

"Lil, I'm just so tired," Kimi whined as Lil pulled her to her feet. "I didn't get any sleep last night. My stomach was killing me." Kimi stumbled once she was on her feet and Lil had to keep her from falling.

"You're stomach? I wonder if Phil put anything in your food because you're acting drunk."

Kimi quickly pulled away from Lil and struggled to stand still. She was just so exhausted. Her whole Friday night had really worn her out, yet as she tried to remember everything she realized that it was a blur. "I didn't sleep too well," Kimi replied quietly. However Lil was practically bouncing up and down with excitement.

"I slept great and I feel so pumped!" she exclaimed loudly. She made her way to her bedroom door and flung is open.

"Shh," Kimi hissed while taking her time to leave the room. "Your brother is asleep."

Lil rolled her eyes and waited for Kimi to close her bedroom door. Meanwhile Kimi's half-asleep mind was suddenly racing. _What is going on with me? I'm supposed to be the one excited about this jog. I planned this whole day for crying out loud. Now Lil is bouncing off walls and I'm acting like a two year old who wants to get in a stroller instead of walk._

The sun was already rising as the girls stepped outside and onto the porch. The air was warm and already the humidity was making it hotter then it needed to be. "It would be nice for a little breeze," Kimi said yawning. They both began walking. Lil was taking long and steady strides while Kimi tried keeping up. The warm air was really doing something to get her blood running though and soon she was challenging Lil to a race.

"Let's just go to that stop sign," Kimi said and then her and Lil stopped.

"On your mark, get set," Lil broke into a run. Her brown hair was flying in the air while she turned her head and yelled, "Go!"

"Cheater!" Kimi cried, chasing after the brunette. However, she knew that there was no way Lil was going to beat her. Kimi was working out endlessly every day, especially for cheerleading, and Lil wasn't. Maybe except for her occasional run in the evening, she spent her time burning off calories by making out with Tommy and barely eating.

Easily Kimi brushed passed her opponent just before Lil touched the sign. "I won!" Kimi exclaimed, stopping. While Lil bent over to steady her breathing, Kimi was dancing in celebration. "I know this sounds cliché, but cheaters never win."

"Okay…" Lil said nodding. "So you won? It wasn't like we made a bet or anything."

"You're right, but victory is mine!"

Lil nodded and stared up to see what street they were on. Her face broke out in a smile. "Hey, we're right by Tommy's house. You wanna go?"

Honestly Kimi didn't, but she didn't want to really say anything. She looked down. She did look fashionable in her lavender jumpsuit, but she had perspiration along her hairline. She would rather shower before facing Tommy again. "This early?" Kimi asked. It was still quite early, and she knew that Tommy slept in until at least noon. _At least he used to._

Lil nodded and pulled her hair scrunchie out to shake out her hair. It was so messy, and yet it looked nice. "They always have breakfast early in the morning. We can get a bite."

Even the thought of food make Kimi feel sick to her stomach. An image of her hovering over the toilet flashed through her mind. She felt like throwing up again. "I can't eat anything now. My stomach is still full from that pizza."

"Okay, we don't have to eat. I don't really even feel like it. Still, let's go over there. Tommy might want to come to the gym with us."

"Making out in the steam room is not an exercise," Kimi muttered, half-serious. Lil looked at her. She heard what Kimi said, but would she say anything about it?

No. "If Pete was around I know you would want him to come."

"Pete isn't around though, is he? Besides, he's probably sleeping off a hangover or something."

Lil laughed and began happily skipping toward Tommy's house. "Fine Kimi, I'll meet you at the gym if you don't wanna come with me," she sang.

Kimi took a deep breath and began walking after her. "I wish I never invited her."

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"…Then I said to her, 'Charlotte, Angelica is an adult now and you need to let her make her own mistakes,' and then she was quiet." Didi took a huge bite of her pancakes that was covered in so much maple syrup that Kimi was throwing up in her mind. Then with her mouth full she asked, "Kimi, are you sure you don't want anything?"

_Is she kidding me? _Trying hard to hide her annoyance Kimi sighed, "Yeah I'm sure."

The Pickles were already seated for breakfast when Dil opened the door to let the girls in. They were eating pancakes, sausage, eggs, and of course they had an assortment of fruit and liquids. Didi had asked the girls about eight times if they wanted something to eat and finally Lil gave in and ate a small sausage. Kimi was sticking to her guns and said no.

"Mom, Kimi's a cheerleader now," Dil said. "She cheered at the homecoming game, and her date won the winning touchdown."

Didi nodded and smiled at Kimi. "Yeah, I know. Her mother told me all about it. Kimi, have you talked to Chuckie in a while?"

"I talked to him last week," Kimi said. She looked at Lil hoping that her friend was ready to leave, but her and Tommy were quietly talking on the side. Then she looked back at Didi. "He's doing pretty good at school."

Stu cleared his throat. "It's nice having you around again Kimi. You used to be here so often, but now we never even hear about you."

"Yeah, um…" Kimi stammered, "I've been really busy with cheerleading and school and everything. Plus I have to help my mom out a lot more now that Dad's not around."

There was a wave of silence that covered the table before Dil asked what colleges she had been checking out.

"I sort of want to study fashion. You know, open my own boutique or something. I've sent out a few applications, but I don't even really want to go to college. If I do I'd like to go to Syracuse in New York, but right now I'm just researching schools that specialize in fashion and design."

Stu and Didi nodded and then asked Lil about herself. She wasn't listening to us, so they repeated the answer and she said that she wanted to study abroad before going back to talking to Tommy.

"So Dil…are you glad to be back?" I asked.

He stared at me for a second and then finally he shrugged. "I guess so," he replied. "Are you glad that we're back?"

I glanced at Stu and Didi who were eagerly discussing something about Stu's work before I looked at Tommy and Lil. "I guess so," I murmured.

I stayed at that dinner table for another fifteen minutes trying to make conversation, but finding myself resent Tommy more and more for coming back. Then I would look at the pancakes and get sick to my stomach, hoping that Lil would notice and care enough to tell the Pickles goodbye and thanks for their hospitality. Of course, whatever ESP we used to have was now gone as well as every sense in Lil's head. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and stood up.

"Bye Mr. and Mrs. Pickles," I said, feeling like saying their first names were too casual when we barely knew each other anymore. "Thanks for allowing me to sit here, but I have things to do that can't wait all day."

Then I quickly left the house without looking back, except for when I heard the sound of my stomach grumbling.

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Author's Note: I hope you all liked it. TRUST ME, IT'S GONNA GET BETTER REALLY SOON! I have it all planned out, but I'm gonna have to space the time a little bit more. This chapter was just there for some reason, I don't even know why I wrote it. But, I did have to update before my birthday which is in (gasp) four days! Remember to send me ecards. Surrealsmiles said she will (--)


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: You guys are awesome! I do have to apologize about the ending where I went from third person to first person. That happens to me a lot, but usually I catch it before I post the chapters. I'm sorry though.

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The months went by and soon Kimi was watching as the snow fell from outside her window and she was longing for basketball season to begin. Once fall was over the football season ended and she no longer had anything to cheer for. At least she didn't have anything to cheer for sports wise. Her parents definitely seemed on the verge of reconciliation and she's been keeping Chuckie posted.

It began snowing in the middle of November and they had a snow day right before Thanksgiving break. Kira was gone to get Chas so that they could meet Chuckie and Paige at the airport together. It was a surprise for Kimi because her parents were moving so fast. Now they were going to share a Thanksgiving meal with each other. Things were beginning to look better.

School was definitely amazing. Kimi and Pete was the hottest item, and he was such a great guy. Most people knew about them then the other way around. Half time Kimi didn't even know who was talking to her. Most importantly she began noticing changes in Lil that were happening slowly. Her face was getting thinner and she was wearing baggier shirts. She'd leave campus to "eat" lunch and then come back with her stomach growling. She still looked good, but pretty long it wouldn't be staying that way. Kimi could feel it in her bones.

She's been talking to Phil a lot more. Oh yes, they were definitely keeping in touch. He had his own special ring tone for starters. Every time he called Kimi would rush to the phone and sometimes she would ignore her boyfriend's calls if it was interfering with her "Phil time." They didn't have anything going on, but maybe that was only a matter of time too.

And how was her relationship with the Pickles family? There was really no change, except for when she was with Lil. Tommy really had Lil whipped because he was almost all she could talk about. Constantly Lil would wake up in the middle of the night to sneak over to his house, leaving Kimi alone whenever she spent the night. That would cause Kimi to eat. Kimi was really eating a lot more before she would purge. Sometimes her throat would get so sore that she would have to miss school the next day because it wasn't feeling better.

School was just bringing her so much stress. She needed to keep her grades up; at least until she knew for sure that she was accepted into a good school. In just a few months she was going to be graduating. In a few months she was going to legally be an adult. Her life was basically happening so fast. She couldn't even remember what she had done the day before.

Her cell phone started ringing next to her and was pretty happy to see that it was her best friend calling. It did feel good to know that someone was thinking about her this morning.

"What's up?" Kimi answered.

"Kimi, I needed to talk to you!" Lil sobbed loudly. "You won't believe what happened to me yesterday."

Kimi was silent, trying to rack her brain to see if she had even talked to Lil the day before. Nothing flooded her mind. "What happened?"

"Well do you remember Shane?" she asked. Shane was Lil's college age neighbor who she had been crushing on since he moved into Tommy's old house after Tommy left. For a long time Lil was actually obsessed with the guy, but when he left a year ago Lil stopped talking about him. It was as if he disappeared off the face of the earth. Kimi had only met him a few times, but he was one of the sexiest men alive in her opinion.

"Yeah," Kimi replied.

"He came home yesterday for Thanksgiving," Lil said between her tears. "Phil was the one that told me, and so I had to go see him. I don't know why I did it, but I went over to house and asked to see him. He actually asked me to go to lunch with him."

"And?"

"I forgot all about Tommy. I was totally flirting with Shane and I even left my cell at home so that I wouldn't have any interruptions. I swear I just missed him so much. I told him about the time we tried sneaking over to his house to talk to him and knocked on his bedroom window only to find out that he switched with his sister. He laughed so hard and it made me want him even more."

Lil wasn't crying anymore. "He told me about school and that he was still single. He was definitely into me Kimi! I looked so hot I swear. Then he invited me to go clubbing, but I told him that I'd have to change clothes. He laughed and just said maybe another time. Then he took me home. I didn't think about Tommy one time."

"Lil, that isn't a big deal. You didn't do anything to me upset over," Kimi told her. "Sure, Tommy _is_ your boyfriend and you should be loyal to him, but if you and Shane are friends…flirting isn't wrong."

"I'm not finished," she hissed. Kimi shut her mouth and let Lil continue. "He took me home and it was dark outside. We were gone for _hours_. None of the lights in my house were even on. Then he leaned in to kiss me. That kissed turned into two, and pretty soon we were into it. The windows even got steamy. But then my door flew open and it was Tommy!"

Now Kimi wanted to hear what happened. She was practically begging Lil to go on.

"He was so pissed at me Kim. I swear he turned into the Incredible Hulk or something. I never ever saw him like that. I thought he was going to hit me." The memory caused Lil to start crying again. "He was screaming and then Shane started yelling at him. Then Tommy said that he was my boyfriend and Shane started yelling at me too. He told Tommy that I hadn't even let on about him and they were trying to make me look bad. I was wishing you were there. I knew you would have my back."

"That's crazy."

"Phil had to come back and threaten both of them. I was so embarrassed Kimi, you don't even know. I feel so unfaithful now, and now no one is talking to me."

"What did Tommy say?"

"He never said anything. I'm assuming we're still together because he didn't say otherwise, but he's not returning my phone calls. I think he might be trying to get revenge on me. He might be about to sleep with some other girl at this very moment."

Kimi almost laughed. There was no girl into Tommy Pickles anymore. Dil was probably getting more ass then his older bro. Luckily she caught herself. "If I see Tommy around I'll let you know immediately. If I see him with another girl I'll take a picture and send it to you. You'll have some blackmail. Threaten to post it on the internet or something."

She could almost see Lil smile. "Kimi, you made me feel so much better. So, Chuckie's coming home today?"

"Yeah," Kimi replied, and they made more small talk before Lil decided to hang up.

About fifteen minutes later Kimi was shopping on the Net when she heard someone bamming loudly on the door. "Damn," she murmured standing up. She was just wearing some pajama pants and a camisole because it was still pretty early. That only made her wonder who it was even more. Maybe it was Pete bringing her a surprise or something. Of course she wouldn't mind if it was Phil just coming to talk.

She ran down the stairs yelling, "Just a minute," and running her hands through her hair. She was breathless by the time she opened the door, but stunned to see Tommy standing on her doorstep. He was looking down at his feet, but looked up and smiled at Kimi almost shyly.

"May I come in?"


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: So…I hope you guys liked the cliffy as much as I did. Oh, and I just got a Myspace and is totally loving it, lol. My friends worked on it for me so it's really cute. Right now my life has been pretty stressed, and writing always makes me feel better so this is for you gorgeous reviewers that I love so much. XOXO for Valentine's Day too!

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Something was caught in Kimi's throat while Tommy waited patiently at the door and all she could do was slip aside. _There was nothing wrong with letting him in my house…right? We did used to be really close and we used to know everything about him. Why couldn't we still be friends? Friends don't hesitate when it comes to letting their friends come into their house, and they definitely don't feel guilty about it. How come I was then?_

Tommy shoved his hands in his coat pocket and grinned as she closed the door. "So…Kimi, you look…great." Kimi turned around, looked down and then blushed.

"I wasn't really expecting company," she replied coyly.

"Uh…yeah," he nervously said, bringing his right hand to the back of his dark hair, "I guess I could've called."

"You guess?"

They both stood awkwardly in the Finster living room, Kimi's arms now crossed uncomfortably over her chest. She thought back to her conversation with Lil that was at least a half hour ago. She really cared about this guy. This guy was standing in Kimi's living room as if nothing had happened between them when really a lot did. At first Kimi's plan of stealing every girl's boyfriend had sounded so exciting and she couldn't wait, but now that she had the opportunity she couldn't even speak. She didn't even like Tommy.

Of course he could just be there to talk. That eased Kimi's mind for a little while. What would they talk about? She had the hugest grudge on him just a day before, but now that he was in her presence and they were alone she couldn't be mad at him no matter how hard she tried. This was getting too stressful, and there was some chocolate ice cream in the freezer calling her name.

Tommy couldn't take his eyes off of her no matter how hard he tried. So this was the Kimi that he had missed out on? Although she wasn't dressed up or anything she still looked enthralling. Lil was amazing and the sweetest she could be, but something about her was missing. They knew each other when they were in diapers. They were basically raised as brother and sister, and then Kimi came along. Sure, they all were still in diapers, but there was something different. It was still like they shared so much history.

Kimi looked in the direction of the kitchen and then she looked back at Tommy. "What's this about?" she asked him finally. It looked like he slightly winced as if her tone was almost deadly, or maybe she just imagined it. She just didn't know what to say to this guy. He came over uninvited and he wasn't even her friend. He was almost an enemy, another rival or something. She could spend hours writing about what she hated about him. Why shouldn't she be pissed?

"We're friends right?" he asked.

Kimi forced a laugh. She was upset and ready to eat now. Her appetite usually started when she was stressed out. It was like how some people were addicted to smoking. She was beginning to get addicted to eating. How much food she consumed was something she could control. And now that she knew she was hungry she needed to get him out of her house ASAP. "Hardly. Do you ever think about us being friends when Lil is around?"

He shook his head. "No, I guess not."

"Why aren't we friends?" Kimi asked him. She didn't wait for an answer. "We aren't friends because of _you_. You're the one who's been acting extra funny like I'm the anti-Christ or something. You act like we never even know each other, and then out of the blue you come to my house like we're _friends_. _Friends_, Tommy! How weak is that?"

"We can start over."

"Do I look like I want to start over? I've been fine without you now. Besides, I have my own boyfriend."

"But you spend your spare time in Phil's bedroom?" Tommy replied sharply, looking at Kimi with a mixture of fury and rejection.

Now Kimi was pissed. Tommy had definitely just crossed the line, and he hadn't even been over for more then a half hour. "Who in the hell do you think you are coming into my house with _that_ bullshit?" she snapped. "Phil and I are just friends and we don't have anything going on. Besides, I don't have to explain myself to you so why are you keeping tabs on what I do?"

"It's easy for you to change the subject when it comes to cheating."

"I'm not cheating because I'm not married," she replied.

"I guess that's a philosophy that you share with your friends huh?"

"You're blaming me because your girlfriend was making out and steaming up windows behind your back? Maybe the person you need to be checking is yourself because obviously you aren't doing something right."

"She listens to you!"

"She obeys your every command. I don't know where this new side of Lil came from, but she definitely didn't get it from me. Whenever I say something about relationships she always brings you into it. Honestly, when I say I want to end ties with you I'm serious."

"You ruined us!"

_You ruined us…_The words rung in Kimi's ear and she didn't say anything. She wanted to snap at him, but she had to plan what she said carefully. It could backfire on her. What role in the movie should she play? Should she pretend to be the victim or should she just deny everything? Maybe she could say that her evil twin from Japan came to possess her body. Nope, that was too stupid to work.

"It's so easy for you to blame me for everything, isn't it?" Kimi asked. She let her voice stay strong. "You always claim that I was with Phil, _again_ you're blaming me for that. Isn't it a little odd that I barely talked to Phil since you left? I would've either been with him when you got here, or bored and I wouldn't be dealing with him again."

"People talk Kimi, and they said—"

"You listen to people huh? Why am I asking? Of course you do. You're Lil's pet. Everything she says has to be true because I'm this big liar."

"It's not that Kimi," Tommy said quietly. He looked into her eyes sadly, trying to hold onto her shifting gaze. "It's just that…before I left you were starting to get really busy. You never had time for me anymore, and then the topic came up that you might be sneaking around with someone else. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't believe it at all, but it was starting to make sense. People made it make sense to me."

For the second time since Tommy's arrival Kimi was speechless. "Tommy," she whispered. She took a closer step toward him. "Tommy…I'm…sorry you felt like that. I really didn't know. You just stopped talking to me it seems like, then when we were in groups you were always secretly talking to Lil…just like you do now."

"Lil—she's everything to me," he said, "but she's nothing like you. She's so different now. She's—I don't know—she's gradually changing. She even looks a little different now, but I can't figure it all out. You…you're changing too, but not like she is. You're active in school and look good. You're a social butterfly…Pete's social butterfly."

"When I found out you were coming back I was so happy, but when you called Lil and I saw that you never called me I felt betrayed. I would've forgiven you and talked to you, but now I don't even know you. Pete and I, we're like a stereotype. You know the quarterback and the cute cheerleader? We're not really into all that romance and we're together to look good. Pete, he really is the greatest and I love him, but I can't see us together forever. If he was doing his own thing I wouldn't care…I don't think I would."

"I've tried calling you. Trust me, sometimes I was just like fuck it, that doesn't sound like something she would do. But then I would forget what I wanted to say and then I'd hang up. I had so many letters that I wrote you, but I buried them before we moved back.

"I expected you to be with Phil. Honestly, until you answered Lil's cell phone I thought you were happy and forgot about me. I've had my own share of dates when we were gone, but I'd always get these crazy flashbacks with just all of us. It would be the whole gang at concerts, amusement parks, camping…things like that."

Kimi smiled. "For some reason I remember Ooey Gooey Land or something like that when we went to Paris. That was over ten years ago when we were babies, but I remember all the green bubbles and stuff. It's weird."

Tommy looked at his wristwatch and then looked at her. "I'm glad I came by. We needed to get some things cleared up."

That comment confused Kimi for some reason, but then she shook it off and walked Tommy to the door. "Yeah, I guess so. See you around?"

"Definitely," Tommy said as she opened the door, and then he walked out. Then as he hopped off of the porch a car pulled up, and Chuckie was sitting in the back seat.

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Author's Note: I didn't really like this chapter as much as I thought I would, but finally Chuckie is back! That itself should make me enjoy writing this a little bit more. 


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: Sorry, when I last updated I had been on a roll, but then my computer got a virus, I had to get a new one, and it's just a bunch of stuff. Right now I'm on spring break so I wanna get a few chapters done for you before school starts back up. If the chapter is good enough please do me this really big favor at the end. I love you guys.

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Chuckie was confused as to why Tommy was leaving his home, and why his sister was standing in the doorway without looking like she had just kicked him out. After the times he talked to Kimi and she complained about her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend, he never expected to see Tommy leaving his home. _What were they doing in there? _He looked over at Paige who didn't seem the least bit suspicious as to why Tommy was just leaving, even though she knew the whole story and who everybody was.

Tommy looked back at Kimi who was frozen in the doorway as if she was a little girl caught sticking her hand into a cookie jar. Then he looked back at the car with Kira and Chas in the front seat, Chuckie and some other girl in the back, and he felt really uncomfortable. Instead of being happy to see his old best friend he had been dreading it from the moment Lil mentioned Chuckie was coming back to town. Lil was Chuckie's ex-girlfriend, and Tommy's now-girlfriend except for the little problem about Lil cheating. They had to deal with that later. Tommy had vowed not to have to face the redhead, but there he was in the most disbelieving situation possible. Well, maybe it could be a lot worse. At least Tommy was leaving the house instead of cozying up with Kimi on the couch like he dreamed about maybe once…or twice.

"Tommy, hi," Chas said cheerfully, stepping out of the car wearing a heavy winter coat. "It's been a long time. How are your parents?"

At first Tommy was still speechless, but he finally snapped out of it. "Um…they're okay Mr. Finster. Nice to see you too."

Kimi slightly opened the door and stuck her head out, letting in a little cold air that made her shiver. "Mom," she called as Kira began stepping out of the car. "Um…Tommy was just leaving. He had come by about a homework assignment for…for Lil. She um…wanted to copy my notes and she sent him to pick them up."

Chas didn't catch on about her nervousness, and because he didn't worry Kira didn't either. She didn't see Tommy as a threat anyway. After all the times he had come over to the house when they were growing up, she didn't mind seeing him again. She was only wondered how come it seemed like him and Kimi were having some problems, but now they seemed like things were okay. "It's alright Kimi. Tommy, you're always welcomed around. Tell your parents hi for us."

Quickly, in the cold winter atmosphere, Tommy disappeared from everyone's sight.

The reunion between family members went smoothly once Tommy had left. Everyone talked about how different everybody looked and how happy they were. Kimi got compliments from Paige about her weight, and that secretly made Kimi smile. However she didn't tell Paige the entire truth. All Kimi told her was that she stayed very active in school and all the exercising stuff like that. She didn't say anything about her new eating habits.

Kira had made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, and over dinner they talked about Chuckie and Paige's wedding. Paige was deciding on her bridesmaids and she told Kimi that she would be honored if Kimi stood next to her maid of honor. Kimi eager accepted. Paige's parents were going to be paying for the wedding and ceremony, and Chuckie's parents would be paying for the honeymoon. Paige and Chuckie wanted to be gone for two months touring Europe. Chuckie never got the chance to talk to Kimi about Tommy that night, and ask what the boy had been doing at their home. After dinner, after deciding that he wouldn't stay the night, Chas retreated back to his own home.

Kimi was sitting in her bedroom drumming through a magazine while lying on her stomach when Paige walked inside later that evening. Paige had always reminded Kimi a little bit of Angelica. They were both outspoken blonds who usually got their way. Paige was the youngest and only girl in the family of four and so she was very spoiled, but she had the personality that everyone loved. That's why Kimi hadn't been mad when Paige just barged in.

"Hey Kim, what's going on?" Paige asked, closing the bedroom door and then making her way to sit on Kimi's bed. The teenager sat up and tossed her magazine aside to focus on her future sister in law.

"Nothing. I'm just chilling, doing what I usually do when I'm at home. I hate being alone."

Paige nodded. "Is that why your ex-boyfriend was leaving as we were pulling up?"

Kimi smiled smugly and then snickered. "You do not beat around the bush do you? Are you spying because my brother is too scared to ask me this?"

"I just want to know. Isn't he going out with your friend?"

Kimi's smile faded away and she got serious. "They're going through some problems, but it doesn't matter. Tommy's nothing to me. He just came by so that we could talk. It looks more suspicious then it really is."

"Don't get yourself into any trouble little girl. You're playing with fire."

"Why do you say that?" Kimi asked her.

"As much as you and Lil are best friends, I don't think she'd like it if you and her boyfriend were creeping around."

"I have my own boyfriend," Kimi said defensively. "Tommy just wanted to talk to me about something and that's all it was. I won't even call him my friend." Although Kimi said that as strongly as she could her heart started pounding in her chest, and she began developing an appetite from a fatty food so that she could throw it up.

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Author's Note: Things are building up steadily for this story, and pretty soon things are going to get really dramatic. I don't want this story to last forever, and I promise to try and update by the end of the week. Here's my favor. I'm really begging for an Xbox 360 right now so if you click this linkon my profile anddo what it says you'll really help me out. Thanks. AND CHECK OUT MY MYSPACE LOL 


	17. Chapter 17

_I haven't eaten in three days straight and I won't eat again until Tommy forgives me. _Lil curled up on the couch to watch some sappy romance movie on Lifetime although she really couldn't concentrate. She kept the telephone at her side, waiting for some kind of closure from Tommy concerning their relationship. She wondered if they were still together or if she should fight to win him back. She wondered what he was doing while she tried ignoring the hunger pains in her stomach. She basically had been on an all water diet. She didn't have an appetite for any type of food so she was trying to get full from liquids while taking in no calories. She couldn't lie, she was starving, but she was too upset to eat and then she decided she might as well keep losing weight while she lounged around. _I'll probably starve to death waiting for him, but for now I don't care. How can I care when no one else does?_

She looked up as she heard her brother trudging down the staircase wearing a heavy coat and getting ready to go. He covered his head with his hood and when he reached the bottom stair he looked her directly in the eye. His expression shown a mixture of anxiousness and concern, but he didn't say anything to his twin. "I'm going out," he said.

Lil nodded and repositioned herself on the couch. "Okay," she said quietly. She wished that he would ask how she was doing. She wanted someone to notice her, be concerned about her, and ask how she was doing. Why couldn't Phil ask her about her boyfriend? Why couldn't Phil offer to beat him up? She felt like no one cared about her anymore. She hadn't spoken with her father since they got back from Hawaii. He didn't care. Her mom was too busy wallowing in her own depression about the divorce that she probably didn't notice Lil at all. Her best friend was shacking up with who knows who, and she didn't even spend time with Lil anymore. Of course she didn't worry about that when she had Tommy, but now she knew that she spent too much time with her boyfriend. He was her whole life.

Phil walked over to his pitiful sister and sat next to her on the couch. He didn't know what she was going through, but he knew better than to interrogate Lillian Deville. She would get defensive so fast, they'd probably have a big blow out, and he didn't want to argue with her anymore. He was tired of fighting with her and so he'd just keep his distance. Something was up with her, but he was too afraid to ask. It was sad that they couldn't talk anymore, but his sister had really changed after his parents gotten divorced. She didn't really have anyone to talk to about it, and maybe he was the only one who could see through her front, but she was as upset about it as he was. Maybe even more.

He wasn't blind to the fact that she was losing weight. He saw the massive amounts of her hair in the trashcans that was falling out and he also saw the pictures of models and celebrities on her walls. A membership bill had come in the mail a few weeks ago from a fitness center. Sometimes he could hear her throwing up in the middle of the nights, but he would always forget to confront her about it. He knew that he was on a diet, but he figured all of that was normal. He just didn't like how she looked anymore. She was drastically thinner from the beginning of summer, and she wasn't happy anymore. She appeared vulnerable to anything and everything.

"What…what are you doing?" Phil asked, avoiding Lil's eyes by staring at the TV. He couldn't believe that he had stammered. This was his sister, not God or anyone in high position. He had no reason to be afraid of her. Something was really out of control. He waited…waited for her to snap and bite his head off.

Lil took a deep breath and shook her head. She was getting a little dizzy. "I'm just watching some Lifetime movie," she replied before adding, "and I'm waiting for Tommy to call me."

Phil nodded without saying anything. Lil was always waiting for Tommy to call her for whatever reason. Tommy saw her more then he did, and they lived together. "Oh well…when you talk to him tell him I said hey," Phil said while standing up. "I'll be back before it gets late so tell Mom not to wait up." _As if she would…_

Once Phil left Lil took one more look at the phone before getting the nerve to pick it up. "I'll call him instead," she murmured to herself while she dialed his number. "It doesn't matter who calls who anyway. All I have to do is apologize to him, and then we'll be back together."

"Hello, Pickles' residence," Didi's voice sounded very cheerful and it made Lil smile. It was so good to hear her voice again. Didi was always such a positive and motherly person. She was just the opposite of Betty now.

"Hi Didi…it's me Lil," Lil said, trying unsuccessfully to sound chipper as well. "Is Tommy around?"

"He just left Dear," Didi replied. "I'll have him call you when he comes back home."

"Oh…um, thanks. Do you know where he went?"

Didi sounded like she was thinking and then she said, "I think he was going over a friend's house or something. I really don't know Lil."

Angrily Lil hung up the phone on her former future mother-in-law and she stood up. Tommy didn't have any other friends, but her…unless he was trying to redeem himself from…or unless he already had. She ran upstairs into her bedroom, slammed the door, and looked for something to wear. She had worked too hard for everything to burst back into shambles. She had Tommy Pickles once and she wasn't letting him go to anyone.

* * *

"…and so my mom started to always add raisins into her homemade bread ever since," Paris finished her Thanksgiving story as Kira prepared a pie for the holiday that was going to be tomorrow. Paris made everything sound funnier than it was, and she fit right along with the family. Kimi was going in and out of the kitchen trying samples of different things while mentally adding up the calories she was devouring in her mind. She only hoped that she would stop feeling guilty right after she ate them, and then stop feeling guilty when she threw it up. It all wasn't making sense. She didn't want to eat them, but she didn't want to get rid of them either. 

She loved having her family all together like they were. Chuckie and Chas had gone hunting for turkeys the old fashioned way, leaving the girls to gossip and tell stories about everything. Kimi knew that Paris was trying to impress Kira, but she wanted to get crazy and have some fun. Lil was really being a spoil sport, moping around about whatever, and Pete had gone out of town with his family to celebrate the holiday with some distant relatives. He was probably shacking up with some other "honey" while he was there. That was alright though, because she could do that too.

That was why she squealed when she heard the doorbell ring. "I'll get it," she called to Kira and Paris before running to answer it. She didn't know who it was, but she had a feeling that it was just the person she wanted to see. All day she had the feeling that something was going to happen, and so she dressed the part. She wore a dark mini skirt with some nylons and a yellow tank top. It wasn't as if she was going out in the cold anyway.

Kimi flung the door open and smiled mischievously. "I had a feeling that it was gonna be you."

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you guys liked it. Thanks so much for sticking with me throughout all of these long writing pauses and everything. Now I wanna know...who should be at the door? It could be anybody of the male species lol**


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Basically it's been a month, and now I'm finally updating! You guys must hate me so much. I meant to update right away, but it kept slipping my mind. Now I think that a month is too long, so I'm doing this for you guys. BTW, here's a link on Lifetime for the movie that inspired me to write this story. http/ It's called A Secret Between Friends. I can't tell you when it'll be on, but this is the next best thing. I hope you guys like it because this is coming to me and…who knows what'll happen?

* * *

**

Tommy stood in the doorway with his hands in his pocket giant ski jacket and he slightly grinned at Kimi with a little modesty. She looked like she had something up her sleeve and it made him nervous. Inside the house he could smell food being made in the kitchen and heard voices having a conversation. From the short time he started getting reacquainted with Kimi, just about a day or two, he could tell that she had a short attention span and carefree spirit and she did what she wanted. Sometimes it was like Kimi didn't care about anyone, but herself. She wasn't thinking about her "boyfriend", "best friend", or "boy toy."

"Come on in, it's too cold out there." Kimi grabbed his hands and pulled him inside the house. Then out of the corner of her eye while she was closing the door she watched as he instantly appeared to relax. "My mom and future sister in law are in the kitchen having so much fun making bread, and I'm feeling so left out. I knew somebody I wanted to see was going to come over. Take your coat off." Kimi quickly barked off orders at Tommy just so that he would be able to make himself comfortable. She knew that he was trying to be polite, but who knew how long he was going to stay?

"Kimi, who's at the door?" Kira called from the kitchen. Tommy looked at Kimi who rolled her eyes and walked over to the kitchen doorway. She didn't want to just say that it was Tommy, because she knew that Paris would start getting suspicious and bringing up a bunch of mess that didn't need to be mentioned. She beckoned her head towards the stairs hoping that Tommy would take the hint and go up to her room. He did, and she walked into the kitchen. Kira was watching her as she walked inside while Paris was sitting at the kitchen table with a cookbook in her hand.

"Nobody important," Kimi replied. Then she spotted a bowl of chopped apples and she reached inside to pull one. Kimi knew that Kira, who was shooting daggers with her eyes, hated when she touched her cooking supplies, but she could take advantage of that in front of Paris. "Mmm, it smells good in here though."

"It sounded like somebody came inside. Who was at the door?" Kira asked again.

"Mom, I said it was nobody important."

"Who is 'nobody important'?"

"Kimi probably snuck her boyfriend in here or something," Paris interjected jokingly, winking at Kimi.

"Oh yeah, and we're going to have sex in my bedroom while you guys make Thanksgiving meals downstairs," Kimi added sarcastically. Kira looked at her and then Kimi laughed. "Seriously Mom, who do you think it is? Why would I leave them in the living room by themselves anyway? That's so rude. If it was Lil she'd follow me in here. If it was Phil then he'd probably insist on coming in here, and Pete's out of town. Who else could it be?" Kimi paused to see if someone was going to say anything, and when Kira opened her mouth she said, "Nobody." Kimi quickly spun on her heels without meeting Paris's eyes and ran upstairs. Paris knew who it was.

"I haven't been in here in a long time," Tommy said when Kimi came inside her bedroom and closed the door. He was sitting on her bed staring at the walls as if he was in a trance. "Everything's so different. What happened to your lava lamps?"

Kimi laughed and plopped down next to him. She used to have two lava lamps on her nightstand that would come on and off at unpredictable times. "I can't believe you remember those," she said. She crossed her knees and pushed her hair behind her left ear. "I threw those out about right after you left." She didn't add that they reminded her of him. She didn't tell him that every time she glanced at them she would remember when they were at the mall together when she picked them up. She didn't tell him that she could still hear their laughter when they saw that those lamps were a rip-off instead of being angry. He already knew.

"So…where's your brother and dad?"

"Hunting," she answered simply. "Why aren't you with your family?"

"I was on my way to visit my Grandpa Lou and Lulu when I realized I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by here for a little bit. I told my mom I was going to a friend's house in case anyone called me—the only people who call me know where my grandparents live—but now I'm actually at a friend's house. Go figure."

"Yeah…" Kimi let it roll off her tongue carelessly, and then without realizing it she gazed at Tommy the same way she used to before he had left, but now she saw him differently. He was definitely more mature with more of a sexy look then a "hot" or "cute one." His smirk was still the same. It was as if he was fighting every urge not to smile, and he was very unsuccessful. She could see why Lil might've been jealous of their relationship. It was always as if they were soul mates. Somehow they always wound up together. Kimi made sure it was that way. When they were at the water park and Grandpa Boris was lost she put Tommy and herself in a search group together. Now as much as she had hated him, she felt every layer of hatred evaporate as if it had never existed.

She closed her eyes and then reopened them. This couldn't really be happening. When Tommy was gone she had always been able to imagine him coming back home and being in her bedroom. Sure the circumstances weren't exactly as she predicted, but they were the closest to anything she had ever dreamed. The butterflies in her stomach were warning her that she should just make him leave. Her conscience was telling her that technically he belonged to her best friend regardless of the problems in their relationship. Yet she ignored everything her mind was telling her as she scooted closer to Tommy and rested her head onto his shoulder.

Tommy tensed up instantaneously. "K-Kimi…?"

Kimi sat her head up and gazed at him innocently. "Are you uncomfortable?"

He shook his head. "I j-just, I don't know…. This doesn't seem right."

"Nothing is right anymore. Everything isn't how it's supposed to be. It wasn't, but it is now." Kimi didn't understand where everything she was saying was coming from. It seemed like everything had just been piling up inside, or like she had been building this big finale and now the preparations where beginning to pay off. Everything was coming along perfectly, the icing on the cake, until the doorbell rang. The doorbell didn't ring once however. It rang back to back, as if it was an emergency. It instantly killed the mood and Kimi felt like she was going to scream.

"Stay put," Kimi said standing up. Since Kira didn't know that Kimi wasn't upstairs alone she was going to be expecting Kimi to open the door. Now though, Kimi was hoping that it wasn't for her. Subconsciously she was glad that it was Tommy, but if anyone else was preparing to surprise her she'd have to talk them out of it.

Too late.

Kimi vigorously opened the door as if she was trying to pull it off of its hinges and was faced to face with Lillian Deville. Lil looked as if she had gotten dressed and ready in record time, because she looked unprepared. She wore giant sweats and appeared as if she was sinking inside them. Her weight loss suddenly seemed dangerous to Kimi, but it wasn't as dangerous as the mood Lil appeared to be in.

"What is it Lil? I'm busy." Kimi didn't mean to sound so angry, but she was trying to hide the fact that she was nervous. Her heart was pounding so loudly that Kimi was surprised Lil couldn't hear it herself. She glanced at the stairs in the corner of her eye and wondered just how smart Tommy was. Did he know that Lil was there, and would he sneak out of the window like he used to when he'd be in her room when he wasn't supposed to be? Pete was smart enough to know when to scramble. Phil never had to show her he had to. Kimi tried hard to send telepathic messages to Tommy, but for some reason she knew that he wasn't getting them.

Meanwhile Lil was on a mission. Although her face was pale because she hadn't tried applying any makeup, she still looked like she could beat somebody down. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun and her pants legs were rolled up as if winter wasn't approaching after all. "Where's he at Kimi? I know he's here." Kimi didn't say anything, but she slowly turned her head in the direction of the stairs. Lil spotted it and she immediately grimaced.

"He is here?" she asked.

Kimi shrugged. She could've been such a better liar, but she didn't care about her friendship anymore. The revenge was going down, and seeing Lil's face when she saw Tommy had "betrayed" her would be so worth all the pain Lil made her life. Lil took away the person that Kimi cared about more then anything, and now it would look like Kimi was taking him back. If looks could kill the look that Lil gave Kimi would've shot the brunette six feet under without a complete body, and then Lil charged upstairs.

At least Kimi thought Lil had charged upstairs until she heard a loud scream, and saw her best friend tumbling down the staircase.

* * *

**Author's Note: I DID NOT EXPECT TO WRITE THAT! I hope you guys liked it, even though that wasn't part of my plan. I think it's way better.**


	19. Chapter 19

Thanksgiving Day. Whoever would've thought that Kimi Finster would be spending her Thanksgiving Day watching her best friend with numerous tubes surrounding her little body in a hospital? Because Lil wore baggy clothes so often her friends and family didn't realize how tiny she had gotten, but she was practically invisible in that hospital bed.

"_How long has this been going on?" _The emergency doctor was furious once Betty Deville arrived at the hospital, and he interrogated the woman, Phil, Kimi, and Tommy immediately. Betty looked confused because she didn't know what was going on. All she knew was that her daughter was in the hospital. She wasn't crying because she didn't know what happened. She was stunned, maybe even a little guilty for not being more involved in her daughter's life.

"_Lillian Deville is dangerously malnourished and underweight." _Kimi had expected to hear it, and once the doctor said it she had begun crying. Paris and Kira comforted her the best way they could while also trying to reach Chas and Chuckie to tell them about what happened. The events that followed Lil's fall were the makings of a nightmare. Kira and Paris had immediately run into the room to see Lil's body sprawled onto the floor in a distorted mess and Tommy rushing from down the stairs. Kimi was frozen in place because she couldn't believe what was happening.

Lil's face was deathly pale as Kira piled all of the children into the car, excluding Tommy who returned home before going back to the hospital. Kimi was trembling as the tears poured down her cheeks. She didn't understand what could've happened. Tommy hadn't pushed Lil down the stairs, and she knew that Lil wouldn't swing herself down the stairs. Kira had refused to wait for an ambulance to show up at the house, and that was why she felt it would've been better if they took Lil herself. Paris called Betty on her cell phone to tell her that Lil was going. She felt like Betty would find out why soon enough.

"_She's so thin," Kimi had heard Paris say to Kira._

"_I don't know what happened. She hasn't been over in such a long time. Kimi, is Lil eating?"_

Kimi had refused to answer. No matter what problems had been going on in their friendship Kimi would never spill the beans that Lil had an eating disorder. Hell, it was just a suspicion anyway. Lil had never admitted that she hadn't been eating. For all Kimi knew Lil just had a really fast metabolism. Even though Kimi was almost positive something was wrong with Lil, almost wasn't a hundred percent. Besides, she had promised not to speak of their diet to anyone. It was all just going to remain a secret.

Lil was in a comatose state. Her doctor had said that perhaps the shock of seeing Tommy at Kimi's house—the teenagers didn't want to risk Lil's health and had told the honest story—had sent Lil into a cardiac arrest. She had since then slipped into a coma and although Kimi hadn't wanted to leave her friend at the hospital she knew that there was nothing she could do sitting and waiting for her to wake up.

The Finster family, including Paris, sat in silence on their way back to Kira and Kimi's house. Kimi sat in silence, her stomach churning and she just wanted to lock herself in the bathroom for the rest of the night. She had remembered when the doctor had stopped her while she was on her way to the vending machine to get some bottled water. He had told her about his suspicions of Lil having an eating disorder and whether or not Kimi knew anything about it. Defensively Kimi replied, "If I knew my friend was killing herself I would get help!" The doctor immediately left her alone, and then Kimi forgot all about the water and went into hysteria. She was feeling so guilty.

As she confessed the story of Tommy being at her home she couldn't even look anyone into the eye. She had seen Phil just walk away from her as if she had committed the ultimate betrayal. He didn't say anything, but she knew that he wouldn't be calling her in the middle of the night either. She couldn't think of anything to say to her parents. Her mother Kira had really been strong for her and she didn't even remind Kimi that she lied about Tommy being there. _"You're my daughter and no matter what, I'll be there for you. It doesn't matter what kind of trouble you're in."_

Once Betty realized what had happened she cried. She cried, and mumbled that everything was her fault. Kimi didn't tell her that she agreed. She blamed Betty for not being there for Lil. Any other mother would've recognized what Lil was doing to herself instead of being in denial about her divorce. Lil had obviously been doing this for months, maybe even before she had spent the summer with her father. Kimi had just wondered how could Lil have looked so great before, and then turn out so…invisible. While she laid in that hospital bed with those tubes surrounding her to keep her heart beating in that dimly lit room with her eyes closed and her skin so pale, she looked like a corpse.

_What if that was me? _

Lil had an eating disorder, but she probably didn't admit she did. She didn't believe it. What if that was Kimi? She was binging and then throwing up. She'd occasionally skip a meal or two. Sometimes she'd go an entire day without eating a proper meal. But she wasn't starving herself like Lil was. Could she still be in the same predicament? If the tables were turned would she be in Lil's situation?

* * *

Kimi couldn't taste her Thanksgiving meal. All of the food her family had prepared wasn't even worth it because she couldn't enjoy everything. They tried to keep the conversation light and cheerful, but all Kimi could think about was her best friend. _If I had invited her would she be eating?_ After dinner Chas had decided to go back to his home, Chuckie and Paris in tow and Kimi couldn't blame him. He never liked much tension anyway.

Kimi was surprised that when she tried throwing up that night after everyone had left and Kira went into her own bedroom that nothing would come up. She went back into her bed not only feeling guilty about "putting her friend in the hospital" but also feeling guilty for eating so much.

She couldn't sleep. She continued tossing and turning, staring at her cell phone and waiting for it to ring. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to explain that it wasn't her fault. She needed someone to believe her so that she wouldn't feel guilty. She was just about to get up and try to reach Phil, not even thinking about whether he would answer or not, when her bedroom door opened. Kira was wearing a nightcap and flannel pajamas, and without asking she sat on the edge of Kimi's bed, knowing that she wouldn't need to.

"You can't sleep?"

Kimi shook her head.

"Me either. I was just about to go downstairs to warm up some milk and honey, but when I saw your light still on I stopped by in here. Would you like any?"

Kimi thought about all of the calories she would be consuming before she told her mother no. "I think I'll just close my eyes or something."

"How about you come downstairs with me?"

At first Kimi was about to refuse, but then she realized that her mother was just the person she wanted to talk to. Kira stood up so that Kimi would also be able to, and then both ladies walked down into the spotless kitchen. As they descended the stairs Kimi gripped the railing and closed her eyes to try and block out the memories of Lil's fall. She hadn't suffered from any broken bones and thank God, a broken neck. Kimi didn't even reopen her eyes until she was sure the kitchen doorway would be the only thing she'd see.

"I'm very sorry about Lil," Kira said.

Kimi nodded and stood in front of the counter, watching her mother remove a gallon of milk and some honey from the refrigerator. She recalled the days when she was younger and she'd never be able to sleep because of the crazy stories that Angelica had told her. Kira would walk into the room to check on her and then disappear, only to return with the sweetest milk that Kimi would ever taste. Before she finished the entire glass her eyelids would be so heavy, and she'd drift into a deep slumber.

"I never noticed how thin she had become."

"She'd always wear baggy clothes," Kimi replied solemnly. "She never wanted anyone to notice."

Kira nodded. She didn't want to say the wrong thing, but she wanted to understand what all had happened that night. Kimi never explained to her why Tommy didn't come around anymore. She wondered how Lil seeing Tommy could cause the girl to tumble down the stairs. "Why didn't you tell me that Tommy was here?"

Kimi shrugged and her heart quickened. She felt little remorse as she recalled her and Tommy's conversation in her bedroom. He had seemed so shy around her. He had pretended that he didn't want her, but she knew that he did. He had stopped by her house to see what Pete was always bragging about. He never got the chance to find out. The moment Kimi decided that she was going to kiss him; Lil had to kill the mood. Maybe she thought that she wanted Lil to find out, but now that it actually happened Kimi wish she could've gone back in time. Anything would've been better than this.

"I don't know Mom. I just seemed weird. We're just friends anyway, but you would've made a big deal about it and—"

"He was seeing Lil?" Kira asked.

Kimi looked down and nodded. Then she sharply looked up and felt as if she had to defend herself. "She thought that something was going on. It wasn't! I have a boyfriend, Mom. You know I do, and Lil does too. Yet she thinks that I want hers…"

"Kimi—"

"He was supposed to stay in my room! Why would he leave my room Mom? Why would Tommy go by my stairs? Nothing like this would've happened if he had just stayed there. Now Lil's in a damn coma! She might never wake up!" Then Kimi stopped talking and screamed. She screamed so loudly that Kira dropped her glass on the floor that she was going to pour her milk in and then she ran to embrace her daughter. When Kimi couldn't scream anymore she began crying. The tears streamed down her face like never before. "It's my fault Mom…I knew she wasn't eating."


	20. Chapter 20

By that Monday Kimi was amazed at how many people had known about Lil. Miss Deville was suddenly the topic of conversation. Everyone confessed that they all had their suspicious and concerns about her eating habits, and had wishes for her to get well. Unfortunately no one shared any of that with Kimi. In fact, the only things she received were dirty glares. It seemed that everyone who knew of Lil's situation also knew about Tommy being at Kimi's house when Lil fell from the stairs. It felt uncomfortable for Kimi in her classes when she overheard people talking about her negatively. The one girl who everyone seemed to adore was suddenly an outcast._ "She was after her best friend's boyfriend,"_ was something that she commonly heard.

Throughout the day on Monday Kimi didn't run into Phil. She had seen him, but once she got the nerve to approach him, he disappeared in the crowd. Whenever Kimi visited the hospital and saw Phil she'd try to say something, but he'd make up an excuse to leave. Kimi knew that her relationship with Pete was over by what had happened. Although he was two-timing her it wasn't right for people to know that Kimi had another guy at her house while she was going out with him. It made him look bad and his reputation was more important than his love life. Tommy was the last person that she wanted to talk to.

The only time of the day Kimi knew she'd have felt better was during cheerleading practice, but that had been canceled because of a personal situation the coach had to deal with. For the first time since school started Kimi felt alone.

Between the two weeks that passed with Lil in a coma, Kimi had seen people that she hadn't seen since the summertime. She was in the hospital gift shop buying another teddy bear for her best friend when Susie Carmichael walked inside to get a card for the Deville family. Kimi was so excited to see her that she squealed in delight and the two girls got sent back into the lobby. Susie had gotten accepted into a school on the east coast and was majoring into performing arts. She was interested into teaching choir classes and her all-time goal was to open her own school.

After getting reacquainted with one another Kimi led Susie to Lil's hospital room. When Susie saw the young girl she let out a small gasp, and Kimi felt a guilty pang in her heart. "My God, she _is_ small," Susie sighed covering her mouth with her hand. "I can't believe this. This can't be real. This can't be her."

Kimi shook her head. _It's her, and it's my fault she's in here._ "It really doesn't look like her, does it?" Numerous times in the beginning of Lil being there, whenever Kimi went to see her she'd wonder if she had walked into the right room. Maybe Lil had long gone home and was just hiding from Kimi like everyone else was. Then Kimi would walk over to one of the many bouquets of flowers, read the card, and see that it really is Lillian Deville. She'd go over in her mind the events that led to her friend being there, and then she'd cry. It still hadn't all sunk in.

Susie looked at Kimi. "Why didn't you tell anybody?"

_She blames me too, _Kimi guessed. _Everyone blames me one way or another. I should've known that Lil wasn't eating. Tommy shouldn't have been at my house. Tommy shouldn't have been in my bedroom. I should've lied to Lil and told her that Tommy wasn't there. I shouldn't have answered the door for her. I should've done this. I shouldn't have done that. They think I didn't care about her at all._

"What could I tell people? Lil has an eating disorder? She doesn't have an eating disorder. She was just on a strict diet…that's all." Kimi looked back at her friend. Lil's eyes were closed tightly. She was dreaming deeply. She probably didn't know what was going on. She probably felt like she was only sleeping. She might've been thinking about Tommy. She could be trapped in a nightmare.

The look on Susie's face after Kimi said that made Kimi feel worse then she already did. It was a mixture of pity, anger, and disbelief. "You're smarter than this," Susie said. "If you keep telling yourself this than you should feel guilty about what's going on. You claim that she's your best friend, but you let this happen."

"Me? If you blame me then you should blame her, Phil, her mom, and every damn person she's talked to since whenever this started." Kimi's heart was pounding in her chest and her eyes were beginning to water. "Everyone's blaming me, but it's not my fault. I have my own problems too. Lil being in the hospital is the last thing anyone would've ever wanted."

Susie sucked in her breath and then nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry. Blaming people isn't going to help anyway. Lil wasn't eating, and this is the outcome." Susie walked over to the window and looked out of it. Every day it seemed like it got darker earlier and earlier. For once it wasn't snowing. Nonetheless accidents were happening left and right. People were shooting in and out of the emergency as if it was going out of style.

Awkwardly Kimi walked over to Lil's bedside and she sat down. She had various conversations with her best friend, finally being able to say everything without being interrupted. It wasn't the same though. It felt like talking to a tombstone. She could easily imagine Lil being dead. Yet she liked to think that Lil could hear everything that she said, and hoped that once Lil woke up they could be friends again. At least with Lil falling down the stairs, there wasn't a loud confrontation. If Lil hadn't went into cardiac arrest at that moment they could be enemies.

Kimi looked up when she felt Susie's eyes on her. By the look on her face she knew what Susie wanted to ask. It was the same thing that everyone was curious about. What was Kimi and Tommy up to before Lil knocked on the door? What would've happened if the girl never showed up? It pissed Kimi off the way everyone made it seem like Kimi was in the wrong. Lil was the one who had stolen her boyfriend. Sure they had never been officially dating, but everyone knew how she had once felt about Tommy. Did they think that those feelings would just disappear over night?

Often Kimi felt like explaining her side of the story. She felt like if people knew all of the details they would look at her differently. Yet once her opportunity would arise she'd suddenly change her mind and coward away. She didn't know anyone an explanation anyway. What she did was her own business. People were always going to make judgments, talk about her behind her back, and basically her story would be wasted breath.

"We're growing up, but Lil and I've been acting really childish recently," Kimi said, instead of offering her side of the story. If Susie wanted to know she'd have to learn how to form the words into a sentence. "We've argued more now than when we were little kids. It's sad that it's taking something like this for me to really grow up. Lil could've broken her neck. Now she's in a coma, but I have the feeling that she'll eventually wake up. Our friendship will be stronger no matter what."

Susie nodded, but by the doubt in her eyes Kimi knew that somebody had told her the story, and she didn't believe anything Kimi said.


	21. Chapter 21

Since that fateful Thanksgiving Day, the following two weeks had been hell for Kimi. Besides the fact that she got to see some familiar faces that she hadn't in a long time she felt like she was mourning the loss of her friend. Although everyone was still thinking that Kimi was a heartless and manipulative bitch, she did receive more sympathy from her teachers. In fact they seemed to appreciate her a lot more and take her seriously. Kimi didn't know if they just didn't really like Lil and was rewarding Kimi, or if the reason was because she was able to work more now that she didn't have much else to concentrate on. Nevertheless Kimi's grades did improve.

Kimi was sitting in her English class on Friday when the teacher assigned a writing assignment about where the students predicted themselves to be in the next ten years. At twenty-seven years old Kimi wanted to be well into her career, married, and thinking about starting a family as soon as possible. She had sent out various college applications at the end of September, but she wasn't concerned about getting accepted. Right now she was just trying to live in the moment. It was about a half hour into the class when a message came for the teacher to go down to the office. Since the senior class was generally well behaved the teacher stepped out without leaving someone in charge.

This was the same class that had witnessed Kimi and Lil's argument about Tommy a few months ago. If there was any class that helped add fuel to the Finster/Deville/Pickles saga it was this English class. The same people that had cheered and congratulated Kimi for her quick wit was also the same people giving her dirty looks and spreading rumors. The latest was this: _Lil fell down the stairs because she fainted when she saw Tommy, and he was only at Kimi's house because Lil had just told him she was pregnant and he wanted some and he knew Kimi was gonna give it to him. Lil miscarried._ As much as she tried to ignore it all it was hard. The worst part was that Tommy was in the class with her.

"Did Lil wake up yet?" someone asked loudly. They seemed to seriously want to know, but they didn't want to directly ask Kimi and/or Tommy.

"No she didn't wake up," a girl replied. "If she did you know Kimi and Tommy would be with her begging for forgiveness. That was so grimy what they did to her."

As much as Kimi wanted to dig back into her writing assignment, hearing that had ruined her train of thought. She lowered her eyes, but then she felt someone tap her in the back. She turned around. "Yeah?" she asked the girl.

"Um so yeah…did Lil really lose the baby?"

"What baby?"

The girl looked at her friend next to her and then they both snickered. "Has Tommy been back into your bed now that Lil's out of the picture?"

Kimi turned back around and looked at her writing assignment, which only made the girl and her friend laugh more. She tried to ignore them, but they kept on pestering her until she couldn't handle it anymore. She turned back around. "Shut the fuck up talking about me," Kimi said.

"Ooh, she's mad," the girl's friend sneered. "Leni, we're really getting to her. We must be right and she wants to know how we got our information."

"Actually I couldn't care less about that," Kimi snapped. "I'm just trying to get my work done, and if you do want to talk about me you could say it so I can't hear you. You don't know anything about what's been going on."

"Lil was such a nice person," Leni responded. "Lil was always so nice to you, and you always dissed her. You would go around dressing like a little ho and talking to everybody's boyfriends, all hugged up on them and shit. Then you had to go around and take her boyfriend too. Well now that you have him it doesn't look like you want him. The sad thing is nobody wants you either."

It was hard coming up with a comeback, but Kimi knew that she couldn't just not say anything. Practically everyone in the classroom was listening to their conversation. The drama didn't feel like it was worth it. Lil, her best friend, was in the hospital. Winning any arguments wasn't going to make anyone think differently of her. Kimi knew that by talking to Susie. She couldn't make anyone take her side. She couldn't make anyone understand her. Just as she felt like saying something she heard the loud sound of books closing from the other end of the room. Tommy was standing up after being harassed by classmates too, and Kimi watched as he left the room. The people over by him began clapping and cheering. Leni and her sidekick turned away from Kimi and then yelled across the room to ask what happened. When the two girls left her alone as if forgetting she was there Kimi fought back her tears by putting her head down.

She sat there and pondered everything, but she really wanted to chase after Tommy. Both of them didn't deserve everything that was going on. She really wanted to talk to him. She was just a little too worried at what everyone else would say about it. Yet they had a lot to talk about, starting with the way they felt about each other. Suddenly Kimi was more confused than ever. She knew that she liked Tommy. She was so attracted to him that she felt like she would lose control. She had to catch herself from matching her name with his last name. He was still Lil's boyfriend as far as everyone else was concerned.

Then there was Phil. She really liked him. She always had like him. There just wasn't any spark. They didn't have enough memories that competed with hers and Tommy's. Sure Phil was boyfriend material, but Kimi wasn't his girl.

Kimi needed to talk to Tommy. She was craving the sound of his voice. He was what made her wake up in the middle of the night. His face is what she saw as she downed pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream before purging it down into the sewers. Their conversation replayed over and over in her mind. _I had another dream last night. Yeah, you were in it. It's always about how what would've happened in my room if Lil hadn't shown up. Yeah, I care about Lil. She's my best friend. I've just…wanted to taste your lips for awhile. It's been too long Tommy. No, Pete was just a distraction. He never meant anything to me. I'm not lying. I care about you a lot. I always have. Now just give me what I want._

As the door opened students rushed to their seats and their missing English teacher walked back inside. The older woman wasn't one for gossip, but everything that was going on with the students was alluring even to her. She spotted Tommy's missing desk. She was almost curious as to where he had gone but even she was aware of the harassment he was facing. It was almost a form of bullying. The class appeared to be well behaved, yet all she had to do was glance at Kimi before she knew that they were only the opposite of "angels."

"Mr. Pickles is gone?"

Silence.

"Ah well, he was getting ready to leave anyway. And Miss Finster?"

Kimi's head shot up while the students were suddenly alert with curiosity. "Yes Ms. Waters?" God had finally blessed her. She was getting ready to leave. Her heart began pounding in her chest as she thought of what could've happened. Then she realized that maybe leaving wasn't so good. Was Lil okay? She tried reading Ms. Waters' expression, but she was so good at hiding her emotions.

"Your mother is down at the office to pick you up. You're on your way to the hospital."


	22. Chapter 22

Kimi couldn't believe how long the walk to the attendance office seemed once she left her classroom after being handed a pass. Any other time it would've seemed like seconds, one minute at the most, for her to make it to the offices. This time though, she knew she was going to the hospital and she had no idea why. Did it have something to do with Lil? Did it have something to do with her? Now that people were suspecting that Lil had an eating disorder would they start looking at Kimi differently? Why would they do that? They saw Kimi eating. She didn't wear baggy clothes. She wasn't losing her hair. She wasn't dropping tons of pounds. She wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Kimi, slow down," someone said from behind her. Kimi stopped and turned around, not recognizing the voice until she saw Phil. She smiled. She really missed talking to him. For two entire weeks she had been afraid to call him, check on him, and ask how he was feeling. He was mad at her. She was sure of it. So now she was glad that he was willing to approach her in a place as public as school. Surely someone was watching them and by the next day more rumors would be going around. Kimi tried to tell herself that she couldn't care less, but she really did. Her mind was telling her to speed back up and go to the office, but her heart was telling her to wait. She didn't move.

"Hey," she finally said when Phil was next to her. She softly smiled at him, hoping to gain a look of innocence. She wasn't guilty of anything. She wasn't doing anything wrong. They began walking back in the direction of the attendance office even though Kimi wasn't even sure where Phil was off to.

"Hey," he said. "You looked a little lost. Figured I can help you out. You going to the office?"

Kimi sighed before she replied. "Yeah, I'm leaving."

"Hospital?"

She nodded.

"Me too." He paused for a second. "I wonder what's going on. I hope Lil's okay."

"I do too," Kimi agreed. "These past weeks weren't the same without her. I miss her a lot. I'm so sorry too Phil, for everything."

Phil didn't say anything at first. He took a deep breath, not knowing how to respond. He'd been waiting so long to hear her apologize. All of this was partly her fault anyway. Now that she's done it he had no reason to talk to her anymore. He wasn't sure they could still be friends. Their relationship was tainted. When he was interested in her she had so many different things going on. She had a boyfriend and everything. She had been playing him. Then to find out that his sister fell down the stairs because Kimi was fooling with another guy was too much. She was nothing but a ho now. She was treating him as if he had no feelings. She could pretend to really care, but he doubted that she did.

"I wish all of this didn't happen like it did," Kimi continued when Phil didn't say anything. He needed to accept her apology. He needed to know that she was sorry. Someone needed to believe in her. "Lil didn't deserve to be in that hospital. I missed her tons. I miss her right now. I just need to know that she's alive and well. I don't even care if she never talks to me as long as she's alright."

"My mom and I've been talking," Phil finally said. "If Lil's not good and everything we might have to send her away to where people specialize in helping others like her."

"What do you mean you're sending her away? She can't go anywhere else. She needs to stay here." Kimi didn't know what else to say. She didn't know how to react. She just knew that they couldn't do that to her. They couldn't take her best friend away like that. She saw that her and Phil were only a few steps away from the office, but she was afraid to go to the hospital now. What if Lil had woken up? Then she'd have to leave her sooner. They still had things to do. It wasn't March yet. Their diet wasn't over. They had made a pact. Lil wasn't going to break something that she had come up with in the first place. The diet had been her idea.

Phil walked ahead from Kimi and opened the attendance office door. It slammed right in front of her face. He wasn't even considerate enough to hold it open for her. Kimi felt like crying, but she held in her tears. She was stronger then that. Even though this whole situation was making her an emotional wreck she had to maintain her composure. It wasn't long ago that she was running the halls. This was her senior year. In just a few more months she'd be in New York studying fashion. Her life was meant to be like that. She couldn't wait to escape from this hellhole that she called high school. Chuckie had it made. No one knew anything about him that he didn't want them to.

After taking in a deep breath Kimi opened the door and stepped inside the office. Her heart was racing as she saw the secretary on the telephone, and her mother standing at the desk with Betty and Didi. Tommy was sitting in the chairs staring at Kimi until she looked at him, and then he quickly averted his gaze. Phil was standing there awkwardly with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Kimi, did you get your stuff?" Kira asked her empty-handed daughter.

Kimi shook her head. "I didn't need anything. What's this about?"

"Lil woke up this morning," Betty told them, looking specifically at Kimi. "She said that she needed to talk to you, but we figured all of you would want to see her."

Everyone's eyes were on Kimi as she tensely stood there; feeling called out and put on front. Yet there was another feeling that was stronger then her embarrassment, and that was the feeling of hope. She was hoping that Lil had forgotten about how she had fallen down the stairs. She was hoping that Lil still loved her.


	23. Chapter 23

Tears flew steadily from Lil's eyes as she realized that she was in the hospital. She knew that she was alone, and it hurt when she tried thinking about what happened. There were plenty of flowers, but not enough faces. She felt cold, almost sickly, and she tried to warm up with the thin sheets that her nurses had brought her. They couldn't give her what she wanted, but they had no problem making her gain back the pounds that she had worked off. _I need to get out of here,_ Lil thought frantically, suddenly looking at the door. She tried to sit up, but her arms couldn't hold her body weight. She was so weak. She felt so helpless, and it was a feeling that she had never felt before.

_What happened to me?_ Lil lifted her hand and examined the many IVs that she was hooked up to. She knew that she had been in a coma for two weeks, but she didn't know the details of what happened. The last thing that she remembered was lying on the couch watching a movie and waiting for Tommy to call her. _Did he eventually call me? Was I in some kind of car accident?_ _Did I get hit by a car going to his house? Did I go to his house?_

Her door flew open and Lil's eyes lit up in anticipation who assumed that it would be her best friend she requested to see, because she knew that unlike these nurses Kimi wouldn't beat around the bush about why Lil was in the hospital. She was determined to find out, although she had little to no energy. She was feeling drained, and surprisingly sleepy. Her hope was short lived, because her second shift nurse walked inside.

"How are you doing Miss Deville? I'm Phyllis." The nurse was short with curly brown hair the color of her skin and large, round brown eyes. It was Lil's first time seeing her, but that wasn't saying much since she had only been up for about two hours. The nurse immediately walked over to Lil's bedside and began examining the liquid in the IV.

"Well Phyllis, I'd be doing great if I wasn't here," Lil mumbled. Everything about the hospital she hated. The sight, scent, and view was almost degrading; as if she had a choice about where she landed. She looked around the bland room of the depressing white walls and tiled floor. Her flowers, balloons, and teddy bears were the only things that _tried_ to brighten up the room, but it was nothing compared to hers at home. She wished that she could crawl back in her own bed. She regretted doing whatever she did that caused her to land in that coma. She'd give anything to go back in time and make sure that she stayed on that living room couch watching Lifetime movies.

"I'm sure you would, but you're going to be here for awhile Honey. Your mom and brother are on their way right now. We all really need to talk to you about something important that has to do with why you're here. You're curious as to why you're here, right?"

Lil leaned back against the bed in exhaustion and then sarcastically remarked, "It's not every day I wake up in the hospital and find out I've been in a coma."

The nurse looked at her, smiled, and nodded. "Now you have a story to tell your kids about," she managed to say before laughing. Then her laughter turned into a bad cough that sounded like it was mixed with phlegm, a smoker's cough. Luckily she had been wearing a mask, because Lil was sure that there were plenty of germs floating around that disgusting hospital. She didn't need another reason then what she already had to stay there.

* * *

"Did you talk to her?" Phil asked his mom while they hopped on the expressway to get to the hospital. It was a forty-five minute drive from their school, and Phil wanted to prevent some of the awkwardness that they were sure to experience. While Betty navigated the trip, Phil sat on the passenger side and Tommy sat in the backseat. Everyone had secretly decided that Tommy did not need to spend any unnecessary time with Kimi because of the fact that "it was their fault" Lil was in the hospital in the first place. They hadn't needed to be together in Kimi's bedroom alone in the first place. All of the reasons that the two needed to be separated boiled down to the fact that Lil fell down the stairs after she saw them together.

"I was at the house and the hospital called," Betty said, keeping her eyes on the road. Outside of the car it was sprinkling, and Betty began the windshield wipers. "Lil can't remember anything about what happened, but when she woke up they said it was like she was waking up from a deep sleep even though she's still feeling tired. I don't just mean sleepy tired, but physically and even emotionally. I'm thankful that my baby girl woke up."

Phil turned to look out of the window. Kira and Kimi were trailing them, and through the side view mirrors he could see them talking intensely. _I wish I could talk to her right now. I should've have been so mean to her. She's sorry. She's really sorry. _He didn't mean to hurt her, but everything he had been saying was just sounding the wrong way, He hated seeing her hurting. It pained him when she cried. She didn't understand how she made him feel. She was the first thing he thought about when he woke up, and he envisioned her smile before he went to sleep. No matter what everyone said about her, he knew the Kimi Finster behind the rumors. She was probably more vulnerable than anyone.

Lil forced herself to cross her arms over her chest as she defiantly yelled that she wasn't going to eat the tray of a grilled cheese sandwich, pickle, and juice box that Phyllis placed in front of her. "I'M NOT EATING THAT POISON!" Phyllis's mouth dropped. Meanwhile Lil was using all of her energy to fight from eating the lunch that she was required to eat. She wasn't hungry. She was practically never hungry. Her stomach was too small to eat a meal like that. Staring at it was enough to cause her to want to kill herself. It was torture. She couldn't even contemplate swallowing something so disgusting.

"Lil Honey, you need to eat."

"THAT'S DISGUSTING! WHERE'S MY MOM? I'M NOT EATING THAT!" She fought back the tears that wanted to flood from her eyes. She was so tired…

They fought back and forth for ten minutes when finally Phyllis felt like giving up. "I can't make you eat," she said. "I can't make you swallow your food. Why don't you want to eat?"

"I'm on a diet."

"Lil, you have a stick figure," Phyllis told her. "You need some meat on your bones."

At that moment the door flew open, and Betty ran inside with tears streaming from her eyes. There was a lot of crying going on that day, Lil assumed. Behind Betty was Tommy, Phil, Kimi, and Kira, but Lil couldn't see them behind her mother's large figure. "My baby's alive!" Betty exclaimed. "Lil, are you alright?"

Lil stared at her full tray of food and then she looked at Phyllis. Finally she leaned back in her hospital bed and sighed deeply, closing her eyes for about thirty seconds before reopening them. "I'm fine. Where is everybody?"

Betty turned around and then stepped aside. Lil's eyes brightened as she saw her three favorite people, but something twisted inside her stomach when none of them stepped up to her. She had been anticipating their arrival for so long, and they looked almost afraid of her. She bit down on her bottom lip hard to stop more tears from falling. She was joyful, but she was upset. Why did she have to be lying in that bed? Why couldn't someone else be in the hospital? She'd prefer to be the visitor.

"Tommy, where were you?" Lil asked him softly. She tried unsuccessfully to block everyone out of the room except for her and him. Was he still her boyfriend? _Does he still love me? _She had been trying to get up with him for hours today, and she felt slightly betrayed. Did he every call her back? Did he need to? She still didn't understand the details of what happened. She didn't really know anything about what happened. She just remembered that it was before Thanksgiving and Tommy was ignoring her.

"School," Tommy replied.

Lil shook her head. "No, I mean the day…you know? Did your mom tell you I called?"

_She didn't have to. Knowing that you fell down the stairs, I'm sure that you knew where I was._ "No, she didn't."

Phyllis took Betty aside so that they could "privately" talk. "Did you talk to Lil's doctor Ms. Deville?" Phyllis asked with her voice barely above a whisper.

Betty had never been too good at whispering. "Not about her…disorder…but I thought we were all going to do that together?" Betty asked.

"We are," Phyllis replied. She looked back at Lil who was beaming at something Tommy had just said. He had inched closer to her bedside while Phil sat down in a chair alone. Kira and Kimi kept their spot close to the door and watched, as if they were lip-reading. Then Phyllis brought her attention back to Ms. Deville. "I can predict that Lil's going to be in denial about having anorexia, but it is completely normal. I just want to ask her a few questions to determine all of her warning signs, and we need to come up with a plan for her to eat. Right before you arrived we had a little 'shouting match' because I brought her lunch that she didn't want to eat. You see how tired she looks? She's still weak, and she spent a lot of her energy arguing with me."

Lil motioned for Kimi to join her at her bedside. When she got up there Lil blew Tommy a kiss before sending him away. He took a seat around Phil although neither of them said anything to the other one. "Kimi, you look so good," Lil said as her friend walked up to her. "Your body is just so perfect. I wish my shape was like that. You should've seen the food the nurse was trying to give me. There was no way I planned on eating that. I told her it was poison."

Kimi nodded, but she wasn't as excited as Lil appeared to be. In fact she was tearing up with guilt, and the fact that she had been lusting after her best friend's boyfriend. No one would even know about their "diets" if Kimi had refused to let Tommy into her house. Now even Kimi had to be careful, because her mom was watching her a lot and doing plenty of research about eating disorders on the computer to help Betty out.

"What's wrong Kim?" Lil asked, noticing her friend's discomfort.

"I don't like hospitals," Kimi replied. "I came to see you like every day, but I still don't like this place. Angelica visited you, Chuckie, Susie…everyone's worried about you."

"How's school without me? Am I missing anything?"

"A lot, but it doesn't matter. I just want you to get better."

"The thing is, there's nothing wrong with me," Lil told her. She grabbed Kimi's shoulders and made her friend pay attention before lowering her voice. "I'm just really tired. I don't even know why I'm here. I don't know what happened. I want to go home right now. What happened to me Kimi?"

"You fell down the stairs at my house," Kimi answered honestly. She broke free from Lil's grasp and took a few steps backwards so that her friend couldn't touch her again. "You fell down the stairs and went into a cardiac arrest before going into a coma."

Lil raised an eyebrow. "Why did I fall down the stairs?"

"They say that you have an eating disorder."

Lil didn't respond. She didn't know what to say. What was an eating disorder anyway? It wasn't anything that girls like her had to deal with. Finally she looked around her room and for the first time realized that there were no glass items, or nothing to see her reflection in. When Phyllis had gotten something from the bathroom she had left the door wide open, and there was no mirror.

The urge to scream was unbearable. This was an outrage. How could this happen? She was only on a strict diet. How could that be confused with an eating disorder?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoyed it. We moved into a new house, and that's why I haven't been able to update in a while for you guys. I want to wrap this bad boy up. What pay offs are you guys waiting for? Are you waiting for something to happen to Kimi? Do you want a character to wind up with another character? Let me know, I want to make you happy. 


	24. Chapter 24

Later that night Kimi curled onto her bed with her mind on everything. Her senior year was supposed to be a breeze, yet everything had been drama since Tommy had come back. She hated him, but she loved him. She didn't think that she was in love with him, she couldn't be, but she was sure that there were some intense feelings since he was always on her mind. She kept her cell phone on the side of her bed so that if he called she could easily answer, and then she can delete his phone call after they hang up. She was aware of how people scrutionized them at the hospital as if they would do something to sabotage Lil's recovery, but that was the last thing on their mind. _We can deal with it when she's better._

Then Kimi rethought what she just went over. People were talking about Lil's eating disorder as if it was a virus that could get better with medicine. She felt like that was ignorant. Sure, many people classified anorexia as a disease, but was it really that? She thought it was more psychological then anything. Lil wasn't fat. The way she talked at the hospital…she couldn't really see how skinny she was. If she was a model they would ban her from runway shows. Did Tommy really want to be with someone with so much baggage?

_Why is everything coming back to him? Tommy is nothing but a dog like 80-95 percent of all men out there. He hurt me once. He didn't come back for me. He was interested in Lil. Why am I feeling like this?_ They kept their distance from each other at the hospital. Kimi avoided looking at him, because she didn't know what anyone would read in her eyes. She didn't know what she would read if she could see herself. _It's infatuation. These hormones, I'm still experiencing puberty._

Lil…

Her best friend in the entire world was in a hospital. She was trapped in that big white room with no one who personally cared about her. As much as Kimi had mixed feelings about her, she didn't deserve to be there. If Lil had a problem then everyone thought that Kimi did too. Last time Kimi checked, she wasn't locked up. _I don't have an eating disorder anyway. Why would I be locked up? I'm not skipping meals and starving myself. I eat. I still need to lose weight to get smaller. I'm not skinny; I have a figure. I know how to responsibly diet._

She thought back to what she ate at school; another cheap, unsatisfying salad. They came in small bowls and she didn't even finish that. She couldn't remember the last time she finished an entire meal. She was going to bed hungry, but she would ignore the hunger pains. Later on when she would wake up for her junk food binge, she realized how necessary it was that she did that. She was consuming numerous calories with that one splurge. Throwing it up later was also another necessity. She didn't want to get fat and then start starving herself. She was saving her own life; she didn't want to wind up like Lillian Deville.

Christmas was right around the corner. All she wanted was for her life to be in order. She wanted that, a Victoria's Secret Angel body, and a good guy to wrap her arms around. She didn't need Tommy. She would forget Tommy. School was almost over; she could feel it inching inside of her skin. Football season was over, basketball season was beginning. She couldn't do another season of cheerleading. She had so much going on, so many things to do, and a list of places to go. Lil was going to get better and then they were getting out of there for awhile. Maybe on spring break they can take a cruise to Tahiti. Then Kimi laughed. Lil would still be abnormally thin. She wouldn't want to go.

_Oh I'm so tired,_ Kimi thought, rolling over onto her back. _Why isn't anyone calling me? Why isn't he calling me?_ She felt obsessive and manic, but she couldn't help it.

Her stomach growled and she looked at the clock. It was almost midnight, but she could tell that Kira was still awake. She moaned. Why was she always hungry? Why hadn't her stomach shrunk yet? She recalled being sick once with the stomach flu and she spent four hours throwing up everything she ate before refusing to even look at food. Just that one day caused her stomach to get smaller and she could hardly eat. Why wasn't that happening to her now?

She glanced over at her calendar. She had missed her period for the second time in a row. She would've suspected that she was pregnant if she had been having sex, but she was actually still a virgin. She shrugged. It was normal for girls to miss their periods sometimes. Still, something about looking at her calendar felt disturbing. Ever since she broke up with Pete she hadn't really gone out. She still dressed to impress, but basically the only places she normally went to was school and home. She didn't purposely isolate herself, but she wasn't feeling very social. She wasn't feeling much of anything, except bursts of sadness or hatred. She couldn't really relax, and with Lil in the hospital, she wasn't genuinely happy.

There was a soft knock on the door before Kira crept inside. "Kimi, I'm going to bed now. Do you need anything?"

Kimi started to shake her head "no" until she realized exactly how thirsty she was. "My throat is kind of dry," she replied. "Can you fix me something to drink?"

Kira walked inside and sat next to Kimi on the side of her bed. "Are you just thirsty, or are you dehydrated?"

Kimi raised an eyebrow, curious as to why Kira was getting so suspicious. _Just give me something to fucking drink,_ she wanted to say, but that wouldn't have been cool. Instead she said, "I just want something to drink. I don't think it really matters."

Her mother started to say something in reply, but then she changed her mind and stood up. "I'll bring you some milk. You need to get ready for school."

Kimi nodded until her mother left the room, and then her body was flooded with an enormous amount of anger. What the hell was that about? Just because Lil has her issues suggests that Kimi was in on it too. If they hadn't looked, Kimi was normal. Sure she had lost a nice amount of weight, but she was never really starving herself. Sometimes she just knew that she wasn't really hungry. Her mind was playing tricks on her, just like her stomach had when it was growling. No one understood her. She had no one to talk to. She had no reason to even be there. She was over sixteen. She didn't need to finish school. She wanted to just sit in a corner and rock back and forth hysterically. She wanted to be able to scream without being called psycho. She wanted to walk down the hallway without feeling the glares of everyone on the back of her neck. She wanted things to be like they used to be.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she tilted her head back so that they wouldn't fall. She was just…tired and confused. Everything was confusing. She just didn't have control over anything anymore. She couldn't keep a boyfriend. Her best friend had basically fallen from her grasps. Her parents were separated and she couldn't help prevent that from happening. She was so alone. She was alone, hungry, and normal weight. She didn't want to be normal. She wanted to be beautiful. Milk wasn't going to make her beautiful. She needed water…tons of water. She had read somewhere about a weight loss technique._ …and then you get really thirsty. You might even feel thirsty all of the time so drink water. Water doesn't have calories and you can get full off of it if you drink it really fast, so you don't even need food._

Her mind was spinning and she closed her eyes to shut everything out. She was so tired…but she needed Tommy to call her. Why wasn't he calling her? When Kira made it back to her daughter's bedroom she saw her daughter sitting up, alarmed that she was asleep, with her cell phone clutched in her hand. _What's going on with my little girl?_

"Everyone at school was happy to find out that you woke up." The next day once school let out Kimi went to visit Lil in the hospital. She didn't tell Lil that she refused to talk about Lil's "great awakening." She managed to avoid being bullied, but she did hear some hurtful remarks. _"Yeah, I heard Lil woke up. I bet Kimi's a little pissed about that. She probably wished the girl died."_ In spite of all that, she knew that she needed to support her best friend. Besides, who cared about them anyway? She's was sure she wouldn't see a percentage of them after graduation anyway. Plus, it felt good to actually have someone reply to you instead of interacting with someone that compared to a corpse. No one knew that Lil was the only person her age that treated her with dignity, and Kimi didn't even deserve it.

"I can't wait to get out of here." Lil folded her arms and looked at Kimi. She appeared to either disregard what Kimi had said, or she hadn't heard her. "You look so good Kimi. I wish I was as small as you."

"What happened yesterday when we left? The nurses and shit had to talk to you?"

Lil nodded. "They asked me retarded questions like when was my last period and how long was I on this died, but it was so stupid I don't know why."

"When was your last period?" Kimi asked.

Lil shrugged. "I don't know and I sure as hell don't care. I don't even remember having my period at all during school. I thought it was a blessing, but they think I have anorexia. _Whatever_. Anyway, does Tommy miss me?"

Kimi's throat tightened. Tommy, Lil's boyfriend, hadn't called her last night. "You saw him yesterday," she tensely replied.

Apparently Lil didn't notice Kimi's discomfort. Her entire face lit up. "I know, but anything can happen."

"Well, we never talk in school. We aren't really friends."

Lil nodded. "I forgot. I'm just glad we're good again. I would've hated for our relationship to be over for a little misunderstanding and now I'm in this hospital—I don't know. Nothing's really wrong with me. It's not my fault I'm never hungry."

_Lil, you don't even know how insane you sound. When was the last time you've seen a mirror?_ Then Kimi looked around the room and realized there weren't any. She thought that it was stupid. Why don't they want Lil to see herself? Do they want her to get better? She needs to see how thin she looks and how much her hair has fallen out. She needs to see how pale and frail she looks. Would she even notice? Would she even care? Did she know that she was dying?

In a way Kimi almost wished she was in the hospital. It would bring her parents closer. It would bring people to her bedside. She wouldn't look like the bad girl anymore. Kids wouldn't glare at her in the halls anymore. She imagined Lil's first day back at school. She would find out about why she was in the hospital; why she fell down those stairs. Kimi would be left alone. She may give Tommy another chance, but Kimi would be history. Her explanations wouldn't matter. She had messed up.

"Hey Kim, what are you thinking about?" Lil looked at her friend's distressed face with concern. "Have a tough day?"

Kimi sighed and shrugged. "School's been bad," she confessed. She brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head. Tears wanted to fall from her eyes, but she fought them back. She couldn't appear vulnerable. She couldn't look guilty. "I'm stressed, and then I'm worried about you. That's all."

"Don't be worried about me." Lil leaned forward to touch Kimi's hand. It was cold in contrast to Kimi's warmth, and her fingers were bonier then a chicken's legs. "I'll be out of here in no time."

She had no idea that Betty was calling about inpatient hospitalization in order to help her with her disorder.

* * *

_I've been waiting to update for a while, because I'm hating the long waits. I hope it was worth it. Happy Holidays!_


	25. Chapter 25

Trapped. That was how was feeling a week later, hospitalized by her mother with other crazy kids who did stupid things and then got sent to hospital's mental unit. Yet there was an obvious distinction between Lil and the other kids, especially if you asked her: she was normal. She was forced to communicate with drug addicts, alcoholics, out of control teens, and the ones that were suicidal. She felt definitely out of place, and felt uncomfortable with the enormous amount of food placed in front of her every day that she refused to eat.

"Miss Deville, if you keep this up we're going to have to put a feeding tube in your stomach," she was reminded on a daily basis. She was required to attend group therapy and private therapy, but during both sessions she spoke only when spoken to and did not acknowledge any questions concerning food and her diet. Nothing was progressing. She wanted Betty to realize she was wasting her money, and she wished that her father and step mom would call to check on her.

Lil wasn't on her best behavior and her therapist told her that on her third session. "Lil, you have no phone or visiting privileges because you aren't cooperating. Do you want to be here during your high school graduation?"

"I won't be here that long. I don't have anything to worry about. I'm not doing anything wrong. I haven't tried killing myself, I don't cut, and I'm definitely not doing drugs."

Dr. Bishop, Lil's therapist, sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Do you want to talk about anything today?"

Lil shook her head. "I just want you to put on the record that I want to go home."

* * *

Finally Kimi was able to disappear. Once Lil woke up, talking about her and her situation wasn't fun anymore, so the spotlight wasn't focused on her, Tommy, or Phil. Blending in was easy, especially because now a man-ho was spreading an STD and half the senior class was infected with Chlamydia. Cutting class became a sport for Kimi that she was a master at, and she decided not to tryout to cheerlead for basketball season. There was so much going on in her life that she had neither the desire nor energy to keep it up.

Meanwhile Kimi's relationships had officially deteriorated. Any lingering feelings for Tommy or Phil had been set aside, because none were showing interest in pursuing _anything_; not a friendship or even anything romantic. Being alone only brought Kimi closer to food, and food brought her to the toilet…only she picked up on another habit after watching these two girls cut into each other's skin from the shelter of a bathroom stall. Since giving up short sleeves was not an option that would agree with her wardrobe, Kimi gave up her skirts and cut her legs. "I accidentally did that shaving," Kimi lied to Kira when her mom noticed early into the habit.

Downwardly she was spiraling, and she needed someone to save her from herself. Sadly, no one was watching.

* * *

Lil was not going to compromise her eating habits, but she recognized that she needed to talk to someone before she did go crazy. It was her fifth session of private therapy when she finally decided to talk. She had planned on starting off slow, but eventually everything began pouring out and Lil couldn't control herself. Dr. Bishop was there with an open ear, and there was really no one that Lil honestly could confide in.

"The worst thing I've probably done was ruined my best friend's chances with the love of her life," Lil confessed to Dr. Bishop. The young, petite woman sat in her comfy, black leather chair and crossed her long slender legs. Enviously Lil kept her eyes low and on those legs, because if she looked at how tiny Dr. Bishop's waist was she would lock herself in the bathroom, purge, and suffer the repercussions later.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh…" Lil sighed, wondering how she could start it off without sounding like a total bitch. "My best friend really liked this boy and we all grew up together, but I guess I felt like she wasn't good enough…and I really liked him too. I fed him these lies that she was after my brother, but then I started feeling really guilty about it. I don't know…"

"What was going on in your life during that time?"

"My parents were arguing a lot, but I never went though a phase where I thought it was my fault. I knew it wasn't mine…but since they were breaking up I deserved something good, right?"

Dr. Bishop nodded. "I guess you can say that."

"They were arguing for years after that…that was just the beginning."

"Did their fighting bother you?"

Lil shook her head. "Not really…at least I don't think so. It's all just like this big blur, but by then I wanted them to break up. I was like in the eighth grade—yeah, because my boyfriend moved away that next summer after ninth grade."

Lil watched as Dr. Bishop wrote something down. "What happened after the divorce?"

"My dad moved to Hawaii and remarried this really young girl and my mom got fat."

"She got fat?"

Sighing, Lil explained, "She stopped taking care of herself like she used to. She was never really skinny or blond with movie star looks, but she wasn't as bad as she is now. I really lost a lot of respect for her. My dad moved on, but sometimes, years later, I can still catch her crying in her room. I can't even be around her anymore."

"Do you still see your father?"

Lil nodded. "My brother and I had spent the past summer with him and his wife. It was fun…I had this local and she sort of took me under her wing. She was really pretty with this long dark hair and this cute shape…she was sort of my inspiration for losing weight."

"Really?"

"Well we met these guys and they didn't want to talk to me. Now, I'm a really cute girl if I may say so myself, but I was a little heavy. I had been dieting, but it hadn't been too serious back then."

"What do you mean serious?"

"You're asking me a lot of questions," Lil snapped. She glanced at the clock and saw that she only had a few minutes before her session would be over. _At least I got a lot of stuff off my chest. Since this stuff is supposed to be a secret I can say whatever I want._

"I'm sorry. I'm just the kind of person that wants to really get to know someone else."

"Plus it's your job to be all up in my business."

Carefully Dr. Bishop contemplated her next thought. She too noticed that time was almost out, and she wanted Lil to get the message that whenever she needed to get something off her chest she would be around. "Actually I can just sit here with you in silence and still get paid. I don't do this for the money. Lil, you must know that people do care about you. That's why you're still here, and that's why you'll be here until we feel you are ready to leave."

"Dr. Bishop, _you_ and _your people_ have me here for no reason. Sure I fell down the stairs. Big deal. People fall down the stairs every day. And I do not have an eating disorder. I'd know if I had an eating disorder. You're just jealous because I'm skinny and I look good as hell."

"Lil, you falling down the stairs is more serious then you're making it out to be. You fell down the stairs because you went into cardiac arrest. You were in a coma for two weeks because you are malnourished. You're not eating enough and getting the proper nutrients from your food. If your eating habits don't change Lil, you can _die_. Do you understand this?"

"I watch Lifetime. I know what an eating disorder is, but why should I think I have one? I'd get AIDS before I'd have an eating disorder, that's how common it is." Then Lil glanced at the clock. "Can I leave now?"

* * *

_Hello, my name is Kimi Finster and I've been the victim of isolation ever since my friend fell down the stairs. It was my fault, she doesn't know that, and I feel really guilty about it. My parents are separated, my brother's off in college, and I'm all alone. That's why I'm sitting here with a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, trying to get the nerve to end my misery. There's nothing else for me to live for it seems like. I have no more friends. The weekends aren't fun anymore. I'm supposed to be a fashionista, but I can't even wear skirts because I keep carving words into my flesh._

Kimi looked up from the scrap paper to look at Kira's prescription pills that she had hidden in the back of the kitchen cabinet in order to keep her insomnia a secret from her daughter. Her secret had been out since Kimi's fingers grazed them while she had been in search of some marshmallows when she was on a midnight binge. From the moment she brought them into her bedroom in the back of her mind Kimi knew that she wouldn't swallow the pills, yet pretending that she would brought her an overwhelming wave of comfort. She imagined chopping her hair above her shoulders. She would be lying on the ground in a locked bathroom with her goodbye note in a weak grasp, and no one would know that she was dead. However Kimi wasn't suicidal and the image was only a thought.

Earlier that day Kira announced that she wouldn't be home until late because there was a banquet for work, so freely Kimi wandered about the house in short shorts. Only about a month ago she would've invited someone to come over with her, because her mom wouldn't be there until later. In fact, maybe her best friend would've been able to join her. _Tommy would've came._

"Why am I like this?" Kimi suddenly asked. Her voice cracked as she lowered her eyes to her cursive handwriting. "How did everything change so fast?" _Is it hormones, or is it really me?_ Her eyes stung as tears broke through its barriers, and tiny droplets of water fell to the paper as if they were an automatic gun being shot off. She thought about everything and everyone. _Lil. Tommy. Phil. Pete. _Her breathing sped up and she violently began coughing. Feeling like she was going crazy, Kimi stood up and picked up the pills. She was going to put them back.

The silence was killing her. She needed to talk out loud, even if she would be speaking to herself. "I'm such…I'm such a bitch," she whispered. "I'm such a hypocrite. How can I call Lil my best friend after what I did to her?"

She had just made it into the kitchen when she heard the doorbell ring. "Shit," she cursed. Quickly she stuck the pills back in its place, covered it up with contents in the cabinet, and then made her way to the door. It was only until she had her hand on the knob that she looked down and noticed her "artwork." There was no nice way to describe her cuts. Every word she tried writing was a word she used to talk about herself that day. Her latest adjective: traitor.

"Just a minute!" Kimi yelled before she rushed upstairs. She managed to avoid slipping, and grabbed some pajama pants that were on her floor. Quickly she pulled them on and two-at-a-time she ran down the stairs. Without asking who it was she pulled open the door and instantly regretted it.


	26. Chapter 26

_Sushi, this is for you!

* * *

_

"You shouldn't even be here," Kimi sneered, wanting to close the door in his face, yet longing for company a lot more then being vicious. Even if their conversation was negative, she was talking to someone and anyone was good at that point in time. They were keeping her from thinking of herself, her faults, and her regrets. Phil Deville stared back at her not knowing what to say, or why he was even there. He felt like he owed her an explanation for…everything. Why Lil wasn't around? Why they weren't talking anymore? Plus he had desperately wanted to see her in person, up close, because she was human too and the way she was alienated she must've been lonely. He didn't blame her for her insensitive spirit.

"I know."

After standing in the doorway for what felt like an eternity, Kimi stepped aside and allowed Phil to enter her house. The outside was cold, and if he wasn't going to leave she might as well let him come in. The first thing Phil looked at was the staircase, and imagined his sister tumbling down the stairs. A chill tingled down his spine. _How can she walk up and down these stairs after seeing what happened?_ Suddenly he averted his gaze in time to see Kimi walk inside the kitchen. She turned on the water faucet and opened the cabinet to get something to quench her thirst. She was feeling really dehydrated lately.

She was about to walk back into the living room with her glass when she jumped, startled to find Phil standing in the doorway. "Damn Phil," she cursed, taking deep breaths. "Don't fucking sneak up on me like that again."

"Sorry," he sincerely apologized. "I just felt out of place in your living room by myself."

"You _are_ out of place. You don't belong here." She paused to swallow gulps of her water, downing the glass as if it was a shot of tequila. She was still thirsty. She was sleepy and her throat was faintly swollen. _I must be coming down with something_, she silently guessed. Every time she glanced at Phil the hateful feelings she experienced at school came back at full force, and she could envision violently shoving him down the stairs. It was his fault she was in so much distress. He had taken away the one person that she could count on. Now that she didn't have anyone else she depended on Lil's friendship. She couldn't even talk to Lil on the phone because she was misbehaving in treatment and wasn't being granted any privileges. It would be months before she would probably see her again at the rate of recovery she was going. That really sucked. Although Kimi had no reason not to be studying for tests and everything, her grades were falling because of the depression.

"I just wanted to talk to you and explain what's going on."

"I know what the hell is going on! I'm being punished because Lil fell down those stairs even though it was her own damn fault." Kimi thrust her finger in the direction of her staircase. "You know what though Phil? I don't need you, I don't need Tommy, and I don't need anybody at school. Graduation is coming up and then I'm out of here."

"Nobody's trying to teach you a lesson. What we're doing is saving my sister's life. She has anorexia and she needs help."

"Just because Lil was watching what she ate does not mean she has an eating disorder."

"She was in a coma, and not because she fell down some stairs. Her body went into shock. I can't—I just can't explain it to you. You're supposed to understand."

Kimi placed her glass down on a nearby table and stared at Phil. She looked into his eyes searching…searching for that boy she had grown up with. When did things get so complicated? The whole group had always been together without things being so messy. Phil had been a second brother to her. She went from hanging out in a six-person group to lurking around the creation alone. As you got older things were supposed to get easier—you were supposed to be an adult. Yet, the closer Kimi reached the maturing age the more she fell behind.

"The problem is that I don't understand. I don't know why everyone has to be in her case. I don't know why I used to have all of these friends and now everyone's turned their backs on me. I don't know what I'm gonna do, who I'm gonna be, and where will I be tomorrow. You know, I can't control anything."

"_Lil's anorexia may be all about control."_ When that was first suggested Phil was still in disbelief about his sister actually having an ED, but when he checked out symptoms on the internet he realized that Lil was showing a lot of the warning signs. Plus Kimi and Lil were best friends…and Kimi was being awfully defensive about the situation. Could she possibly have anorexia too? _Nah, she's not as skinny as Lil is, and she don't wear baggy clothes. Even though she's been acting pretty different she's nothing like how Lil used to be._

"Whatever. I'm just talking." Nonchalantly Kimi sat down on her couch, brought her feet up and crossed her legs. She could feel the pressure from her cuts and experienced a whiff of satisfaction. Playing her role well Kimi changed her tone from vulnerable to friendly, as if the circumstances of Phil's visit were just to borrow her notes. "Why are you here anyway?"

Phil shrugged, standing uncomfortably while wishing Kimi would offer him a seat. "I just came to talk."

"About what?" Kimi hoped that the annoyance she added in her voice would've been detected. She had all of these mixed feelings; she wanted to hurt Phil, but she wanted him to stay. Unlike Tommy, Kimi could never picture herself truly being with Phil. Even at that time, after all that was going on, she would've rather had Tommy in her house again. There was a lot of unfinished business between them. They had gotten into that situation together, and now it appeared as, until everything clicked in Lil's head, nothing happened between them. _If Lil hadn't come into my house it would've gone down. Tommy would probably be here right now, and we'd be doing anything but talking._

She was horrified at herself for thinking what she was, but her whole emotions were jumbled up that she couldn't think clearly. Anyone who liked inflicting pain on them must've had something going on. She probably deserved to switch Lil places and wind up in that hospital. There was something wrong with her, and she didn't know how to stop everything from happening._ When you're spinning around really fast in one spot, so fast that your hair is in your mouth, chances are that you're gonna crash into something._ When was Kimi going to crash? She was sick of being dizzy.

"You. Me. Our relationship. Remember when we were friends?" Phil was sarcastic, yet something about his demeanor touched her. Everything harsh that came out of her mouth was affecting him. Courteously she realized he was only standing up because she still hadn't told him to sit down. He was watching what he was saying; trying not to hurt her like she was hurting him. _Like I had hurt everybody._ Kimi bit down on her bottom lip, her eyelids slightly stinging, and fought her tears from falling. He was right…they used to be friends. They had all been the best of friends and now these secrets, creeping around, and betrayal was driving her crazy. How could her senior year end so disastrously? Why couldn't someone just get pregnant? At least there would be something to look forward to, no matter how much bad feelings existed.

Kimi nodded. Slowly she inhaled and then exhaled, hoping to end the thoughts rapidly running through her mind. "It wasn't that long ago, was it?"

Phil shook his head. "I just want to know what happened. How did it happen? Why did we let it happen? Right now I just feel so…"

"…helpless?" Kimi finished for him. When he nodded she softly smiled. She understood the feeling. That's what she had been trying to explain to him earlier, but that was a better word for it. For everything.

"Yeah, helpless."

"Lil was too."

"I just don't get Lil. How can she not know what's wrong with her? Her hair was falling out, she has to feel guilty because she was wearing baggy clothes…she was really skinny, her skin was pale, and her eyes were sunk in. She looked like a skeleton. Even now at the hospital she's not eating. She doesn't care that they'll put a feeding tube in her stomach and that she won't go home. She'll miss her own graduation."

"They don't have school for them?" Kimi asked.

"They do schoolwork and stuff so she's still earning her credits, but she won't get to walk down the aisle and that whole memory. Her life is being wasted. She doesn't understand that her falling down the stairs didn't hurt her, but her body basically shut down because she's not eating. She used to be smarter then this."

"Do you cry about it?" Genuinely Kimi was interested. The more she listened to Phil, the more she felt her heart opening up. He loved his sister and he hated what she was doing to herself. They were twins and always had each other's backs, but now he couldn't save her. No matter how estranged they could get, they could feel each other's pain.

Phil shook his head. "What kind of guy do you think I am?" Phil asked her sarcastically. His defenselessness was what Kimi saw and he dropped his front. "I feel guilty. I knew something was wrong with her, but I didn't even ask. I mean…she was just sitting there waiting for Tommy to call, and he was here the whole time. I thought she would just stay home…so I just left. I hate that house. We're not a family. We weren't a family anyway, and now we can't be one until Lil comes back."

"It's not your fault," Kimi assured him. She pat her hand on the couch signaling for him to sit down. He looked relieved and took a seat next to her after she moved over. Then without thinking she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "You had your own thing going on and you're not the only one who noticed it. The bottom line is that Lil did this to herself and nothing we said could've stopped her." _She had been serious about this the whole time. She conned me into dieting with her, screwing my own life up. This whole time her intentions were messed up. She lied about the three meals a day…she knew she wasn't going to be eating. She wanted me to look like her. I could look exactly like her right now. Do I?_

At first Phil's hand was limp, but then he grasp Kimi's delicate fingers. This therapy felt…nice. Just sitting there in silence was suddenly comforting, because Kimi was once again accepting him for who he was.

"Do I look like her?" Kimi blurted out, interrupting his thoughts.

"Do you look like…?"

"Lil. She can't possibly see how she really looks. Maybe I'm the same way. Tell me."

Her heart pounded as Phil stared at her. He examined her as if he was a hawk, his eyes searching her body as if he were looking for gold. _He doesn't want to tell me,_ Kimi guessed. She looked at her arms…is her skin really this dark or is it sickly pale? Her hands…were they smaller then she thought. Was that why he didn't squeeze them right away? Was that why she was alienated at school? She brought her free hand into her hair and felt the strands. _Is my hair this thick, or am I imagining it?_

"Am I that bad?" Kimi asked him.

Phil shook his head and leaned forward. Kimi felt powerless, hypnotized by his action. Her breathing increased as Phil said, "You're beautiful." Then, as if she were in some kind of chick-flick, he kissed her.

* * *

**I really hope you guys liked it. I planned on finishing this a lot sooner then I had, and finally I got it posted after eleven pm. My birthday was on Monday, so as a gift make sure you review! Comment, ideas, just say whatever you feel like. Remember, I still don't know what's going to happen with Kimi romantically, so this kiss may be the worse kiss she's ever had and be a major turn off or Tommy could interrupt the whole rendezvous. Love ya!**


	27. Chapter 27

_I couldn't sleep last night. I just kept thinking about my room, my family, and the Christmas tree sitting in my living room without presents from me underneath. Finally I lost count on how long I've been here, but I do know I haven't been home since Thanksgiving and New Years has just passed. During family therapy I can tell that my mom is trying to change and my brother is sincerely concerned. My father and step mom on the other hand...well I have no idea if they've even called. Although I still don't receive phone privileges after my accomplishment of eating more of my food throughout the day, they decided that I can send and get letters. Things here still aren't well; I won't truly be satisfied until I go home._

Dr. Bishop looked up from Lil after she read the young adult's final entry in her journal. She could tell that although Lil loathed the enviroment she was in, she belonged there. She had spent the previous night going through Lil's file and they had gotten so much accomplished in what was a relatively short amount of time. However Lil was still eating less then half of her meals, her appearance basically had not improved, and she still felt like she didn't need to eat. All of those journal entries and therapy sessions helped Dr. Bishop understand Lil and come to a conclusion on why she was starving herself, but Lil was the one who needed to get the idea.

"Dr. Bishop, if I ever run into you in the streets I'll definitely say hi," Lil said, a small smile creeping across her face. Her time was up. She didn't realize her insurance was paying for her treatment, and her time was up. _I guess Dad doesn't care after all_, was Lil's first thought after gaining the knowledge that she would be leaving the hospital soon. Either that, or he didn't believe anyone when they said she had a problem. Lil was happy to be going home, but something inside of her made her feel...different. She wasn't sure she deserved it.

There was silence as the doctor sat across from Lil, her head hung low as she thumbed through the pages of Lil's diary she was required to update for their sessions. Dr. Bishop was praying that somehow a miracle would happen and either Lil would be able to stay to complete treatment, or that the young girl would have an epiphany and just start eating. That wouldn't happen though: Dr. Bishop had worked with other girls like Lil and it took time. It infuriated her that insurance companies could put a time limit on something so complicated. Various times she argued about to insurance companies it seemed like saving money was more important then these girl's lives. She couldn't count time times she had patients go home, and then within the next year she'd be reading about them dying.

"I'll say hi to you to Lil," Dr. Bishop said half-heartedly. She avoided glancing at Lil's gaze or looking in her direction. "I'll definitely say hi to you too."

Lil looked at the clock on Dr. Bishop's desk. It was 6:30 in the evening and halfway through her therapy session. In a little over twelve hours she would be reunited with her family, back at home, and living like a normal person again. She couldn't remember the last time she had wrapped her arms around Tommy or planted a kiss onto his pink lips. Her and Kimi would have sleepovers, give each other makeovers, and go shopping for size 0 clothes. She would be able to hear other people's voices again instead of writing them letters. She couldn't wait to forget about her time in this inpatient facility.

"Am I going to have to come back here? You know, for anything?"

"Um…actually I'll be coming to your house on a weekly basis for our private therapy sessions. Usually the hospital will ask for you to stop by for scheduled check-ups occasionally, but I don't know how much they follow up with that."

"Being here was like a nightmare. I don't want to come back for _anything_."

Dr. Bishop nodded. That's what they all said. They were tired of having a certain bedtime. They were sick of never having any privacy. They just never did anything to change their former behavior, often relapsing, and the consequences were more drastic then a little slap on the wrists.

They had their lives clasped between their bony hands and they didn't even realize it.

* * *

"She's coming home already? And you're just telling me about this?"

With his hand and hers intertwined Kimi felt so secure as she and Phil made their way through the crowded shopping mall. She had been planning on buying Lil a gift to remind her that Kimi was still thinking of her before Phil announced that his sister would be coming home the next day.

"She's been gone since November."

"But you said she wasn't getting better. They won't even let her use the phone in the hospital or have visitors."

Phil nodded. "Yeah, but our insurance isn't paying for anymore days and we haven't heard from our Dad so…she's just coming home. We're picking her up at noon."

Kimi wanted to smile, but by hearing the tone of her best friend's brother she knew that the revelation wasn't a good one.

"We were talking to Dr. Bishop, and she swears that Lil can't handle her life on her own. She's worried about her and the things that go on in her sessions. Obviously Tommy isn't writing back to Lil, and it's making Lil paranoid about him not loving her and all that bullshit. Plus school…I don't think she can handle going back. If those kids tell her why she fell down the stairs too…it might send her over the edge."

His last phrase made Kimi think about herself. She was living a double life being in bliss whenever she was out with Phil, and hating herself when she was on her own. She gave up the luxury of wearing skirts in order to cover her legs with scars, went to the bathroom shortly after every meal, and knew that she was in no position to preach about Lil leaving the hospital when she deserved to be sitting next to her up there. Kimi was already hanging over the edge and her grip was loosening no matter how well she was hiding it.

"Maybe coming home will help her see things differently now; since she's been a new environment and all that," Kimi said in Lil's defense. "She might see the difference between her and everybody else…how healthy they look in comparison to her."

Phil shrugged. "I hope so because things aren't looking good for her."

Kimi squeezed Phil's hand affectionately. "Let's get her a stuffed animal from the greeting card store."

They quickened their pace, both anxious to get her gift and then leave. The store was slightly empty so shopping was a breeze and before they knew it they were back in the car getting ready to drop Kimi off at home.

"Have you talked to Tommy?" Kimi asked Phil.

"Not really. Have you?"

"No."

Kimi turned her head to stare out of the window of Phil's car unsuspectingly, when in fact she had just clearly lied to him. She _had_ in fact talked to Tommy; they were actually talking on a regular basis. It was nothing too serious, but sometimes Tommy would need to leave the house and he'd be at Kimi's when she'd get home from being with Phil. She would talk about the same person she'd been talking about with Phil: Lil.

"_She keeps writing me, but I don't want to talk to her. I don't want it to seem like I'm turning my back on her, but me and Lil are over. No matter what she thinks we are."_

They hadn't really kissed. Maybe they had shared a few pecks here or there, and once or twice the kissing was a little more serious. But that was only sometimes…

Then Kimi would feel guilty.

_Oh, she would feel really bad._

And then her eating cycle would start over. She'd wake up in the middle of the night, eat something really sweet, throw it up and brush her teeth.

Then she would go into her room and pull out her razor to cut her leg and forget the pain.

But the next time it happens after Lil is home Kimi cuts a little too deep…

And she takes Lil's place as the victim.


	28. Chapter 28

_I don't want to die like this. This whole thing was a big accident. When I was drawing on my leg I just had the razor at the wrong angle. I just didn't realize how much I was cutting. I was in so much distress to realize it… I was just in hysterics after seeing Lil in class and she got hassled. It bothered me and I was waiting for them to mention her falling down the stairs, but they didn't. They were holding it against me. I could tell by the way they were looking at me; they didn't forget about it and they wanted me to know. This isn't right. They aren't human._

_We are the ones they should be sympathetic to._

_And now they're gonna feel guilty about it; especially if I die._

**Kira's Wednesday had been a busy one. She had drove Kimi to school in the morning before she went around running errands until it was time for her to go to work. There was so much that needed to be done and by the time Kira got home she was exhausted and depressed. When she was married it seems like things were so much simpler. She still had the same job, but she always made it home in time for dinner. Her relationship with her children was close-knit, and although things were rocky with her and Chas they never argued when Kimi and Chuckie were home. Now, when she needed her daughter, her work schedule was inconveniently changed. Food was hardly finished when she got home because Kimi would never make anything for the both of them. It hardly looked like Kimi ate at home at all.**

_Nobody's home yet. I've been lying here bleeding and nobody's knocked on the door to rescue me. Just yesterday Tommy had come over around this time, but the day I need somebody I wind up alone. It always happens like this. People come around when I don't want them. It only happens a little bit, which means that usually I'm alone driving myself crazy with my unspeakable thoughts. That's what got me into this mess in the first place. _

_All of it. _

_If only they had tried a little harder, if my parents had worked to keep their marriage together, then I wouldn't have been home alone. I wouldn't have gotten away with eating and not eating the way that I was. The first time I placed a blade next to my flesh Chuckie would have walked in on me and got me the help that I needed. Everyone would have noticed because someone would've always been there._

**Before she went home Kira drove to McDonalds to get something to eat. The line was pretty long, but she was in no hurry to return back to the solitude in her house. It was quiet and dreary there with Kimi coming and going, sneaking around doing whatever she was doing. Kira felt like she was being secretive, but at her age Kira wanted privacy and didn't want to invade Kimi's. She didn't know what was going on with her daughter. She was almost positive that Kimi was bringing boys into the house and having sex, but after giving her "the talk" she assured herself that Kimi was safe. Not speaking to Kimi about it was not a wise parenting decision; however Kira didn't know how to bring it up. She felt like this would be something Kimi should talk to with her father.**

**Back in Japan Kira never spoke with her dad on these sensitive subjects either. Her household was very traditional, and she felt like her older brother was treated with more respect then she was. She could not blame her family because they were raised to believe women were inferior to men, but when the opportunity arose she was able to run away for a while. She went to a new city where she met Kimi's dad and they cohabitated for a while until they were wed. Kira only called her parents once in a while to keep them posted. Kira and Kimi's father didn't work out though, and before she knew it Kira was back home and four months pregnant. She was surprised when her parents let her stay back home, and after Kimi was born she met and fell in love with Chas.**

**Life had been so good back then. At the beginning of their relationship things were going really well. They had started their own business and Kimi and Chuckie got along to be brother and sister quickly. Even when they sold the Java Lava and Chuckie began his transformation in high school with his grades dipping they were able to hold it together. Suddenly one day it seemed like overnight things had begun to change. Kira was tired of Chas disinfecting the bathroom every time she got out of the shower and so to make him mad she would fix things he hated for dinner. They were being petty, but it was enough to end their relationship.**

_Everything just began happening to fast. I don't even remember when my life started getting so complicated. At the beginning of the year my senior year was amazing, so I could overlook what was going on at home. Then I found out about some of the shady things Lil was doing…and things between us became a competition. It was only too late when I began to back down, but now I was going around everybody's back. I was seeing Phil, fooling with Tommy, despising Lil, missing my dad, longing for my mom, and begging for things to be back like they used to be in the ninth grade._

**The lights in the house were off except for in Kimi's room when Kira pulled into her driveway. She sat there for a minute before deciding she would eat her food in the car. She was convinced that she needed to see a therapist—have Kimi and Chas join her so they could all work something out. Kimi needed her father and she deserved stability. She was almost an adult and her last year as a child was being destroyed by this senseless separation. Were she and Chas going to go ahead and get a divorce? They've been separated for too long, and she truly still loved that man. She would let him move back in a heartbeat if he asked.**

**Should she tell him that?**

**He deserved to know. She'd call him tomorrow to sort everything out.**

**When she finished her meal she left the car, but the left the bag in there because she was feeling lazy. As she unlocked the door she yawned and shivered; January was the worst winter month. Kira closed the door behind her, but something about the silence in the house made her feel uneasy. Usually she could hear a little movement from Kimi, whether footsteps or her tossing around in her bed. It was eerie.**

**Or was she overreacting? Kira walked into the kitchen in case she had to put Kimi's dinner away, but there was no food out. She washed her hands in the kitchen sink and everything looked where it needed to be. Kira was tempted to turn on the tv and lie on the couch, but when she yawned again suddenly her whole body felt like collapsing. She dragged herself up the stairs to go into her room, but before she got there she saw Kimi's door open.**

**"Kimi Honey?" she called out, standing outside the doorway. She couldn't see inside her bedroom, but she still heard no sound. "Kimi, are you sleeping?" When her daughter didn't reply her Kira pushed open the door and gasped. A sob escaped her lips as she saw her daughter lying motionlessly on the ground with my razor nearby.**

**She wanted to kill herself.**

_Momma's here. Momma's gonna save me. Now I'm gonna get help and I'm gonna get better. I just…I'm feeling weird now. What does this mean? Am I dead yet?_


	29. Chapter 29

Graduation Day.

Graduating Class of 2007.

The ceremony took place May 22, 2007 outside because the weather permitted, and everything went on as planned. It was about two hours long, the wind didn't blow too hard, and each female student that walked across the stage received a rose with their diploma. Kira sat next to her husband Chas in the seats reserved for family and she affectionately squeezed his hand anticipating the sound of their daughter's name.

"Kimi Finster!" the principal announced.

Kimi signed as she made her way across the stage in order to grab her diploma, being careful not to trip over her heels that were higher then what she was used to. As she turned her head toward the crowd she spotted her four person family: Chas, Kira, Chuckie, and Paige. At that moment she swelled with pride, realizing the extent of her accomplishment. She had just graduated from _high school. _This was the transition period between adolescence and adulthood. She would be going to college soon.

She beamed, but after she held her rose in her hand she looked back at the crowd in search of the Deville family. Betty sat alone, a smile as fake as plastic painted across her face, enough to cause Kimi's feelings of happiness to fade immediately. It was Phil's graduation, but Lil was another story.

_(Flashback to January)_

"_What the hell is wrong with you and me? We're always in and out of this place whether we're the patient or not." Lil was constantly visiting Kimi in the hospital; constantly checking in on her to make sure she was okay. Lil remembered when she was lying in there and how horrible it could feel…The pain was awful until she had a visitor checking on her and asking about her. They demonstrated how much they cared, especially Kimi._

_Kimi shrugged. "Maybe the stress is doing this to us," Kimi answered. She closed her eyes and then reopened them, adjusting to being conscience after being knocked out for a pretty decent amount of time. "I just want it to stop."_

"_When are you coming home?" Lil asked. "Soon?"_

_Kimi shook her head. "Honestly, I can't handle all of that right now. My parents are sending me to a hospital for treatment because they're worried, and I'm ready for it. I need the therapy…my parents need the reassurance that I'll be okay, and getting better gives me something to look forward to. I was really messed up; more then this cutting shit. Things would just keep getting worse…"_

"_There's nothing wrong with you Kimi, just like there was nothing wrong with me," Lil argued. "They're manipulating you…brainwashing you. You don't belong in some place for crazy kids."_

_It was then that Kimi wanted to knock some sense into Lil; scream that she was the crazy and delusional one. She wanted to scream to her best friend that she had anorexia, was skinny as hell, and on the verge of dying. Yet Kimi didn't have the energy, or desire to do so. At that exact moment Kimi was overwhelmed with a wave of disappointment, exhaustion, and embarrassment that she almost didn't care about anything anymore. All she could think about was the scars on her body…the way her parents avoided her gaze…how after three days neither Phil nor Tommy had come to see her once._

_(Flashback end)_

"How does it feel for high school to be over?" Kira asked Kimi once the graduates were allowed to reunite with their families after the ceremony. Chas and Kira held hands as Chuckie wrapped his arm around his fiancé; Kimi being the only one without a companion. However, it wasn't anything that bothered her, even as she glanced over at Pete with his arm draped around his current girlfriend. She had adored him, but after accomplishing overcoming her powerful feelings she was satisfied being independent. She was confident, and soon she would be off to college herself.

Kimi smiled. "I'm happy. These last…three or four months have been pretty good you know? You two are back together, my grades were higher…after everything got straightened out I was able to finish and I'm just glad about that."

She had been worried about how after she was put into a facility to help her conquer her bulimia and mutilation it would be hard for her to keep up in school. The flip side was that her situation gave her the motivation to get better and keep her grades up. She didn't have anything to distract her…no one to really talk to and she bonded with no one she came in contact with. She felt withdrawn and hurt because of the things she had previously gone through. She was ecstatic about the fact that in less then three months she was diagnosed as better, something the therapist described as, _"…already recognizing that there is a problem and knowing that you won't be able to succeed in life until these disappear from your lifestyle."_ Once she moved back home she was allowed to finish school basically my being home schooled, but also given the privilege to graduate with her class.

"Is Tommy here?" Chuckie asked.

"Ahh…the infamous Tommy," Paige mimicked with a smile. She had truly heard a lot about Thomas Pickles since being acquainted with the Finster family. "Didn't he walk?"

Kimi nodded, a lump swelling in her throat. Sometimes when she still talked about the old gang and then thought about what went on this past year she still felt awkward. She wasn't angry or holding some type of grudge; she just had no idea what to say to her former friends any more. The year ended with her feeling a sense of wellbeing emotionally, however she no longer had anyone to truly hang out with.

_Especially since Lil left…_

"So Kimi, what do you want to do for your big day? Do you…wanna go to a restaurant or something?" Paige asked.

Kimi shook her head. "Actually…I just want to chill for a little bit. I don't wanna do something too loud…I'm almost tempted to just go to Barnes and Noble, sit on one of those couches and read the rest of the afternoon away." _Or maybe just write Lil another letter…_

_Flashback_

"_This isn't gonna work with her being here…and we finally caught up with my Dad."_

_Phil and Kimi sat across from each other in the small café as they watched the rain fall from outside the window viciously. Kimi took a sip of her hot chocolate while keeping her eyes intently on Phil, curious as what he has to continue saying about Lil. Between therapy, spending time with her family, and her schooling Kimi barely had time to spend with her friends once she arrived back home. Now, after receiving a phone call from Phil that it was about Lil, Kimi decided to meet up with him to find out what's up with the world. They gossiped for a little about school and why Phil wasn't interested in attending prom, and then got down to the nitty gritty._

"_What's been up with her?"_

"_She's just…sneaking around. At night you can hear her walking around not knowing what to do…sometimes she'll invite a guy from school over and who knows. She refuses to eat anything that looks good; just a few veggies here and there. She's not improving at all…and she needs to get a tube up her stomach bottom line."_

"_Where is she now?"_

"_She's somewhere in Hawaii. My dad's finally stepping up to the plate, especially after we send him a recent picture of her and some long locks of hair that had fell on the floor when she was brushing it. He can't ignore it now."_

"_What was his excuse for ignoring it in the first place?"_

_She watched Phil's eyes flare for a moment with anger and he took a deep breath. "He says he was in Africa with his wife while doing something on business…and in November when Lil was trying to get treatment he swears he never got any of our messages because during that time he was in South America. Plus now he claims his wife, you know Janine, is pregnant and they've been really busy."_

"_Your dad's being such a bastard…"_

"_He doesn't think about us anymore. It seems like he's a whole different person from the dad I grew up with. He's so excited he finally can make some decisions without my mom telling him what to do that the power went to his head. Maybe he wants to punish her by punishing us…"_

_(Flashback end)_

Time after graduation passed by slowly. When it seemed like an hour went by Kimi found that it was only a few minutes. The days felt like weeks, and weeks felt like months. Without many close companions there was nothing to look forward to, yet Kimi needed something to keep her busy in order to prevent binging. It happened a few times when she was home alone. She would suddenly open the refrigerator and find every snack food available until she made herself sick, and then she would throw up. She felt guilty about it, but instead of cutting herself she would write the incident down in a journal.

It was one day at the end of June when Kimi realized she had some unfinished business to take care of before she would be leaving in August. Without thinking about anything other then what she felt like she had to do, Kimi bolted off of the living room couch and emerged into the gorgeous summer warmth. The day was perfect with an additional breeze, the leaves dancing from their branches as Kimi walked toward a familiar neighborhood. She sweated underneath the jeans that covered her scars and wore a cotton zipper sweater over her green and white tank top. As she climbed up the porch of her destination she made a vow: _do nothing stupid. Just try to forgive so that you can forget…_

Tommy opened the door shortly after Kimi rung the doorbell. He was wearing a beater with basketball shorts on, appearing as if he was about to go to the park around the corner to shoot some hoops. She could tell that he was trying to hide his surprise after seeing her, and it made her feel a little nervous as well. "Hey…" he mumbled.

Kimi smiled. "Hi. Um…I wanted to talk to you."

"Hold on, Dil and I was getting ready to go. Let me tell him to go ahead and leave without me." Tommy turned back toward the inside of his house and ordered his brother to leave. Within minutes Dil was gone after waving at Kimi and congratulating her for graduating. She nodded and appreciated the fact that he said something to her. They were still cool with one another. While Dil was still in earshot Kimi and Tommy made small conversation about college and everything, but once he left Kimi was ready to get her conversation over with.

"You wanna just start walking towards the park?" Kimi asked him. She felt like walking. She _wanted_ to walk with Tommy, her first love, on her side like they used to when they were younger. She wasn't doing it for a relationship; she just wanted to feel how carefree she used to feel. Back then she had so much to look forward to until this year came around and changed her desires. She had to grow up and be real after an experience like hers. She couldn't be gullible when it came to guys like she had been, and she couldn't let her friends' problems become hers.

"Sure," Tommy said as they already slowly began moving their feet. They were at the end of the walkway when Tommy asked her, "So what's up? How you been?"

Kimi sighed and slowly brought her hand up to press onto the sores located on her other arm. She felt the soft throbbing of pain, not enough pain to alarm her, but enough pain to bring tears to her eyes every night when she was alone in her bedroom with no one to talk to. "I guess I'm okay. I know what to do when I'm upset instead of what I've been doing, my parents are back together, and I'm getting ready to leave this place."

After going from wanting to be a flight attendant, obstetrician, or study fashion Kimi had decided that she truly wanted to take things slow. She didn't want to decide a career path immediately anymore, but she was certain that she wanted to go to school in New York, or somewhere around there. That had never changed.

"We used to walk to this park all the time," Tommy stated, staring ahead instead of looking at his companion. "You, me, Chuckie, Phil and Lil used to always come here and I don't even know why anymore."

"It's crazy how inseparable we used to be. I couldn't go to the bathroom without someone standing outside my door." They laughed. "Then it does seem like after you moved away things got…crazy. Things were just so dramatic and I was so moody because I really was mad about it."

"I didn't want to leave, but when Lil told me about you and Phil…I was angry at you, but I wanted to give us the chance to work it out."

"I still don't know what was up with all that. You have to believe me when I say whatever she said isn't true."

Tommy nodded and looked at her. "Now after all this I believe you. Lil…she's been lying to me this whole time. She cheated on me…and then she expected me to do so much. She had crushed me…made me lose you…and wanted me to visit her in the hospital after I made up my mind that I was done with her."

"Lil hurt me too, but we all have history with each other. I couldn't turn my back when she needed me the most, even if she had come between me and my happiness." Kimi crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "Besides I wouldn't wish anything bad on her. She just made some mistakes. She's childish, her mom is having a crisis, her dad basically is slowly abandoning them and all she wants is attention. It might have something to do with her self-esteem, but I'm not a psychiatrist trying to get inside her head. Let me stay in mine."

"I just keep thinking about…a lot of things. What if I never moved? What if Lil never came over your house the night she fell down the stairs? What if…what if we were still together?"

At that moment the weather granted the world a cooling breeze. Kimi's hair gently blew with the wind not knowing what to say in response to Tommy. She had wondered the answers to those questions at some moment in her life after the summer of freshmen year. However now, at that moment, all she wanted was her friend back.

The park was in view and Kimi spotted Dil playing basketball with some other boys while about three girls were watching. When school started he would be a senior, and hopefully wouldn't have to go through the same things his older buddies had gone through. No pointless arguments, no hospitalizations, no cutting, and definitely not any eating disorders.

Before Kimi turned to leave Tommy she made sure she gave him a hug, a real hug reserved for special friends and first loves. She didn't know how long they stood there embraced in each other's arms, but she felt a sense of content and security. She almost didn't want to let him go, but she knew that she had to. She needed to move on from this year.

"Make sure you really call me this time," Kimi warned him with a soft smile. "Hopefully before I leave we can both get together some time; all of us can get together and maybe make a video to send to Lil or something."

"That'll be cool," Tommy said. He and Kimi looked at each other for a few moments before he said, "This is like some bittersweet ending in a movie."

"It'll get better eventually."

"If we see each other again we can start off with a clean slate."

"Have fun playing basketball."

"Have fun in New York."

Then unpredictably Tommy gave Kimi a kiss on the lips. It was a soft gentle kiss, but enough to keep Kimi smiling well after Tommy ran away to the park. He was right; everything was bittersweet. She couldn't wish to come back next summer and begin where they ended.

* * *

**Author's Note: This, you guys, is the end for Just Between Us. Now it's going in my fanfiction heaven along with a couple of Degrassi fanfics I have. We've had our own journey of bad reviews, mostly good reviews, updating at random times, and crazy third person-first person mistakes after writing this for almost _three _years. This was my favorite story to update because you reviewers made it special for me and I truly appreciate it. Here's a shoutout to the ones that's been reviewing for as long as I can remember:**

_acosta perez jose ramiro: Thanks for being there and always having something encouraging to say._

_melissa: My home girl who always makes me happy to review. A lot of the time you inspired me to update my chapters lol. You've gone from an evolution beginning (as far as I know) from surrealsmiles, but no matter what you're name is I'll remember you when I go through the fanfiction heaven in my mind as a loyal reviewer._

_Wounded Shell Of Myself: Once again, someone who continuously has something constructive to tell me. I love when people make me feel like I'm doing something right! Just because of the fact that I like making others happy I appreciate when people takes the time to tell me what they like about what I write._

_Sushi: I remember you! I remember giving you a shoutout in a chapter before! I'm glad you stuck to reading this, because I love your name thingy!_

**If I could I'd give all of you guys a special shoutout, but I don't wanna make this longer then it has to be! Each and every review is as important as the next. Plus when I'm thinking about this story my goal is to check out other stories that you guys have posted, so look out for me in your reviews!**

**Yeah so I don't know what I'm gonna do for the rest of the summer after finishing this baby up...I hope the ending wasn't abrupt or anything, but I did realize that it was about time for me to finish this up. I didn't want it to have like a hundred more chapters or something. Thanks for reading though and still review!**


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